Ever since my Daddy named me Lee Harvey I knew I was born to a Mission.
Mom wanted to just name me 'Doug' after her brother but Daddy said there were no famous Dougs anywhere, and you had to give a boy Purpose right from the start. Daddy, he hated Presidents. Besides, Doug was in prison for a misunderstanding with a young girl and an ice cream cone, so Daddy said he ain't naming his boy after a child-poker, and that was that.
Heck, on his Deathbed Daddy said "Son, I thought you'd have killed yourself a President by now. I am disappointed in you." Then he died. So that was kind of rough, him dying disappointed in me and all. A lot to deal with when you're twelve.
It's not like I haven't tried. I got close to the President once, but the Secret Service caught me and forced me to go get drunk at a strip club with them. I woke up with a hooker that said if I would've had happened to kill the President she would've given me that blow-job for free. That would've been nice, because I blew a lot of cash in the Champagne Room with the Agents. If you were at a pawn shop that summer and bought a watch engraved LH on the back that was probably mine. Real nice Timex, too.
Just this past February I put some guns in the trunk and headed out to the Washington DC, but my transmission blew up just outside of Walla Walla. It was a Japanese car, too, I thought they built cars better than that. Wasted that three hundred dollars: Dad woulda no doubt kicked my ass for buying a Jap car in the first place. You can buy a fine American car for three hundred dollars, that's what he would've said.
So now I'm just kinda waitin' til the time seems right. For awhile I thought I'd warm up on a Mayor or something, but it would suck going to prison over just a mayor. Anyhow.
Daddy: I haven't forgotten. I'll make you proud, even if you are dead and all.
I am Laslo.
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