Sometimes the last words are hard to decipher because the pillow muffles the sound.
I am Laslo.
2/28/15, 10:59 PM
Laslo Spatula said...
Beware of a guy in a van who wants to show you his Special Pillow of Secrets.
Of course, by that time you are probably already bound and gagged so it might be a little late.
I am Laslo.
2/28/15, 11:06 PM
Laslo Spatula said...
The Special Pillow of Secrets: what stories it could tell.
Through DNA, mostly.
I am Laslo.
2/28/15, 11:11 PM
Laslo Spatula said...
The Special Pillow of Secrets: it is a veritable Shroud of Turin of smeared lipstick and mascara.
There is also a small tear in the fabric: tongue piercing, most likely.
I am Laslo.
2/28/15, 11:13 PM
Laslo Spatula said...
The Special Pillow of Secrets: if only Grandma knew what her needlepoint Christmas gift has done.
I am Laslo.
2/28/15, 11:19 PM
Laslo Spatula said...
The Special Pillow of Secrets: sure, you suffocate just one stripper but then it smells like tanning lotion forever.
I am Laslo.
2/28/15, 11:22 PM
Laslo Spatula said...
The Special Pillow of Secrets: yes, it has herpes, but that is the least of your problems.
I am Laslo.
2/28/15, 11:23 PM
Laslo Spatula said...
The Special Pillow of Secrets: Grandma, can't you see I am crying out for Help?
Alas, Grandma's mummified body hears nothing.
I am Laslo.
2/28/15, 11:26 PM
Laslo Spatula said...
The Special Pillow of Secrets: Grandma, you needlepointed the 'O' in LOVE as a heart. It is a nice touch, but it fills me with Hatred.
I am Laslo.
2/28/15, 11:32 PM
Laslo Spatula said...
The Special Pillow of Secrets: Grandma, you knew that incident with Mother wasn't an accident all along, didn't you. I never properly thanked you for lying to the authorities for me: please accept the young women I send you as my way to make amends.
I hope they are taking turns rubbing your feet in Heaven: you deserve that.
I am Laslo.
2/28/15, 11:37 PM
Laslo Spatula said...
The Special Pillow of Secrets: Grandma, remember how we used to sit on the couch beneath the blanket you knitted and watch episodes of "The Golden Girls" together? And I told you how I wanted to rape and kill them?
I have many fond memories like that.
I am Laslo.
2/28/15, 11:41 PM
Laslo Spatula said...
The Special Pillow of Secrets: Grandma, I drive my van at night and I can't help how many girls look like a young Bea Arthur. It is out of my control.
I am Laslo.
2/28/15, 11:43 PM
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