I woke up on my stomach in the back of the van and realized that my bikini bottoms didn't seem to be on right.

Amber, the Blacked-Out Possibly Raped College Girl says:

I was out at the beach with friends, enjoying the sun and the water and the warm mellow vibe. The thing about possibly being raped led to a lot of body issues for me, and the result was I lost a lot of weight and look pretty good in a bikini now, so there is that...

I can tell when men are staring at me: I was pulling my bathing suit bottom out of the crack of my ass when I turned around and -- sure enough -- several men were staring at me and smiling. I'm sorry: sometimes your bikini bottom crawls up the crack of your ass...

We were drinking wine -- good times -- when I realized that the wine might not be a good thing on top of my anti-depressants. I felt woozy, and a friend's friend offered to let me lay down in the back of his orange VW van. It was a cool van, totally Seventies old school, and I said yes: I now desperately needed to lie down, everything was swimming...

I woke up on my stomach in the back of the van and realized that my bikini bottoms didn't seem to be on right. I can't quite articulate how they felt different, but I know that is not how they usually were. There was also some wadded up tissue by my side; I don't remember it being there before, but then maybe I just didn't notice...

 I asked a friend if anyone had happened to come into the van with me, but she just shook her head: she had been pretty drunk by that point, and didn't really remember anything except maybe giving some guy a blow-job....

Maybe I wasn't raped. Maybe I had consensual sex but just don't remember it. Maybe I didn't have sex at all, I was just irritated by sand in my bikini. The friend's friend was kind enough to drive me home in his van, but I told him 'No' when he asked to come inside -- I wasn't feeling like company, and everyone now was giving me a bad vibe...

So I took some of the Vicodin I had left from my ski-boarding injury, and went back to sleep.

I thought being raped would be different.

I am Laslo.

https://althouse.blogspot.com/2016/08/that-being-said-there-are-women-out.html

I looked back in the bedroom, but my boyfriend was sleeping, and I didn't want to wake him and start any trouble.

Amber, the Blacked-Out Possibly Raped College Girl says:

As I have mentioned, I have had problems with my boyfriend, but he can be SO kind.

It was one of those nights where I started crying but don't even know why. I had some wine, but I just felt sad, and when I begin feeling sad for no reason I inevitably think of my beloved cat Miss Tiff, who got hit by a car while I was watching, and then I get REALLY sad. I miss that girl so much, she would curl up with me and purr and try to lick ice cream off my spoon.

So I am drunk and crying and my boyfriend, he strokes my hair gently, and whispers words of reassurance in my ear:

"It's gonna be okay, baby: I'm right here."

"Just relax, and let me hold you."

"C'mon baby, just relax."

Things like that.

As I finally drifted to sleep I thought I felt his hand at my panties, but I drifted to sleep anyway.

I woke up in the middle of the night to pee, and there was a used condom, floating in the water like a jellyfish.

I looked back in the bedroom, but my boyfriend was sleeping, and I didn't want to wake him and start any trouble.

So I took some of the Vicodin I had left from my ski-boarding injury, and went back to sleep.

I thought being raped would be different.

I am Laslo.

https://althouse.blogspot.com/2016/06/listening-to-sleep-with-me-i-often-feel.html

"Not that shit again" he said, and that maybe he just needed to find a girl who didn't have such problems.

Amber, the Blacked-Out Possibly Raped College Girl says:

So when my boyfriend came home after that night where he may have raped me he said he would never do a thing like that, that it was just a drunk misunderstanding, that's all.

I wanted to talk about it more, but he said if I kept bringing that shit up he would be gone for good. That didn't seem fair -- I had a lot of feelings about that night that I needed him to understand -- but I didn't want him to leave me.

Anyway, I was groggy from wine and Vicodin so I went to bed. He played a video game, I could hear it from the living room, then he came in a bit later and put his hand on my shoulder, and I pulled away. It was just a reflex, I think, I was pretty out of it, but it obviously hurt his feelings.

He said he wanted to sleep with me, but I told him I wasn't ready yet, I was still emotionally confused about 'that night'.

"Not that shit again" he said, and that maybe he just needed to find a girl who didn't have such problems.

I didn't want to have sex, but I didn't want to fight either. I said 'No' again, but then we had sex and I may have passed out during it, I don't remember. 

When I woke up he was gone again. It's like I don't want this to keep happening but then it keeps happening. So I took some of the Vicodin I had left from my ski-boarding injury, and went back to sleep.

I thought being raped would be different.

I am Laslo.

http://althouse.blogspot.com/2016/06/clinton-supporters-are-analogous-to.html

I told him he was being silly, but we were drunk and started wrestling.

Amber, the Blacked-Out Possibly Raped College Girl says:

We would laugh together. I told him he can't break my heart or I would break his face, and we both laughed. I told him he better not be looking at hoes and we'd laugh some more -- it was fun back then.

Then he started telling me I couldn't look at other guys, but it wasn't funny, he was serious, and then he'd get angry if he thought I spent any time with a guy, anywhere.

One night we were both drinking too much wine and he said he saw me smile at that guy at Starbucks, and that I must like him. I told him he was being silly, but we were drunk and started wrestling. It was like it was pretend-wrestling but then it didn't feel pretend. I think we were still laughing but I think I was scared underneath, it all kind of swirled together.

Then he told me if I really loved him I'd let him fuck me in the ass. I told him I was tired and just wanted to sleep, and so he said I didn't really love him. I told him I DID love him, I was just tired and drunk and wanted to go asleep.

So we went to bed and I think I was sleeping and he started pushing against me saying he really wanted to fuck me in the ass. I said 'No' but he kept pushing and then we did it, I just wanted it to be done I think, I really don't remember.

I woke in the morning and was going to tell him I really meant 'No' but he had already left. So I took some of the Vicodin I had left from my ski-boarding injury, and went back to sleep.

I thought being raped would be different.

I am Laslo.

https://althouse.blogspot.com/2016/06/the-8th-graders-relationship-contract.html

I was naked below the waist, so something happened.

Amber, the Blacked-Out Possibly Raped College Girl says:

I didn't deserve what may, or may not, have happened to me.

Sure, I was drinking with friends. There was Mary, Caroline, and then a bunch of guys we just met at the bar, I don't remember their names. One guy had a sports hat on. it was Oakland or Cleveland or New York or something.

We all were just having fun, and then I drank a Darth Vader. Maybe I drank two Darth Vaders, I can't really remember.

I don't remember going to pee, but I do remember coming back from peeing, and everyone was waiting to leave.

Then we were at one of the guys' apartment. Wait: we were outside the apartment, because I remember throwing up outside the apartment. Mary held my hair back, which was nice, but then she left, telling me to "be safe."

Inside the apartment I remember guys playing video games and drinking red punch, so I had a plastic cup of punch. It was a plastic cup, I remember that. Plastic cup. I think I spilled it, but maybe I didn't. I just remember people laughing. I might have kissed someone, but we were all just happy from the punch. I think it had rum, maybe.

Anyway, I woke up in a bed, and there was vomit and shit on the sheets. I think the vomit was mine but I don't believe I shit the bed, I know I would remember that. I think I would remember that.

I was naked below the waist, so something happened. i found my panties in the bathroom, wet and hanging over the shower rod. I thought: 'What the Fuck'?

I remember there was a blonde skinny guy, and there was a dark-haired guy with a chin beard. I saw them, but I can't remember where I saw them or when I saw them, but they are who I remember: I remember them. I probably could recognize them, if it was just them; otherwise, they looked like every other dude, really. 

In the morning I went back to my bedroom, took some of the Vicodin I had left from my ski-boarding injury, and went to sleep.

I thought being raped would be different.

I am Laslo.

https://althouse.blogspot.com/2016/06/one-of-two-stanford-graduate-students.html