Saturday, April 1, 2017

"Oh, look: the Jew is all High and Mighty. Maybe we should go have lunch at Auschwitz..."

Jewish Chick: "That was fun, posing with all of you in the name of Diversity. How about we go somewhere and have lunch together?"

Gay Dude: "Fabulous! I know this little place that has the most divine pork cutlets!"

Muslim Chick: "Sorry: I can't eat pork. It is against my religion."

Jewish Chick: "Me too. I need to keep it Kosher."

Muslim Chick: "Kosher? Ha! I have to keep it Halal: that's the REAL thing, Allah be praised!"

Stump Dude: "Why don't we keep it simple? Let's just get some cheeseburgers..."

Jewish Chick: "Cheeseburgers? My meat and dairy cannot touch..."

Christian Chick: "And I'm Lactose Intolerant. Cheese gives me the diarrhea, real bad..."

Black Dude: "We could just go get some fried chicken..."

Cane Dude: "Won't work for me: I'm vegan."

Wheelchair Dude: "Yeah. Meat obstructs my bowels."

Christian Chick: "Surely there is some place we can all agree on, right?"

Muslim Chick: "Oh look, everybody: the White Christian Girl wants us all to just get along. Check your privilege, bitch."

Jewish Chick: "I don't think she meant any harm..."

Black Dude: "You white people ALWAYS think you ain't doin' any harm. It's all bullshit, ya hear?"

Gay Dude: "You think YOU'RE oppressed? Try being a gay boy from India..."

Stump Dude: "You all got it easy. I'm missing my arm. My right arm. And I was right-handed..."

Black Dude: "Oh, so now you gotta be a 'lefty'? Boo-fucking-hoo. Try being left-handed and BLACK..."

Christian Chick: "This is making me so sad..."

Black Dude: "Shut it, White Girl. We don't need you feeling sad for us, you patronizing Bitch..."

Wheelchair Dude: "You shouldn't talk to her that way..."

Black Dude: "Oh? Does Cripple Boy have a problem with a Black Man speaking his mind?"

Wheelchair Dude: "I'm in this wheelchair because I got hit in a crosswalk by a drunk driver. A BLACK drunk driver."

Jewish Chick: "I don't think any of this is being helpful.."

Muslim Chick: "Oh, look: the Jew is all High and Mighty. Maybe we should go have lunch at Auschwitz..."

Cane Dude: "Maybe we should all just go home..."

Gay Dude: "Wait! I think it is good, us being Honest. And -- in the name of Honesty -- I really want to suck your cock, Black Dude..."

Black Dude: "Fuck THAT. You're lucky I don't beat your ass back to your call-center, Hindu Boy..."

Christian Chick: "I'm going home, people..."

Muslim Girl: "You do that, infidel."

Christian Chick: "Hey! I was the only one willing to eat wherever you guys decided..."

Cane Dude: "That's just because you're bulimic, and would just throw it all up, anyway..."

Christian Girl: "That's because I don't want to be fat. NO ONE likes Fat People."

Black Dude: "You know -- I think White Girl might finally be right..."

I am Laslo.

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