"Dad, I showed my tits to a boy to get him to write my term paper. You don't want to know about the dildo."

"Daddy Issue America": an Excerpt...

"It is SO good to see you, honey!"

"Yeah Dad. Appleby's?"

"Is there something wrong with Appleby's?"

"Do they have a Vegan Meal?"

"I didn't know, sweetheart: are you a Vegan now?"

"No, Dad: I just like places that take care of everybody, regardless of their individual food needs. Not everything has to be swollen cheese and meat."

"I'm sure they could have a salad..."

"Right."

"We can go..."

"This is fine. The atmosphere is perfect for a Father and Daughter who barely see each other very much."

"Now, Amanda..."

"It's OK, Dad, really: I know you have the twenty-year-old girlfriend now. She must wear you out."

"She's twenty-TWO...."

"Sure, Dad."

"...so, Honey: how has school been? Have you been doing all right?"

" I got some 'A's and 'B's."

"Ha! I knew if you applied yourself --"

"--Dad, I showed my tits to a boy to get him to write my term paper. You don't want to know about the dildo."

"Dildo?"

"It's like a dick, but bigger. And plastic-y."

"I know what a dildo is, Amanda..."

"It's not like I was sucking cocks or anything. I know that's what Part-time Fathers worry about: their little girl sucking cocks. Suck suck suck."

"Amanda --"

"Anyway, I already talked to Mom about it. It's all good."

"Honey, I'm worried: not everything your Mother agrees to is necessarily a good thing..."

"She told me you would say that."

"Maybe we should talk about something else..."

"Well, we've covered tits, cocks and dildos: what do YOU want to talk about?"

"Sometimes you remind me so much of your Mother..."

"Mom told me you would say that, too..."

I am Laslo.