"I like to fuck cakes. I'm a Cake Fucker."

"I'd like a specialty cake..."

"Sure! That's what we do! What kind of cake would you like?"

"I want a cake with a vagina on it."

"A vagina? What is that celebrating?"

"It's not celebrating anything. I just like to fuck cakes."

"You like to fuck cakes?"

"I like to fuck cakes. I'm a Cake Fucker."

"Well, this is certainly new to me. You want a cake with a vagina on it."

"So I can fuck it: yes."

"Is there anything else you would like on this cake?"

"Yeah. I want an asshole on the back."

"You want an asshole on the back of the cake?"

"Yeah. So I can fuck that, too."

"Because you are a Cake Fucker."

"Exactly."

"Is there anything else?"

"Yeah. Do you make pies...?"

I am Laslo.

https://althouse.blogspot.com/2017/10/the-cake-artists-brief-says-our-right.html

Anyway, now it turns out that Jon gave Kym herpes in their hook-up, which she probably deserves.

The Girl With Blue Hair Who Works at McDonald's...

Work is horrible lately. The rumor at the restaurant is that Kym on second-shift had sex with our manager Jon in his Corolla, and that is how she got moved to first shift like she had been wanting since, like, forever...

So now poor Ashley has been pushed back to second-shift, which totally fucks with her community-college schedule. Needless to say, all of this sucks...

Anyway, now it turns out that Jon gave Kym herpes in their hook-up, which she probably deserves. Still, it IS kind of fucked up: you sleep with the boss at a fucking McDonald's AND you get herpes? Really? Getting herpes to be a Hollywood Star: I get that. But to get first shift at McDonald's? That's a pretty big price to pay...

I hope the weird guy with the greasy hair who stares at me all the time doesn't come in today...

I am Laslo.

https://althouse.blogspot.com/2017/10/what-would-women-be-doing-if-we-werent.html

"I'm not talking lawyers, Harvey."

"Courtney, this is Harvey..."

"Hi, Harvey."

"You know, I'm troubled about what you said about me. It sounds like you're implying that I am a rapist or something..."

"That IS what I was implying, Harvey."

"I'm afraid I might have to have my people look into this..."

"Your 'people', Harvey?"

"Yeah. You know: lawyers. I have very good lawyers. They can make people's lives miserable."

"Sure. Sounds like I'll have to get MY people involved."

"Your people? Ha! I'm sure my lawyers are better than your lawyers..."

"I'm not talking lawyers, Harvey."

"Then what ARE you talking about, Courtney...?"

"My people. The ones who blew my husband's head off with a shot gun."

"What?!"

"Kurt? Had my people kill him. My bass player Kristen? Had my people kill her. There are others. My people get shit done, Harvey."

"Uh...maybe we just pretend this never happened, okay...?

"Sure, Harvey. I'm good at pretending things never happened..."

I am Laslo.

https://althouse.blogspot.com/2017/10/when-courtney-love-was-asked-in-2005-do.html

MC Bob: "So what you are saying is 'No anal', Actress Number Two?"

MC Bob: "Hello America! Welcome to the Game Show straight from Hollywood -- 'Casting Couch!' We have three contestants vying for a role, and a big-name Hollywood Producer who can get them that role. Let's begin..."

Producer: "Hello, ladies. Let's start by telling me how committed you will be to this role."

Actress One: "I will give you the best performance I possibly can!"

MC Bob: "That's a good start, Actress Number One. How about you, Actress Number Two...?"

Actress Two: "Uh... I'll give my best performance, too. I'll really try hard!"

MC Bob: "We're witnessing a commitment to effort, I see. How about you Actress Number Three?"

Actress Three: "Blow-Job, Bob."

MC Bob: "Blow-Job, Actress Number Three?"

Actress Three: "Yes, Bob. I am willing to give the Producer a Blow-Job."

Producer: "I LIKE that commitment!"

MC Bob: "Actresses One and Two, it looks like you're falling behind. What would you like to add to your statements?"

Actress One: "I guess I'll give a Blow-Job, too, Bob."

MC Bob: "Sure, sure. And what about you, Actress Number Two?"

Actress Two: "I... I just want to act. Acting is my dream."

MC Bob: "What do YOU say, Actress Number Three...?"

Actress Three: "Anal, Bob. I'll do anal."

MC Bob: "It looks like Actress Three is running away with it here..."

Producer: "I LIKE anal."

MC Bob: "Ladies, the man likes anal. Is there anything you'd add to your efforts, Actresses One and Two?"

Actress One: "I... I can't go there, Bob."

MC Bob: "It looks like Actress Number One is conceding the race. What about you, Actress Number Two?"

Actress Two: "I just want to be an actress. I want to act, and be respected for my acting."

MC Bob: "So what you are saying is 'No anal', Actress Number Two?"

Actress Two: "I think I just want to go home to Kansas, Bob..."

MC Bob: "Well, it looks like Actress Three is our Winner today! How about our Big Hollywood producer tells her about the part she has won..."

Producer: "Yeah! Actress Number Three, you're going to play a girl from Nebraska who comes to Hollywood in search of her dreams, but becomes a filthy whore..."

I am Laslo.

https://althouse.blogspot.com/2017/10/saturday-night-live-had-sketch-designed.html

"I'm a psychopath that NEEDS his asshole eaten by beautiful women!"

Harvey and his Therapist...

"Harvey, we have only worked together a short time, but I think it is safe to say you possess psychopathic tendencies..."

"Whew! What a relief!"

"You find that a relief, Harvey?"

"Sure! Then none of this is my fault!"

"Uh, I'm sorry, but it doesn't work that way..."

"Sure it does. I couldn't help myself. I was COMPELLED to have women eat my asshole!"

"Harvey, you used your position of power to coerce those women..."

"I'm a psychopath -- what did people expect? I'm a psychopath that NEEDS his asshole eaten by beautiful women!"

"Harvey, you had the free will to restrain your impulses..."

"You non-psychopaths don't ever get it. There is no Free Will when the compulsion to have someone eat your ass comes over you..."

Let's try a though experiment, Harvey. You are in your office, and there is a beautiful actress there. What are you thinking...?"

"I am thinking I want her to eat my ass..."

"OK, Harvey. Now picture that woman being someone you deeply care about, like your Mother, perhaps..."

"Oh God! Mom -- stop eating my ass, Mother! MOTHER STOP EATING MY ASS...!"

"Harvey, your Mother would only be eating your ass if YOU had forced her to eat your ass..."

"I didn't force her! She just started eating my ass, and now I'm ten-years old and I just shit my pants as Mom laughs and I yell I'M NOT A POOPY BOY! I'M NOT A POOPY BOY! but she still laughs and when I grow up I will make women pay, they won't be laughing when they're eating my ass! TAKE THAT, MOM: TAKE THAT...!

"I think we're making progress, Harvey..."

"Yeah? Do you think if I had killed my mother then none of this other stuff would've ever happened?"

"That's an interesting theory, Harvey. How about we take that up at our next session..."

I am Laslo.

https://althouse.blogspot.com/2017/10/but-simply-having-maoa-l-gene-doesnt.html

When the choice is to be the shark or the seal, the psychopath does not have to think twice about being the shark.

Perhaps evolution will develop us to a point where we all will be psychopaths.

We fear the psychopath because he is different and not curtailed by our shame and fear. The psychopath doesn't give a fuck about your shame and fear.

He does not let what others think constrain his sense of self. When the choice is to be the shark or the seal, the psychopath does not have to think twice about being the shark.

The psychopath knows what he wants and does not question the actions of getting it: there is Purity in this, there is One Life, yours.

As psychopaths, we will be at our most effective simply being ourselves.

You better make your face up in 

Your favorite disguise. 

With your button down lips and your 

Roller blind eyes. 

With your empty smile 

And your hungry heart. 

Feel the bile rising from your guilty past. 

With your nerves in tatters 

When the conch shell shatters 

And the hammers batter 

Down your door. 

You'd better run. 

I am Laslo.

https://althouse.blogspot.com/2017/10/but-simply-having-maoa-l-gene-doesnt.html

"Brad's got pictures of the Ass Parties, Harvey."

"Harvey? It's Clooney..."

"George! Everything's going to shit, man! They're making me out to be a monster!"

"Uh...It's going to get worse, Harvey. Brad's going to come forward..."

"No! Pitt -- that fucking motherfucker! What's he going to say?"

"You know what he's going to say, Harvey."

"He's not going to tell about the Ass Parties, is he?"

"He's going to talk about the Ass Parties, Harvey."

"The Ass Parties: that's REALLY going to fuck me up!"

"He has pictures..."

"Pictures? He's got pictures of the Ass Parties?"

"Brad's got pictures of the Ass Parties, Harvey."

"I knew the Ass Parties were a step too far..."

"I tried to tell you, Harvey. This is Hollywood: you can't hide Ass Parties forever."

"I LIKED the Ass Parties! Everyone had a good time!"

"Well, it seems that some of the people now regret participating in the Ass Parties."

"Regret is for fucking losers, George. They come to my Ass Parties and have a good time, and now they stab me in the back!"

"it's a tough business, Harvey..."

"Well, here's what's going to happen: you tell Brad that if he goes forward about the Ass Parties then I am going to release the photos of him with an under-aged girl!"

"You have photos of Brad Pitt with an under-age girl?"

"Not yet -- but Brad doesn't know that."

"What if he has never been with an under-age girl, Harvey?"

"He's a Hollywood Star, Clooney -- of COURSE he's been with an under-age girl...!"

I am Laslo.

https://althouse.blogspot.com/2017/10/the-movie-industry-ive-known-for-past.html

"You should come to Europe, Harvey. In Europe the people aren't so uptight about men and their tomatoes."

"Harvey, it's me, Roman. Roman Polanski."

"Hello, Roman. What brings you to call...?"

"I have been reading the internets, and Iunderstand what you are going through, Harvey. I just wanted to let you know you can lean on me if you need to."

"Uh, thanks, Roman, but I think our situations are different..."

"What is the different? I sleep with the girls, you sleep with the girls..."

"Roman, you had sex with children. I had sex with adults -- adults who could make their own decisions."

"Tomato Tomato."

"Excuse me?"

"Tomato Tomato: I say tomato, you say tomato."

"The expression is 'To-MAY-toe To-MAH-toe', Roman. The point is they sound different."

"That makes no sense, Harvey. All I know is we like to make love to the tomatoes, you know what I mean?"

"Well, I appreciate your offer, Roman, but I think I'll take care of this on my own..."

"You should come to Europe, Harvey. In Europe the people aren't so uptight about men and their tomatoes."

"That IS a thought..."

"Yes! In Europe there are many girls, you buy them wine, they eat your asshole, no one minds."

"Maybe a chance of place would help..."

"And you can stay at my place, Harvey. There is plenty of room, and it is across the street from an Elementary School...!"

I am Laslo.

https://althouse.blogspot.com/2017/10/harvey-weinsteins-wife-is-leaning-on.html

"I didn't stick my fingers up THAT many assholes, Harvey..."

"Ben, This is Harvey..."

"Harvey? I don't know if we should be talking right now -- things are pretty sensitive..."

"Yeah. I hear your Ass Thing is becoming a problem."

"Like you're one to talk, Harvey. I know about all the girls that you made eat your asshole."

"See? That's the difference. They ate MY asshole. I didn't stick my fingers in THEIR asshole, Ben."

"I didn't stick my fingers up THAT many assholes, Harvey..."

"That's not what Damon says..."

"Hey! Some of those girls had fallen down, and I was just helping them up. Like a gentleman."

"You were helping them up by sticking your fingers up their assholes?"

"Sometimes a finger slipped, Harvey. It happens..."

"It's all falling apart, Ben. All of our hard work is being destroyed."

"I told you Rose was trouble, Harvey. She's not the kind of girl who's going to eat a guy's asshole and then keep her mouth shut."

"Now my wife is leaving me, and I never even made her eat my asshole."

"I think we need to get the attention drawn elsewhere, Harvey. You know what that means."

"You mean we leak the photos of Damon at that Dirty Diaper Party?"

"That is EXACTLY what I mean, Harvey..."

I am Laslo.

https://althouse.blogspot.com/2017/10/all-of-you-hollywood-list-golden-boys.html

"Oh, I get it, now. Actresses don't really like to eat men's assholes -- believe me, I get it."

"Ashley? This is Harvey..."

"Harvey, why are you calling me? I want nothing to do with you, you pathetic scumbag..."

"I know, I know: we had our misunderstandings. But I could really use your help in calling the board so I don't get fired..."

"Misunderstanding? You made me eat your ass, Harvey."

"See? A misunderstanding. You thought I made you eat my ass, and I thought you did it of your own free will: a misunderstanding."

"Why would I eat your asshole of my own free will?"

"I thought you were responding to my rough charisma..."

"You have no charisma, Harvey. Women did things for you because they were scared of you."

"Scared of me? See: this is new to me. I had no idea women were interpreting me that way."

"Harvey, don't you understand? That was one of the lowest parts of my life."

"Oh, I get it, now. Actresses don't really like to eat men's assholes -- believe me, I get it."

"I don't think you'll ever understand, Harvey..."

"Sure I do. You know, I'm a survivor of abuse, just like you."

"You were abused, Harvey...?"

"Oh yeah. When I was eleven a gang of schoolgirls cornered me in an alley and took my lunch money. Then they held me down and took turns eating my asshole. I think it is that shame that makes me act in inappropriate ways..."

"Oh, Harvey: that's horrible. You know, I have a therapist that helps me. Maybe she could help you, too."

"I don't know, Ashley. I don't think your therapist eating my asshole is going to help..."

I am Laslo.

https://althouse.blogspot.com/2017/10/my-board-is-thinking-of-firing-me-all.html

" All the Scientologists in Hollywood want you to eat their asshole. It's a Thing for them."

Ashley Judd and Rose McGowan chat...

"Rose? This is Ashley Judd."

"Hi, Ashley. I was expecting your call."

"You were?"

"Oh yeah. It seems we're the only ones brave enough to tell the Truth about Harvey."

"It feels real lonely, Rose."

"It certainly does, Ashley."

"I have to ask you a question..."

"Sure: what is it?"

"Did you have to eat Harvey's asshole? Because I had to eat Harvey's asshole."

"No: no, I didn't, Ashley. Sorry."

"Yeah: we talked about the importance of abortion rights and then he made me eat his asshole."

"Harvey told me about how feminism in Hollywood was important, and then he ejaculated on the coffee table. I expect that from some Right-Wing Wacko, not a man who feels strongly about feminism."

"This is making me feel depressed. Why am I the only one who had to eat Harvey's asshole?"

"Men in power in Hollywood are disgusting."

"Oh yeah. Did Tom Cruise ever talk to you about a role in a movie?"

"No, he didn't. Why?"

"Well, I met with Tom Cruise to talk about a movie and he made me eat his asshole."

"Tom Cruise made you eat his asshole?"

"I ate Tom Cruise's asshole and I didn't even get the part. Then he started talking to me about Scientology -- it was horrible."

"Yeah. All the Scientologists in Hollywood want you to eat their asshole. It's a Thing for them."

"He told me that eating the ass of a Level Seven Operating Thetan would boost my Spiritual Awareness."

"Did it?"

"Nah. It just tasted like ass..."

I am Laslo.

https://althouse.blogspot.com/2017/10/new-york-magazine-says-right-wing-tries.html

"Wait! Am I the only one who had to eat Harvey's asshole?"

Ashley Judd, Renée Zellweger and Cate Blanchett have a chat...

Ashley: "So Cate, what did Harvey do to YOU...?"

Cate: "It was horrible -- I had to watch him take a shower. That man seriously needs to lose some weight."

Ashley: "What about you, Renée?

Renée: "Oh, I don't even like to think about it."

Ashley: "You can tell us, Renée: it will make us stronger."

Renée: "Well... he made me watch him masturbate."

Ashley: "And what else?"

Renée: "What else? He made me watch him masturbate, that's it."

Ashley: "What about you, Cate? What did Harvey do to you after you watched him shower?"

Cate: "There was nothing else. He got dressed and we talked about a film."

Ashley: "Wait! Am I the only one who had to eat Harvey's asshole?"

Cate: "Eat his asshole? God no, I wouldn't do such a thing."

Renée: "Yeah, that's gross, eating Harvey's asshole. I would've left the room..."

Cate: "Ashley, YOU ate Harvey's asshole?"

Ashley: "Uh... yeah. I did: I thought all the girls had to eat Harvey's asshole."

Renée: "Ewwww. I couldn't live with myself if I had to eat Harvey's asshole."

Cate: "I have self-respect."

Ashley: "Surely SOMEONE else must have had to eat Harvey's asshole."

Cate: Not that I know of. I don't think Gwyneth would've done it."

Renée: Gwyneth IS weird, but I can't picture her eating Harvey's asshole."

Ashley: "This is AWFUL. I thought surely someone else ate Harvey's asshole..."

Cate: "I don't know, maybe you could check with Rose McGowan..."

Renée: Oh yes: I would DEFINITELY check with Rose McGowan. Did you know she dated Marilyn Manson? Eww...."

I am Laslo.

https://althouse.blogspot.com/2017/10/not-even-one-weekend-update-joke-about.html

"Is that what this is about? That I didn't get you an Oscar?"

An Encounter on a Manhattan Street...

"Ashley! It's good to see you!"

"I'm not talking to you, Harvey."

"Oh, yeah... that. That was a long time ago, Ashley: I'm a different man now. I'm getting help."

"You'll never be a better man, Harvey. You will always be a man who preys on women."

"In my defense, some of those women got Oscars."

"That doesn't cut it, Harvey."

"Is that what this is about? That I didn't get you an Oscar?"

"You don't get it, Harvey. I had to watch you shower."

"I can explain that. When I was a young boy my mother would watch me in the shower. Every time I took a shower there she was, watching. My therapists say that messed me up."

"I'm sorry to hear that, Harvey, but I don't care. What you did to me was unacceptable."

"Trust me, I know that NOW."

"It doesn't matter, Harvey. It's too late."

"Surely there is something I can do..."

"No, Harvey: no there isn't."

"I know! How about I donate fifty thousand to Planned Parenthood in your name. I know you like Planned Parenthood, because of your abortion thing..."

"You can't buy me, Harvey."

"Okay, okay: a hundred thousand."

"A hundred thousand? How about a hundred-and-fifty?"

"A hundred-and-fifty thousand? For that much I'll need to touch your tits..."

I am Laslo.

https://althouse.blogspot.com/2017/10/not-even-one-weekend-update-joke-about.html