"And then she said she would trade being smart for being able to be just like me."

"Daddy Issue America": an Excerpt...

"How was your day at school, Amanda?"

"Weird, Mom, and kind of sad?"

"What happened?"

"I went into the bathroom and Claire was in the corner crying."

"Could you have just left?"

"Naw, she saw me."

"So what was she crying about?"

"She just found out that all the boys have been sending photographs of her at the Bukkake Party."

"Did she not realize that would happen?"

"No, she's innocent and stupid that way. Because she's fat."

"So what did you do?"

"I tried to comfort her. I told her that I had seen the photographs and no one could really tell it was you, because your face was all covered in come."

"And what did she say?"

"She said 'thank you'..."

"Yeah?"

"And then she said she would trade being smart for being able to be just like me."

"Oh: that IS sad."

"I know."

"So what did you say?"

"I told her she should come with me in the mornings and run and exercise, then she wouldn't be fat and all the boys would like her and she could then tell them to Fuck Off."

"That is SO caring of you, Amanda. Is she going to do it?"

"At first she said she couldn't..."

"Of course..."

"So I said "Fat Cow says what?" and she agreed to come exercise with me."

"Baby, you are an angel on this earth."

"I know. I just hope she doesn't have a heart attack and die, because then everyone would think it is MY fault..."

I am Laslo.