"I must say that I am uncomfortable with that," I said, nonjudgmentally.

Know who is big into urine?

Jessica Alba, that's who.

We were naked in the shower together -- I am Laslo -- when she asked me to pee on her.

I was taken aback, but I am sensitive to the emotional needs of others, so I asked why.

"Because then I am a dolphin," she said, eyes full of hope. And with sudsy naked stupendous breasts. Spectacular, really.

"I must say that I am uncomfortable with that," I said, nonjudgmentally.

"There is nothing more free than a dolphin," she said, "swimming in a current of human warmth."

Long story short: she is, after all, Jessica Alba, so I peed on her. Up, down, side-to-side, lazy circles and figure-eights, all the urination repertoire that I could conceive. As I did this she made a series of sharp high-pitched squealing sounds: "Eeeeeep!!! Eeeeeeep!, followed by a sound that I assume was meant to simulate air being ejaculated through a blow-hole.

There was an awkward moment when I was done and the squeals and the blow-holing had stopped: did I do this right? Did I meet Jessica Alba's golden urinary expectations?

Well, I must have done alright, because then she said: "Dolphin wants to fuck." Which I assumed meant her.

So we had anal sex, then watched MSNBC: I know, I know.


For the record: I do not pee on Scarlett Johannson.


I am Laslo.

http://althouse.blogspot.com/2015/04/in-case-youve-been-wondering-what.html