You know what I would give to fuck the Ugliest Girl in the World right now?

Somewhere there must be a lost Sam Kinison riff on this.

800 LB Guy: Get this: I got so fat I can't reach my own cock.

Paralyzed Guy: What?

800 LB Guy: I got so fat I can't reach my own cock.

Paralyzed Guy: So, it's like a disease? Glandular? You have 600 pounds of tumors?

800 LB Guy: Naw. I just really like pizza.

Paralyzed Guy: You fuck! I fucking DREAM of being able to touch my cock again! 

800 LB Guy: It's not that bad, really.

Paralyzed Guy: It's not that bad? You can't even touch your own cock -- by your own fucking choice, day after day, not like having your fucking spine severed in a car accident --and you're OK with that?

800 LB Guy: You know what I really miss?

Paralyzed Guy: Sure. I want to hear this.

800 LB Guy: I really miss being able to wipe my ass.

Paralyzed Guy: You know, yeah: I miss that, too. I miss that because MY SPINE GOT SEVERED IN A CAR ACCIDENT. Not because I couldn't LAY DOWN THE FUCKING PIZZA!

800 LB Guy: I have a sickness. I'm addicted.

Paralyzed Guy: You know what I was addicted to? BEING ABLE TO USE MY FUCKING DICK, that's what I was addicted to! I could masturbate, I could fuck: you know what I would give to fuck the Ugliest Girl in the World right now? Just once?

800 LB Guy: You -- you don't understand the depths of my sickness...

Paralyzed Guy: The depths of your sickness? My fucking depth now starts at everything below my FUCKING CHIN!

800 LB Guy:I thought you would be able to understand...

Paralyzed Guy: Understand? An able-bodied person with a fully-functioning spine willing to GIVE UP ON THEIR OWN DICK? AWWW! AAAAWWW! OWWWWW!


Something like that.

I miss Sam Kinison.


I am Laslo.


http://althouse.blogspot.com/2015/10/father-fears-800-pound-son-will-die.html