Al Pacino's Agent says...
"So you want Al to star in your movie?"
"Yes! We'd think he'd be perfect for the role! He's --"
"How many moments does he got?"
"Moments?"
"Yeah. When he gets to make loud declamatory statements while running his hand through his hair. People love when Al does that."
"Uh. One, maybe?"
"It's three or we're walking."
"I'm sure we can massage the script..."
"Al's hair."
"Uh -- yeah?"
"You need to pay for his own personal hair styling professional. Of his choosing, of course."
"Of course..."
"Let's talk trailers..."
"Oh, he'll be featured in the trailers!"
"No, I mean 'trailers': the trailer he has on set. It will be the biggest, right?"
"Sure, yes: the biggest."
"By how much?"
"By how much? At least a couple of feet?"
"Al's trailer is twice the size of anyone else's trailer. That's standard."
"Twice the size. Got it."
"I said that was standard. You're not gonna give Al above-standard, you cheap fuck?"
"Oh yes! It will definitely be above standard."
"Good, good. And Al needs to see the script."
"Of course Al will see the script!"
"No, I mean Al will see the script, and his personal writer will edit the script to make sure Al has his moments."
"The moments, yes. We will accommodate all of Al's moments."
"Al is an Oscar-winner, you know."
"Of course he is! He is a Legend!"
"So you understand that he gets final approval of the film."
"Uh...okay, I guess..."
"How old is his love interest?"
"Well, he doesn't actually have a love interest in this role..."
"Actually he does. And she has to be under thirty."
"Under thirty. Got it."
"And Al gets to approve her tits."
"There's really no nudity in this film..."
"Doesn't matter. Al gets to approve the naked tits of any woman on-screen with him."
"Tit approval: Al's got it."
"I think we just might be making a movie together..."
I am Laslo.
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