Monday, May 29, 2017

I swear, working here makes me see way too many people.

The Girl at Starbucks That Hates You:

It was a warm day today, the kind of blue-and-beautiful that Seattle finally gives you after eight months of rain. So -- of course -- there are women in flip-flops and tank-tops and men in shorts in line, waiting to order iced drinks...

Maybe it's just me, but I have a hard time taking men in shorts seriously. I mean, wear them when you're mowing the lawn, sure, but I really don't want to see your pasty eight-months-of-rain bare legs today, okay? And tight shorts are too tight and baggy shorts are too baggy: is this what you wear to embarrass your kids when you're out with them? I mean, Real Dads wear pants, period...

But it got worse. Some hipster wannabes came in -- you know they're wannabes because real hipsters don't come into Starbucks, thank God -- and they're all wearing rompers. Really. It's bad enough when old men try to look like teenagers, but now young men want to look like toddlers? Do you need a Sippy Cup to drink your iced latte...?

I swear, working here makes me see way too many people. At least in an Office you see the same handful of people all the time -- you get used to who they are. But in customer service you see EVERYONE. Fucking Rompers: did your parents make adulthood look THAT scary to you...?

I look at someone in a Romper and I see someone preemptively denying all possibilities of Sex. Is there an abundance of Teddy Bears still on your bed? Did Toilet-Training go THAT poorly for you...?

The only thing I know is if -- God Forbid -- I'm still in this job a year from now  people are somehow going to look even more like assholes, because it seems like that is how it all now works. If I end up having to serve some twenty-two year old with an overgrown douchebag beard and wearing diapers I'll quit, I swear...

I am Laslo.

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