"Farook!"
"Yes, Amir?"
"Our cousin Denzel in Verona is being prevented from opening his Kebab Shop!"
"Is it the Jews?"
"Well, it's the Italians, I think, but it is very Jewishy of them."
"Why are they doing such a thing?"
"To protect their Heritage, they say."
"Don't they realize that Kebab Shops are the only thing Westerners like about us Muslim immigrants? They hate us for everything else, but they sure love the Kebabs."
"And the Schwarma."
"Indeed, indeed: the Schwarma, too."
"Is there anything we can do to help him?"
"I was thinking we could bomb a local Pizza Hut as a sign of protest."
"That is GOOD, Farook! But we like to eat take-out from Pizza Hut. And the delivery guy from Domino's is already onto us."
"Then how about we bomb the McDonalds? We don't eat there."
"But they are Scottish, not Italian."
"I'm sure we hate the Scottish infidels, too, Amir."
"No doubt we do, Farook, but I am worried our Statement might get muddled."
"So Pizza Hut it is. Do you have any bombs ready?"
"Ummm..."
"You still haven't built any bombs, Amir? There is only so much research you can do on anti-Muslim Microaggressions in Western Internet Porn."
"But there is lot there if you know what to look for, Farook. There are hundreds of videos of men fucking women dressed in burkas, for instance."
"Do we take that as an insult or a compliment, Amir?"
"I am not sure. I need to do some more research, then consult with our Cleric."
"So we don't have any bombs. What can we do?"
"We can call Pizza Hut and ask for a female delivery person, then we can grope her when she arrives."
"But they'll know it is us, her coming to our Apartment and all."
"You know, Farook: waging war against the West can be harder than it looks..."
"I know. Perhaps we should get some Shwarma and think about this some more..."
I am Laslo.
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