Sunday, April 30, 2017

It is obviously not a misunderstanding: there is a guy with a cock in his ass and a cock in his mouth, right on the cover...

Sketchy Guy Who Works at the Adult Bookstore says:
I see it quite often. The customer walks hesitantly to the counter to purchase his porn. There are several choices of conventional straight porn-- blondes with big tits, no obvious tattoos -- but tucked in there -- usually second from the bottom -- is a Gay Porn selection...
It is obviously not a misunderstanding: there is a guy with a cock in his ass and a cock in his mouth, right on the cover: you can't say it was misleading -- especially with the title "Fucked Behind the Ball Sac, Volume 6"...
The customer is nervously looking away as I ring him up. I COULD ask him if he picked up the title by mistake -- "You know this is Gay Porn, right?" -- but I am not an Asshole. I act like it is no big deal, because it really IS no big deal. I work in a Porn Shop: I sell product to people who want to see various things go into various orifices. As long as children and animals aren't involved I am not a Social Critic...
Some of these men eventually drop the pretense, and just buy the Gay Porn by itself. They might even make brief eye contact. And -- when they include a small dildo in their purchase -- I know they are preparing themselves for the Next Step...


I am Laslo.

Notice now how he has his gaze in the direction of your ex-girlfriends bikini top?

Shamebook says...

Remember this from one year ago?

That is you, your boyfriend, and your best girlfriend. What a nice dinner that was. And the wine: LOTS of wine...

Then, somehow, your boyfriend talked everyone into a Threesome. You didn't want to do it of course, but you were drunk and he was persistent.

Remember how, after that night, you could never look your girlfriend in the eye? Remember how you drifted apart? What has it been -- ten months since you last heard from her?

And your boyfriend left you soon afterward. Maybe he always wanted your girlfriend instead of you: he got what he wanted and left. Remember that photo of the three of you at the beach in happier times? Notice now how he has his gaze in the direction of your ex-girlfriends bikini top?

We will show you THAT photo sometime, when we feel like it.

Thank you for being a member of Shamebook. We will never let you forget.



I am Laslo.


Here's that photo you accidentally took of the floor of the bar.

Shamebook says...

Remember this from one year ago?

You told your girlfriend you would be home by 10:00pm. But after the strip-club you and your buddies went to the bar and got wasted. Here's that photo you accidentally took of the floor of the bar.

Then you went home at 1:00am, passed out, and, at some point of the evening, you shit the bed.

Remember your girlfriend waking you up in anger, telling you she was Leaving You For Good, You Drunk Lying Asshole?

Remember how you then blew your rent money on strippers for the next month, until you had to move out and go back to living with your parents?

Remember that photo of you in your underwear throwing up in the toilet that your ex-girlfriend posted for all your friends to see?

We will show you THAT photo sometime, when we feel like it.

Thank you for being a member of Shamebook. We will never let you forget.

I am Laslo.

These are photos of you out getting drunk with friends. Pictures of smiling faces. Red watery eyes. Wow, you got wasted!

Shamebook says...

Remember this from one year ago?

These are photos of you out getting drunk with friends. Pictures of smiling faces. Red watery eyes. Wow, you got wasted!

And then you went home with the guy at the bar who stole the money from your purse and gave you Herpes.

Since you had no money you had a two-mile Walk of Shame to get home.

Then the guy would not stop texting you. You told him to stop but No, he kept texting.

Then he sent you that photo of you passed out with his cock against your face. We notice that you did not add that photo to Shamebook, but we uploaded it from your phone, anyway.

We will show you THAT photo sometime, when we feel like it.

Thank you for being a member of Shamebook. We will never let you forget.


I am Laslo.

Saturday, April 29, 2017

I bet it sucked, having to go through Fourth Grade twice!

The Ruthless Umlaut says...

Orange Cucks! Big Corporate Fascism, you ignorant Germknödels!

Do you people even have Principles? Of course, being stupid, you're probably thinking now of High School Principals -- if you even went to High School, you Moronic Cucks! I bet it sucked, having to go through Fourth Grade twice!

I have a Brain! You have Baumkuchen! Big Word: Adjective! Big Word: Noun! Or is that too much for you, you Cuck Bienenstichs!

Auf wiedersehen, you Mohrenkopfs!



I am Laslo.


Friday, April 28, 2017

My Dad would then complain and call those clothes 'dirty' but -- Fuck You, Dad -- Dirty is REAL...

The Clean College Chick With The Hot Nose Ring and Herpes says...

When I was a little girl I wanted to be a Florist when I grew up, because I really loved flowers: all the pretty colors and shapes and smells, I loved it all. But my Dad would just laugh at me, saying there was no 'real' money in that, and that I already had expensive tastes. Expensive tastes? I was twelve! I didn't like the newest clothes and shoes because they were expensive, I liked them because they were Cool...

I always had the clothes everyone else wanted and said they couldn't afford: that wasn't MY problem if their parents didn't make enough money. But then I realized that my Dad was Trying To Buy My Love by buying me all of those clothes, so I stopped wearing them. I would shop at Goodwill and Salvation Army and buy the clothes REAL people wore. My Dad would then complain and call those clothes 'dirty' but -- Fuck You, Dad -- Dirty is REAL...

You see, even as a teenager I understood what was REAL, and our Capitalist Patriarchy was NOT it. When I went to College I took classes in Women's Studies, and my Dad practically had a heart attack: he said I'd never get a job with that degree unless the person hiring was a Lesbian...

But Women's Studies opened my eyes: I realized I was RIGHT about what wasn't REAL, and that felt good. Then it hit me: Women's Studies were REAL, but how REAL could they fully be when they were still part of the Capitalist Patriarchal College System? It was Ghettoization, pure and simple...!

So I quit School and joined the Antifa. I will NOT live with my Soul in a Ghetto! I DON'T need the newest shoes this season! Still, I must admit: it made me a little sad when we rioted downtown last week and broke the windows of that Florist. But our Leader told me that the Florist was obviously selling flowers to all the Rich Pigs downtown, so he CHOSE to be punished. And you know? When I think about it that way I feel a lot better...


I am Laslo.


They have never had a Black Girl yell at them just because you had your blonde hair in corn-rows...

The Clean College Chick With The Hot Nose Ring and Herpes says...

I understand Oppression. Daddy wanted me to be a Cheerleader in High School because it would look good on College Applications, so I had to be a Cheerleader in High School. Even then I understood the Hypocrisy of Women being defined by their ability to cheer Men on: I get it, Dad, okay...?

Then on Rally Days I would have to wear my Cheerleader Outfit all day at school: of course my male teachers LOVED that. Like I didn't notice you trying to look up my skirt in class, you assholes...

The Women in the Antifa Group have never had to endure such experiences. They have never been at a Party where all the guys see you just as a pretty blonde sex object they want to fuck.They have never had a Black Girl yell at them just because you had your blonde hair in corn-rows...

I have talked to our Leader about this, and he counsels me to be patient: he says we have to fight Capitalist Oppression first, then Gay and Transgender Oppression, before we can get to the Oppression of Women. I don't know: maybe our Group would be different if it were led by a Woman...



I am Laslo.


Do it: give up a free Mercedes and THEN we'll talk Privilege, okay...?

The Clean College Chick With The Hot Nose Ring and Herpes says...

All of the women here in the Antifa Group think I am Privileged: like I got to choose my upbringing. right? Like I got to choose a Father who was a successful Capitalist but a shitty Dad who was always working. Like I got to choose to live in a lily-white neighborhood full of luxury SUVs and Mexican Gardeners with Leaf Blowers...

I think I should get credit for turning my back on that Patriarchal White Capitalist Life. Some of the women here have never even had anything, so it's easy for them to still not have anything, right? But I've given up Big Things: I CHOOSE to live this way. Which do YOU think is harder? How many people here have turned their back on the Mercedes their asshole Dad gave them for getting accepted into a Good College? Do it: give up a free Mercedes and THEN we'll talk Privilege, okay...?

Many of the women here didn't have their Father in their Lives, so they didn't see the Patriarchy up close like I did. They didn't hear their parents argue over a Kitchen Remodel -- like my Father should have had any say, being that he never even cooked for us...

So I understand Ivanka better than they do, because I understand how much she HASN'T given up to help fight Oppression. You think that would get me a little more respect, right...?



I am Laslo.


I mean, I'd fuck Ivanka without it needing to be a Hate Fuck, that's all I'm saying...

New Antifa Guy says...

It's funny: the Chicks in the Group hate Trump of course, but they REALLY hate Ivanka. She is a Little Rich Girl throwing women into the Ovens, basically. When this conversation really gets going it inevitably causes dark eyes to narrow at the Clean College Chick With The Hot Nose Ring and Herpes, who the other Chicks see as a Little Rich Girl who is Slumming It while fucking the Leader with the Anti-Fascist neck tattoos...

The Guys in the Group then say how they'd Hate-Fuck Ivanka, and they get really stoked on that. Me, I feel uncomfortable, hating a woman because of who her Father is, but I know to keep my mouth shut. I mean, I'd fuck Ivanka without it needing to be a Hate Fuck, that's all I'm saying...

Of course, when the Chicks are around the Guys don't even mention Hate-Fucking Ivanka, because the Chicks still see that as finding her desirable, and That Makes Them Mad and No Blow-Jobs. So if the Chicks are around the Guys, the Guys --  if they say anything -- will say how they'd Skull-Fuck Ivanka, which the Chicks find acceptable...

Some of the Guys, they would practically Skull-Fuck any Famous Chick, regardless of her Politics, but they will Skull-Fuck a Celebrity HARD if she happens to be Jewish. I think THEY think this is Ironic, I don't know. Again: I get uncomfortable with these conversations, sometimes: it is a lot easier to just talk about breaking car windows...



I am Laslo.


Thursday, April 27, 2017

It's hard, always trying to find the weakest person in the crowd to fight, without looking like you're a total Pussy...

New Antifa Guy says...

The Leader with the Anti-Fascist neck tattoos is Unhappy that the Parade got cancelled. He says no true Anarchist would want to stop the Opportunity For Protest, and he is PISSED -- he had already ordered two-dozen bicycle locks for the Event...

Me, I like it when we TALK about Fighting more than when we actually -- you know -- Fight. It's hard, always trying to find the weakest person in the crowd to fight, without looking like you're a total Pussy...

One of our Guys even told me I had to leave attacking Girls and Old People to OUR Chicks: talk about feeling small -- I felt the same as when I was a Kid and a Bully pushed me into a big pile of dog shit and everyone laughed...

So, needless to say, I'm glad the Parade got cancelled, even though I don't dare say that out loud. But I think some of the other guys feel the same way: it seems like the people we protest against are getting more aggressive: I certainly liked it better when they didn't hit back...

Meanwhile, the Clean College Chick With The Hot Nose Ring and Herpes says we need to stop being Pussies and Start Getting It On. She hasn't actually hit anyone yet, so people are Irritated with her Mouthing Off, but all the Guys still want to fuck her so they stay quiet. I still want to fuck her, too, but maybe her getting knocked around a bit would help her better understand the Reality of Our Situation...



I am Laslo.


Especially if you think about Ass Herpes.

New Antifa Guy says...

The Clean College Chick With The Hot Nose Ring and Herpes came by and talked to me again last night: she made me promise not to tell ANYONE what she said, and I told her she could trust me...

It seems the Leader with the Anti-Fascist neck tattoos REALLY wants to have anal sex with her, and she is not ready for that. I started to tell her about me being fucked in the ass in School but she really wasn't listening to me: she just wanted to talk herself, so I listened and nodded -- it was HER ass, after all...

It really put me in a tough situation: if she doesn't want to have anal sex I don't think she should feel bad about saying that. Especially if you think about Ass Herpes. On the other hand, if the Leader with the Anti-Fascist neck tattoos found out that I talked her into having anal sex with him I bet my Status in the Group would go up immensely...

I gotta admit: a part of me was hoping she would want me to have anal sex with her, just to try it out. Things never work out that way for me, though. I kinda hope she doesn't give in, but I think she will: the Leader with the Anti-Fascist neck tattoos usually gets his way, and you can't have just ONE Chick in the Group hold out on anal -- that would really cause Inner Turmoil with the Other Chicks with the Ass Herpes...



I am Laslo.


Now she has got his name tattooed on her neck, and has shaved the sides of her head.

So the Leader with the Anti-Fascist neck tattoos gave the Clean College Chick With The Hot Nose Ring a case of Herpes. Now she has got his name tattooed on her neck, and has shaved the sides of her head. I gotta admit, I wish the Group's Other Chicks looked more like she had looked, rather than her starting to look more like Them...

The Other Chicks now REALLY don't like her, and have been making noises about splitting off into another Group more focused on Feminist Issues. I hate it when the Group fights like this; it reminds me of how my parents fought after my Dad found out my Mother was sleeping with our Neighbor who drove a Mercedes...

After our meeting last night we went downtown and smashed some car windows to Strengthen our Unity, and to remind people that We Are Still Here. The Police came out, but they just dispersed us: that was good, because I don't want to spend a Night in Jail -- I was fucked in the ass by a Teacher once, and I still have nightmares about THAT...

After we broke the car windows we all got stoned and everyone was in Good Spirits. I even gave a Short Speech about how we need to Support Each Other and Stand Strong Together. The Leader with the Anti-Fascist neck tattoos nodded in approval, so that was nice, and one of the chicks gave me a blow-job: I feel I am Moving Up in the Group -- Me, the Kid who was beaten up all the time because I smelled funny from not taking showers. Today Was a Good Day...



I am Laslo.


She's fucking one of the Group Leaders, the one with the Anti-Fascist neck tattoos: I get it -- that's what Hot Chicks do.

New Antifa Guy says...

I was talking to the Clean College Chick With The Hot Nose Ring after one of our meetings, and she Really Believes This Stuff. At first I thought she was just slumming it, but she is Totally Down With Destroying The Patriarchy...

She told me her Father would never understand what she is fighting for, and that is why she is Fighting. I had to think on that one for a moment, but I guess it makes sense: she's really smart that way...

Of course, I haven't had sex with her. She's fucking one of the Group Leaders, the one with the Anti-Fascist neck tattoos: I get it -- that's what Hot Chicks do. But I kinda thought the Antifa would've been a little different that way, but that might just me being disappointed that I didnt get to fuck her, too...

Now it turns out the Leader with the Anti-Fascist neck tattoos gave her Herpes, but she isn't even mad about that: she thinks that just shows her commitment to the oppressed. In a way it makes me not want to fuck her as much, but I guess I still would fuck her if I had the chance: if you had to get Herpes she'd be the kind of girl worth getting it from...



I am Laslo.


She was kind of meth-y, but I figure as I get Bigger Cred I'll get nicer Chicks, or at least ones where I don't have to worry about Herpes so much...

New Antifa Guy says...

I'll admit it: I joined the Antifa group to pick up Chicks. Chicks dig Bad Boy Types, and I figured this was a way to be a Bad Boy without actually, like, ending up in Prison. I don't want to go to Prison: I just know I'm the type of guy who'd get traded around for a pack of cigarettes...

I first tried hooking up with the Black Lives Matter crowd, but they didn't have a lot of respect for white guys with dreadlocks like me. And some of those Black Dudes were SCARY. Like they had even been in jail and stuff. But the Antifa: there aren't a lot of minorities involved, which is good, because I want to hook up with White Chicks...

I remember at my first Protest when things got Real: I pepper-sprayed an old lady, and this Antifa Chick gave me a blow-job that same night! Right on! She was kind of meth-y, but I figure as I get Bigger Cred I'll get nicer Chicks, or at least ones where I don't have to worry about Herpes so much...

This one College Girl started coming to our meetings, and she was Hot! Real clean, too: you don't see Clean a lot at our meetings. And a tiny little nose ring on the side of her nose -- that's soooo Sexy! Of course, the other Chicks hated her, but all the guys wanted to impress her with their stories. I need better stories: pepper-spraying an Old Lady is pretty low on the Bad Ass scale, I know...

The Truth is, I don't really like fighting that much: I was beaten up a lot as a kid, because I was weird and didn't take showers very often. But at the Protests the Police keep it from getting too out of hand, so I feel pretty safe.   I think I'm even ready to throw a punch now, if I can find an Old Guy who doesn't look too dangerous. Old Guys can be tricky, though: I know my Father could still kick my ass, he was in the Army...



I am Laslo.


Wednesday, April 26, 2017

Yes, I am a thirty-one-year-old teacher, born of well-to-do parents, who is sleeping with one of my students.

Daddy Issues America...

Yes, I am a thirty-one-year-old teacher, born of well-to-do parents, who is sleeping with one of my students. Yes, Patriarchal Society would condemn me if it knew. However, I choose not to be judged by people who cannot understand The Depths of a Woman's Heart. The fact that my Father would not understand is just another reason why I want nothing to do with men like my Father: I will NOT choose a Life of Male-Dominated Misery...

I know what you must be thinking. "Poor little rich girl, what does she know about misery...?"

I know. Outwardly, I was everything a well brought up girl should be. Inside, I was screaming...

I saw my whole life as if I'd already lived it. Always the same narrow people, the same mindless chatter. I felt like I was standing at a great precipice, with no one to pull me back, no one who cared... or even noticed...

And I've never spoken of my Student Lover until now... Not to anyone... A woman's heart is a Deep Ocean of Secrets. But now you know there is a boy who is my student and that he saved me... in every way that a person can be saved...

So say what you will: it matters not to me. My Heart WILL Go On...



I am Laslo.


We get it, women: Daddy Didn't Love You The Right Way.

Women used to express their Daddy Issues at a man symbolic of their father.

Now they express their Daddy Issues at the Man's Daughter.

We get it, women: Daddy Didn't Love You The Right Way. He was too domineering or he wasn't there at all. Or he thought you should study a subject in University more job-oriented than Women's Studies. Or he didn't understand your Lesbian Phase. Or he wasn't supportive when you shaved your head.

Or, perhaps you suspect that if he found out about your abortion he would be saddened by your action.

Fight the Good Fight, and Keep Those Feelings of Inadequacy at Bay.



I am Laslo.



My 9:55 comment does not let men off the hook.

What passes for Men are now a lot of Daddy-Issue-Enabling Whipped Boys.

They listen to the woman's Daddy Issues and nod and murmur sympathetically.

How terrible THOSE kind of men are!

I would NEVER let a Man like that hurt you, baby!

I didn't mean it that way -- I know you can take care of yourself without needing a Man to protect you!

I fully support the Integrity of you Owning Your Being!

I'm sorry if I was Mansplaining -- I didn't mean it, Honest.

This was Totally My Fault: I forgot that me watching basketball on television reminds you of your Father watching basketball when you were a little girl and not listening to you. I'm here, baby: I'm listening.

I was NOT checking out that waitress girl's ass, I swear!

It's Daddy Issues, all the way down.



I am Laslo.


https://althouse.blogspot.com/2017/04/ivanka-does-her-perfect-poise-routine.html

Tuesday, April 25, 2017

"I don't know. Have you talked to your psychiatrist about this?"

Daddy Issues America...

"I've been having this thought lately..."

"Tell me, baby. I want to hear."

"I like that you value my thoughts. I don't think I could be with a man who doesn't support my thoughts."

"I always support your thoughts. You thoughts make you 'you', you know?"

"I've just been thinking. I'm tired of working at the coffeeshop."

"I understand. You're too good for that place."

"So what I've been thinking is, we dress in black tonight, go to my Dad's house, sneak in and kill him, then take off on the road. Live life day by day. Dusty roads, diners, gas stations in the middle of nowhere. REAL life."

"Uh...."

"We'd bury him in the backyard and then we'd be free. Free! It'll be just like a movie! Lovers on the run!"

"Maybe we could just head off on the road by itself. You know, without the 'killing' thing."

"That won't work. I've given it a lot of thought, and I can never be free until my Daddy's dead. I'll kill him, and you'll cut off his head."

"Cut off his head?"

"Yeah. That way he won't be able to look at me anymore."

"But he'll be dead, anyway."

"Yeah, but it will be more so with his head cut off. I can tell when he is looking at me, even when he isn't there."

"I don't know. Have you talked to your psychiatrist about this?"

"Yeah. She says my Father is the Root of All My Problems. I really like her."

"So she is okay with you killing him?"

"Well, I didn't exactly tell her that part, but I think it was understood."

"I don't know: maybe you should talk to her one more time."

"But these dreams of killing my Father torment me. They won't leave me alone until I do it."

"Maybe you could talk to your psychiatrist about THAT."

"Do you think that would help?"

"I'm sure it will. If she says Killing Your Father is okay then we'll talk about it."

"Okay: if it is that important to you. I just need to let my Dad know about the appointment..."

"Why is that?"

"Because he pays for all my visits..."



I am Laslo.



https://althouse.blogspot.com/2017/04/ivanka-does-her-perfect-poise-routine.html

See? There is far less Hate in what I am saying, and I think my message is stronger for it.

Woke Hate Speech Guy says..

I can admit it now: I realize that a lot of things I have said in the past could be considered Hate Speech. And I realize now that Hate Speech Hurts, and I feel bad about that. I'm still not quite sure why I feel bad, but I guess that is part of becoming more conscious of people's feelings...

In the past I might have said something like "All Jews should die." Then -- of course -- people would get upset and not listen to the nuances of my statement.. So now I say:

"I don't think that ALL Jews should die."

Or:

"There are SOME Jews who shouldn't be killed."

See? There is far less Hate in what I am saying, and I think my message is stronger for it.

I have learned that it is important to be reasonable. People want to be reasonable to a reasonable person, it makes them feel good about themselves. And I figure if you can get people to meet you half-way, then you're half-way there...

Like, I previously might have said:

"All Jews should've died in the ovens."

Now I would more likely say:

"It was inhumane to use the ovens to kill Jews."

See? Less Hate. I even used the word 'inhumane', which is a good thing to say about things that other people find bad.

Where I might have said:

"The Jewish Conspiracy is the biggest problem the World faces," I now say:

"The Jewish Conspiracy is a big problem the World faces,"

I'm still kinda working on that one: I realize my Growth is a work in progress...



I am Laslo.


Sunday, April 23, 2017

"They just want you to shut up so they can eat their turkey pot pie. But I'm not gonna let them eat their turkey pot pie. I'm NEVER gonna let them eat their turkey pot pie."

Unhappy Blog Commenter at the Psychiatrist... 

"How are we feeling this week...?"

"Same as last week, I suppose. I called people on the Internet idiots, they called me an idiot, I told them no-YOU'RE-the-idiot. I won."

"And did this provide you emotional satisfaction?"

"For a few moments, yes. I find satisfaction in my superiority."

"So someone who disagrees with you is not just disagreeing, they are inferior?"

"Hell yeah. They're Idiots and Douchebags. Or Douchebag Idiots. You get the idea."

"What if I were to tell you that you are NOT superior, but are simply a man with opinions, much like everyone else?"

"Sure, Doc. Nazis had opinions, too. So do child molesters."

"You think that the people who disagree with you must be Nazis or child molesters?"

"Oh yeah. Nazis with sexual problems, that's them. And a lot of them probably can't even get it up anymore. Not even with farm animals. Because they're old."

"So their age matters?"

"Of course it does. Old people have old ideas. Old ideas are in the way."

"Let's take a step back. How do you interact with people in the Real World?"

"They're all Fake. Have you ever read "Catcher in the Rye"?"

"Yes, I have."

"I see a lot of myself in Holden Caulfield. He got tired of putting up with people's shit."

"That IS an interesting insight. You DO realize Caulfield was an adolescent?"

"So what?"

"Well, after adolescence it is hoped that people mature."

"Mature? Like getting old and fucking stupid? Fuck that. It's like what they say: "When you grow up, your heart dies."

"Is that from a movie?"

"Yeah. The Fucking "Breakfast Club," man. That was the real shit. I'm like Holden Caulfield, but I'm like Bender, too. Bad-ass."

"I notice you identify with disaffected anti-social adolescent characters."

"You mean the ones with the balls to call out old people on their shit? Sure, I'll cop to that."

"Do you ever think how you'll be when you get old?"

"I ain't gonna be putting my cigarettes out on my son's arm, if you know what I mean."

"Actually, I'm not sure what you mean. Is that another movie reference?"

"Fuck yeah -- "The Breakfast Club", man. Bender's Dad put out his cigarettes on Bender's arm, but Bender didn't let it bring him down."

"OK..."

"Stupid, worthless, no good, goddamn, freeloading son of a bitch. Retarded, big mouth, know-it-all, asshole, jerk. You forgot ugly, lazy and disrespectful. Shut up bitch! Go fix me a turkey pot pie. No dad, what about you? Fuck you. No dad, what about you? Fuck you. Dad, what about you? 
Fuck you!"

"I take it that is Bender talking with his Father?"

"Fuck yeah. That's how those idiot douchebags on the internet are. They just want you to shut up so they can eat their turkey pot pie. But I'm not gonna let them eat their turkey pot pie. I'm NEVER gonna let them eat their turkey pot pie."

"I think our session is coming to a close..."

"I spit on their turkey pot pie! I SHIT on their turkey pot pie..."

"Yes, alright: we'll resume this line of discussion next week..."

"I'll shit on their turkey pot pie and then I'll make them eat it! EAT IT, OLD PEOPLE! EAT TURKEY POT PIE SHIT...!"



I am Laslo.



https://althouse.blogspot.com/2017/04/fuzzy-purple.html

Saturday, April 22, 2017

"So I just say, sure, I fucked Bruce Jenner in the ass, but he was wearing a wig?"

"Hey Clint? This is Burt..."

"What's up, Burt?"

"Remember that Party in the Seventies?"

"I think you're going to need to narrow that one down, Burt."

"You know the one: the party where I fucked Farrah Fawcett in the ass. In the back bedroom. In the back bedroom I fucked Farrah in the ass."

"Yeah, I remember that."

"Well, now Caitlyn Jenner is saying that it was HER, not Farrah."

"Sounds about right."

"What?"

"It was a dude, Burt. The chick you fucked was absolutely a dude. I saw her."

"You must be thinking of someone else..."

"Nah, it was her. In fact, you came over to me afterward and pointed her out. Said you fucked her in the ass."

"And you knew it was a dude?"

"Hell, yeah. One-hundred-percent."

"I think I'm going to be sick..."

"Take it easy on yourself, Burt. It was a long time ago."

"Yeah, but now everyone knows that me -- Burt Reynolds -- fucked a guy in the ass. This shit ain't funny."

"If I were you, I'd just go with it. If you show you're angry the liberal Hollywood types will attack you."

"So I just say, sure, I fucked Bruce Jenner in the ass, but he was wearing a wig?"

"Pretty much."

"I don't know..."

"Hell, they'll probably make you famous again. Cast you in a movie about drag queens or something. If you play your cards right you might even get that Oscar."

"You think they'd give me an Oscar if I say I fucked Bruce Jenner in the ass?"

"Yeah. But make sure to call her Caitlyn. You can say you saw the femininity in her before anyone else did. Makes you look progressive."

"But does that mean I need to fuck dudes, now?"

"Every now and then, Burt. If you want that Oscar."

"Shit..."

"Hell, now you can remake "Smokey and the Bandit", but instead of Sally Field you drive around with a transgender fella. "Smokey and the Ass-Bandit." People will love it."

"I DID love it when people loved me..."

"The Seventies were a Good Time..."

"Yeah, they were. I just hope I didn't fuck any other guys in the ass, that's all."

"I understand."

"And to think: all this time I was worried about all the underage girls..."



I am Laslo.


"I have many patients who suffer from Narcissism and Delusions of Grandeur."

Unhappy Blog Commenter at the Psychiatrist...

"Is this your first time seeing a psychiatrist?"

"Yeah. I've been feeling very disappointed in people, lately."

"Ah, yes. And you want to know how you can adjust your behavior to a more appropriate level of understanding."

"Fuck, no. I want to know why everyone else sucks."

"How about we discuss some of these people who have disappointed you..."

"Well, there's a Blog I read, and the writer is always blogging about shit that doesn't matter, and NOT blogging about the shit that DOES matter."

"Have you considered reading another blog? One more to your liking?"

"They ALL disappoint me. I just like this disappointment best."

"And how do you respond to this disappointment?"

"I add comments. I add a LOT of comments."

"And what do you discuss in these comments?"

"I write about how this Blog and its commenters make me sick. Angry and sick."

"And this makes you feel better?"

"Yeah. I tell them they are all assholes who are getting it wrong. I come up with some pretty great put-downs. Occasionally I wish death on another commenter."

"While this may make you happy in the short-term, it doesn't seem healthy as a long-term behavior."

"Yeah. It gets tough coming up with new insults. But those people really suck: they deserve it."

"Again: maybe you could try a Blog more in line with your thinking."

"They don't appreciate me, either. What's worse, they ignore me, because EVERYONE is disappointed. And angry. I don't stand out."

"And 'standing out' is important to you?"

"Of course it is. If people would just understand how Intelligent I am then they would realize I am Right. All the time. And they should then just Shut Up with their shit."

"Well, I don't think ANYONE is right 'all the time'..."

"That's because you're used to dealing with crazy people. You never have dealt with someone like me."

"Actually, I have. I have many patients who suffer from Narcissism and Delusions of Grandeur."

"Yeah -- those kind of people are the ones I'm talking about. The other commenters. They're so full of their own shit and then they write that shit on the Internet like it's important."

"How do you view YOUR writing on the Internet?"

"I see what you're doing there. The difference is I AM writing Important Things. These people need to know how disappointing they are."

"Maybe you should try a Positive Comment, and see how people respond?"

"Fuck that. I'll never give those fuckers an inch. And that starts with the Blog's Writer, herself."

"We're near the end of our session. So, to recap: you are Unhappy, and you spend your time reading a Writer you don't respect and then communicating with others that you don't respect. And you want all of them to change while you stay the same. Is that a fair assessment?

"Pretty much. It gets so tiring, being compelled to constantly deal with people who disappoint me. But it also helps me masturbate too, you know?"

"I think we're going to need a LOT of sessions..."

"I would think so: it takes a lot of time for someone to fully understand just how smart I am..."



I am Laslo.