"Thank you all for being here, you all look good, expensive-good. You know: white-people bling. Some nice spray tans I'm seeing, too, but people: do you go orange to avoid going brown? Is that the deal? If black people start spraying themselves orange will you start giving them a job then...?
Here's the deal, white people. Where the fuck is Will Smith? He had a movie, a serious movie, but I don't see him nominated. You can't even give Will a token Oscar like you did Denzel? He even did an accent -- you white actors are BIG on accents, right? -- that's serious ACTING, real Meryl Streep shit. So Will even does The Accent and you still can't give him any love...?
Look, I'll explain it to you. Will is the black people's Tom Hanks: we root for him in anything he does. And Tom, he gets Oscars for everything, because, well, Tom Hanks is the White People's Tom Hanks. See where I am going with this...?
And what is it with the technical awards? Editing, sound effects, special effects: how is it that everyone who wins these awards is white? Is there not a single brother at a computer making things blow up and shit? I get it: if a black guy is at a computer he better be programming some dope beats, am I right...?
And you're all laughing, like it's not you I am talking about. here's the deal, people: it IS you. None of you are ready to give up your fancy seat to Rosa Parks, not one...
How about we try this: White Hollywood -- Boycott Yourselves. I'm serious: boycott your own asses. Leave the movies alone for a year, you can come back in 2017. Let's let some others make some of the films this year. Will Smith can take on whatever shit Matt Damon was going to do, Forrest Whittaker can take the DeNiro parts -- you feel me...?
I am Laslo.