Friday, November 24, 2017

Because that is where the Good Stuff on the internet is.

"... haunting... audacious... ingenious... brilliant... intricate... masterly... restless... fascinating new... magnificently funny, sucker-punch-tragic... assured... sinister and charming... stunning... fierce and unsettling... powerful..."

That is a post currently on Althouse. Unfortunately it is not about my comments.

Seriously: I think I have gotten too wrapped up on getting responses for my pieces -- it started becoming a validation, and when a dry spell hit -- well, from David Foster Wallace:

"Because see, by this time, my ego’s all invested in the writing. It’s the only thing I’ve gotten food pellets from the universe for. So I feel trapped: ‘Uh-oh, my five years is up, I’ve gotta move on.’"

I'm going to take a Laslo break for awhile. Maybe a few days, maybe a month, maybe much longer -- I don't know: my increasingly poorer health over this last year has been making me irritable. Hoping that changes soon. Otherwise I'll turn into the character "The Asshole Commenter Who Is Just An Asshole."

Meanwhile, a guy I know here in Seattle -- we've had beers over the years -- well: he used to comment back in the day, and he has returned under a new name. I'm looking forward to what he might do.

Anyway -- I'll still be reading Althouse, and the commenters there. Because that is where the Good Stuff on the internet is.

'I am Laslo' blog, as of this pause:

Just shy of 90,000 pageviews.
Posts: 1406, counting this one.
122 comments.

Yeah. it took me 1406 posts to get the amount of comments that Althouse gets in one day. In one post. She IS The Master.



I am Laslo.


Thursday, November 23, 2017

There is a girl in one of the pee videos who has blue hair, so of course she reminds me of the Girl with the Blue Hair who works at McDonalds.

Socially Awkward Guy Who Makes No Eye Contact says:

It's Thanksgiving, which means the Girl with the Blue Hair won't be working at McDonalds today, which sucks. My mom is going over to her boyfriend's place later to cook him turkey; she invited me to come along, but I think I'd rather be awkward alone than awkward at my mom's boyfriend's place: the guy is a creep. And he always asks me if I finally got a girlfriend: sure, yeah, that's why I washed my hair last week...

So I'm just going to stay home and watch guys pee on girls on the internet. At one of the sites they have viewers rate the videos, and I find it sad: they always give the highest ratings to the ones where the girls look like they don't want to be peed on...

I would hate to pee on a girl who didn't want to be peed on. I like the videos where she is smiling, and her eyes are closed so she doesn't get pee in them: they shouldn't have to get conjunctivitis, that isn't fun...

I had pinkeye when I was younger. The doctor said I needed to start washing my hands after using the bathroom. I didn't know you were supposed to wash your hands, no one told me that. So now I wash my hands...

There is a girl in one of the pee videos who has blue hair, so of course she reminds me of the Girl with the Blue Hair who works at McDonalds. She doesn't have a name listed, so I couldn't look her up to find other videos of her getting peed on. Then it dawned on me: I Googled 'blue hair girl piss videos' and I found several of them. Duh...

I wonder if the girls who get peed on in the videos are home with their familes for Thanksgiving. It would be cool to be one of them's boyfriends, and be sitting next to her, eating turkey and nodding while everyone else talked...



Like no one else thinks these things.


When I was fifteen he was drunk and 'accidentally' touched my breasts.

The Girl at Starbucks That Hates You:

It's Thanksgiving, so of course I am working today. It isn't that big a deal, really: they are closing the store at 5:00pm so that the employees can be home for Thanksgiving evening. A lot of people are complaining, saying they should've just given us the whole day off, but -- come on -- it's still nice, and it could be worse, like working at Jack In The Box selling burgers at night to those people who have nothing else to do on Thanksgiving than to go through the Jack In The Box drive-thru for a burger and large-size fries...

I told my mother to not hold dinner for me: I'd hate it if everyone had to wait until I got there. I'm fine getting a plate when I get there, okay? Besides, if they waited they would just drink more before I got there, and sometimes that gets embarrassing. My Uncle Frank, he has a problem with the drinking. When I was fifteen he was drunk and 'accidentally' touched my breasts. I've forgiven him, but he still really never makes eye contact with me...

Anyway, I don't really want to sit at the table and hear my sister in her new expensive clothes go on about being thankful for her amazing job and her new fancy car. Because then she'll ask me why I'm still working at Starbucks. And the reason I'm working at Starbucks is because, after all my resumes went out, they were the only ones to hire me...

I'm already paying an enormous debt for the two years of college that I DID go to; she -- of course -- got a scholarship, so she didn't have to worry about such things. She IS scary smart -- sometimes she just doesn't know that most people aren't as smart as her, and it might come harder to them. And sometimes she just doesn't know that she's being an asshole...

My Dad has tried to help me with college, but he's been tight on money ever since he and Mom divorced. I miss the Thanksgivings when we were all together: I have some great memories of those. Dad would make things out of the mashed potatoes at the table. I think that is from some old movie, but I've never seen it...

I asked my Dad if he wanted me to come to his place for Thanksgiving: it'd be nice, having a quiet evening, but he says that would really disappoint my mother, so we'll just get together a little later. Which probably might not happen, because he works night shifts and I work weekends...

So, for Thanksgiving, I am thankful for the little things. Of course, I don't really have any 'big things', but I DO have a lot of little things. And work'll be fine: everybody will probably be in a happy mood. Although, people: do you buy the Pumpkin Spice shit because you like it, or just because it makes you think of Christmas...?



I am Laslo.

Monday, November 20, 2017

Unfortunately, many of my thoughts about making this happen kinda sound like kidnapping.

The Guy Who Searches the Internet for Nude Pictures of an Old Girlfriend...

So I went to my ex-girlfriend's apartment to see if her nude photos were on her computer, and she had changed her password. And I stole a pair of her panties. When she was mine she was fat and her panties were big and boring. Now she is fit and her panties are sleek and exciting...

I have resumed scouring the internet to find the photos, but I am beginning to believe that I might never find them: there are just too many naked girls on the internet...

I parked out by her gym again. She was wearing her black stretch pants and a yellow sports bra. I am starting to have a reoccurring fantasy. If I could just somehow get her to my place and keep her there for a week maybe she would remember how good we fit together, and she would realize why we should be back together now...

Unfortunately, many of my thoughts about making this happen kinda sound like kidnapping. I mean, it wouldn't really be kidnapping: I would just be putting her in an environment that would help her think more clearly. But it still kinda sounds like kidnapping...

I picture us at my place, and my having sex with her and her new taut body. I hope I wouldn't have to tie her to the bed: I don't know, sometimes that happens in the fantasy, sometimes it doesn't...

I know these thoughts are not good for me. Even if you do this kind of thing for the right reason they will still probably throw you in prison. As I said, I have resumed scouring the internet to find the photos, but I can feel my heart isn't really into it. I realize I need to do more. I cannot be so passive. Maybe being passive is why she left me in the first place. Maybe she would be excited about me taking action: that might be what she wanted all along...



I am Laslo.


https://althouse.blogspot.com/2017/11/at-fair-trade-cafe.html

Sunday, November 19, 2017

Sometimes you touch a woman's ass and it disappoints you. This ass was not disappointing, not disappointing at all.

The Guy Who Touches Women's Asses...

As I said previously: I touch women's asses in public. Women that I don't know. Women with nice asses: I touch them. And I blame women for this: women are to blame. The clothes they wear: what lawyers call "Attractive Nuisance", I believe.

There was a woman at the grocery store today, wearing black leggings. She had a nice ass, so I touched it. Firm. Very much a nice ass. Sometimes you touch a woman's ass and it disappoints you. This ass was not disappointing, not disappointing at all.

Then she turned to face me, saying "Hey!" So I grunted something that vaguely sounded like "Sorry" and I handed her the card that says "I have Autism. And I'm partially deaf."

She fixed me with a suspicious look, but then turned away, pushing her cart down the aisle. As she pushed her cart down the aisle I looked at their ass: I touched that ass.


I am Laslo.

Somehow they didn't think this would happen when they got dressed in the morning in leggings that clearly show their buttocks.

The Guy Who Touches Women's Asses...

I admit it: I touch women's asses in public. Women that I don't know. Women with nice asses: I touch them. I touch them intentionally. I mean, maybe I sometimes brush a woman's ass by accident, but mostly I touch them on purpose...

Furthermore, I blame women for this: yes I do. Tight pants, tight leggings, tight skirts, yoga pants: women are putting their asses out into the public sphere. I am in the public sphere, and I touch those asses...

Now, I don't grope or pinch or hook: I keep an open palm -- I cup. Obviously, some women get upset that I do this. Somehow they didn't think this would happen when they got dressed in the morning in leggings that clearly show their buttocks. Again: I blame the women for this...

They have made their identity about their ass, then feign surprise when I view them as a vehicle for their ass. When they get really upset I hand them a card I've had printed: "I have Autism. And I'm partially deaf." Then I make grunting noises that sound like I'm trying to say words, but I can't actually say the words. Because I'm partially deaf. And have autism. This usually causes the woman to walk away. When they walk away I look at their ass: I touched that ass.



I am Laslo.



Bill Clinton, the Stand-Up Comedian...

Bill Clinton, the Stand-Up Comedian...

Great night, people, great night, thank you for coming! A lot of news about me in the papers lately. See, right there: I'm from a different era, right? I remember when you read the news in papers, not on your phone. The world has changed from my day, I sure see it...

You know, I'm getting a rep as a kinda bad boy lately, am I right? Bad boy, bad boy. I can't help it, I'm from an earlier time, things were different between men and women...

Back then, when women said 'No', we actually thought they still kinda might mean 'yes', okay? I know, I know: times have changed. But in my defense, it WAS Arkansas, you know what I mean...?

I know better now, I know better. I'll tell you a little something. When I was young I idolized John Kennedy, idolized him, right? And JFK, he liked the ladies. And he liked cigars. So I liked the ladies and cigars, right? Except I kinda screwed that one up, didn't I? You keep the ladies and the cigars separate, I know that now. Again: I was from Arkansas -- sophistication there meant putting premium gas in your truck, okay..?

Now, of course, I've realized I caused a lot of pain, I feel it. I'm really sorry for what I've done. And I'm sorry for what I've done that hasn't come out yet, okay? Real sorry. From my heart. Growing up in Arkansas without a father figure, I didn't know the proper way to be with women. And I made mistakes: I know that. I understand now that we all can't live our lives like we're Teddy Kennedy, you know what I mean...?

And it might sound like I'm making fun of Arkansas tonight, but the truth is I love Arkansas. Deep down, I'm an Arkansas boy. Still am, still am. Back home, they say you can take the boy out of Arkansas, but you can't take Arkansas out of the boy. But it turns out you kinda can: it's called DNA testing...

You've been great, thank you, thank you from my heart...



I am Laslo.



Saturday, November 18, 2017

I was breaking the law and STILL couldn't get what I wanted...

The Guy Who Searches the Internet for Nude Pictures of an Old Girlfriend...

So I went to my ex-girlfriend's apartment to see if her nude photos were on her computer. I know, I know: that was wrong. But I figured the quicker I could get those photos then the quicker I could put all of this behind me: I'm starting to think this obsession isn't good for my mental health...

I went to her computer and entered her password, BUT SHE HAD CHANGED IT. She had changed her password -- I couldn't believe it. Her password was "MacGyver 123" because MacGyver was the name of her childhood dog, and she LOVED that dog...

I thought maybe I had the password wrong -- it had been awhile -- so I tried different spellings -- McGyver, MacGver, MacGyver 1234, MacGyver 12345, but none of them worked. I was breaking the law and STILL couldn't get what I wanted...

Anyway, I looked around her apartment a little, since I was there. She had new photos of her family on her desk. I always liked her family, they were nice to me. Her father's hair was a lot grayer now, but they looked happy...

Dejected, I knew I had to get out of there, so I quietly left. Well, I grabbed a pair of panties from her drawer, then quietly left...

 I REALLY want to find those photos...



I am Laslo.

So I discreetly took a photo of her with my iPhone of her perky nipples in the pink sports bra...

The Guy Who Searches the Internet for Nude Pictures of an Old Girlfriend...

I wonder if my ex-girlfriend know that those photos are on the internet. She has to know: if I have heard the rumors, she must certainly know...

A week ago I was in the car in the parking lot, waiting for her to come out of the grocery store. When she came out she was in her tight black gym pants and her pink sports bra, and her nipples were poking through. So I discreetly took a photo of her with my iPhone of her perky nipples in the pink sports bra...

I admit: I did consider posting it to the internet, but I don't want to be THAT guy -- it's kinda creepy, I think. Sure, I look for her nude photo on the internet, but I wasn't the one who took them and I wasn't the one who posted them, so I am not the creep here...

It had dawned on me that she might have copies of the photos herself, on her computer. And I DO still have the key to her apartment...

I didn't keep the key to be a creep, I just forgot to give it back, that's all. Well, actually that is a lie. I kept the key figuring we were going to get back together so I might as well keep it. Then, after some time passed, I thought it would be creepy to return the key to her, because that would mean I was holding on to it the entire time...

But it has crossed my mind that I could sneak into her apartment while she was at work and check what files she had on her computer: I still have her password, if she hasn't changed it, but I don't think she would change it because it was the name of her beloved childhood pet and she wouldn't let that go...

I do think. it would be wrong to go into her apartment when she wasn't there and look at her things. But that WOULD be a quick way to get those pictures, if she had them. And if I DID go, I would bring a thumbdrive with at least 2 Gigs of memory, because maybe there is video, too...

 I REALLY want to find those photos...



I am Laslo.

But she didn't think it was funny or cute: she was upset, upset at me seeing her asshole.

The Guy Who Searches the Internet for Nude Pictures of an Old Girlfriend...

I can't help but wonder how the nude photos of my ex-girlfriend are. Is it a few quick snaps of her in the shower, and she's smiling about how cute her life is? Is she nude in high heels and smoky eye-make-up, leaning against a doorframe? Is she lying on the bed with her legs parted? Once I start thinking these things I can't stop, and I think these things a lot...

When we were together she was shy about her body because she was fat. I remember going down on her once, and she kept her breasts covered with the bed sheet. Afterward, I made a light-hearted joke about how I saw her asshole, because I did: while I was down there I saw her asshole...

But she didn't think it was funny or cute: she was upset, upset at me seeing her asshole. I thought that when you were together these things were no big deal, but evidently it was A Thing. I know she was self-conscious about her body and being fat, but it's not like her asshole was fat, you know...?

So now I can't help but wonder what these photos show. Now that she is all tight and hot, is she no longer shy? Was she excited about showing off her new body? I bet she was excited about showing off her new body. And there are photos out there, if I can only find them...

I also wonder if she shows her asshole. I REALLY want to find those photos...



I am Laslo.

When she was with me she was fat. I loved her anyway, but then she leaves me and now she looks like that.

The Guy Who Searches the Internet for Nude Pictures of an Old Girlfriend...

Sometimes this quest to find my ex-girlfriends nude photos on the internet may just drive me mad. Maybe I should let it go, but sometimes I feel it is so close, like it could be the next photo I see, or the one after that...

She has gotten REALLY hot since she left me. Sometimes I park across the street from the gym she goes to now, and I see her walk in with her water bottle, wearing her tight exercise pants and pink sports bra. When she was with me she was fat. I loved her anyway, but then she leaves me and now she looks like that. Why did I get the fat her and not the hot her...?

Sometimes I think maybe I should just call the ex-boyfriend who took the photos, maybe he would tell me where he uploaded them. Like maybe there is some camaraderie amongst ex-boyfriends of the same girl. But that whole scenario seems touchy, and word would probably get out that I'm looking for those photos and then people would think I'm some kind of creep that just can't let it go...

So I keep searching the internet. Because she could be the next photo I see, or the one after that. I just have to have patience...

I REALLY want to find those photos...



I am Laslo.

Now, I'd seen her nude countless times when we were together, but after she left me she lost a lot of weight, hit the gym, got herself looking fantastic.

The Guy Who Searches the Internet for Nude Pictures of an Old Girlfriend...

We broke up years ago: I know, I know -- I need to let this go. And I've tried, but then I began to hear the rumors. I didn't want them to be true, but I kinda wanted them to be true too, you know...?

The rumors were that the boyfriend she had after me took nude pictures of her. Now, I'd seen her nude countless times when we were together, but after she left me she lost a lot of weight, hit the gym, got herself looking fantastic. I know she looks fantastic because sometimes I hang out in parking lots of places I know she goes, just to get a look at her...

According to the rumors, after they broke up the dude loaded the pictures up on the internet. And, well: I just have to find them. And it turns out that it is a LOT more difficult than expected. There are a LOT of nude girlfriends on the internet...

Now, good photos have been known to spread across different sites, so I figured it wasn't quite a needle in a haystack. Or maybe the haystack was smaller than I thought: something like that. But -- like I said -- there are a LOT of nude girlfriends on the internet...

It seems ex-boyfriends posting nude photos of their ex-girlfriends is A Thing. Me, I never realized just how many women took such photos. Some are cutesy, like a bikini top quickly pulled down a bit for a flash; in others there is a cock in their mouths and they are staring at the camera...

So I started looking. I figured I'd go through Tumblr, then check out other sites. Except I'm still working through Tumblr: there are a LOT of naked chicks on Tumblr. I have seen a lot of girls who kinda look like her, but not quite. I heard she had got a tattoo -- some phrase in Latin or French or something -- tattooed on her side beside her breast. But a lot of girls have tattoos like that now: again, I didn't realize it was A Thing...

So I keep looking, but as I look I see the eyes on some of these girls: they are happy, and they are taking the photos because they are happy with their boyfriend, and life is good and it is all in fun. Until they break up and their nude photos are on Tumblr. It kinda makes me sad. But I REALLY want to find those photos...



I am Laslo.


Their zipper would probably be more like a Möbius Strip, where you just keep zipping and zipping, endlessly.

The Commenter Who Ignores the Post Topic says...

Thinking about it, Spacemen 3 used a lot of tremelo on their guitars, and tremelo kinda sounds like a long zipper being pulled up slowly. Although, in this context, I'm not sure if the zipper is being pulled up or being pulled down. Because neither of those sound like something they would be doing, metaphorically.

Their zipper would probably be more like a Möbius Strip, where you just keep zipping and zipping, endlessly. Which is kinda a drug metaphor, except then the zipper DOES draw to a halt. So I guess if you keep pulling at an unending zipper you eventually pass out.



I am Laslo.

...and they didn't seem angry about much, except for maybe not being able to afford drugs.

The Commenter Who Ignores the Post Topic says...

In the Punk Era the punks often wore safety pins to hold their ragged clothing together. So safety pins were like the punk version of a zipper, possibly.

Spacemen 3 weren't a punk band, they came after that era. And while their songs had simple structures, like most punk songs, they were even simpler, and they didn't seem angry about much, except for maybe not being able to afford drugs.

Punk made you jump around and slam into people; Spacemen 3 made you loosely sway, or nod off, depending on the drugs you had access to.

They didn't follow punk fashion, either. On the cover of one of their best albums, 'The Perfect Prescription', the founder is wearing a V-neck sweater over a collared shirt. And despite being drug hounds they look fairly schoolboy in that picture. They did get shaggier, though: drugs eventually get into the way of hygiene matters.

But I think my punk safety-pin / zipper comment is on point.



I am Laslo.

You know: flaccid in a good way. Relaxed.

The Commenter Who Ignores the Post Topic says...

So read this post, but I'm really just mostly listening to Spacemen 3. As I said in a prior comment: their songs are mostly about death and drugs and Jesus -- not a lot of penis metaphors.

If you were to attempt to describe their music in terms of the penis, then some songs are flaccid, and some songs are throbbing.

The flaccid songs are woozy, like the penis flaccid after sex. You know: flaccid in a good way. Relaxed.

The throbbing songs mostly throb from one chord being played over and over and over. These songs go on longer, usually. As I have stated before, the song 'Rollercoaster' -- a throbbing song -- has versions that are five minutes, seven minutes, twelve minutes, fucking seventeen minutes.

There is a version of "Transparent Radiation" that does have a guitar that sounds like jet contrails look, so that relates to the post.



I am Laslo.



Their songs are mostly about death and drugs and Jesus.

The Commenter Who Ignores the Post Topic says...

So I tried to think about zippers again, but guess what: I'm really just mostly listening to Spacemen 3. Maybe their music can be thought of as a zipper: two guitars, together, that don't get unzipped. And a lot of the songs have long zippers in that context.

Other than that, I can't think of other commonalities between the zipper and Spacemen 3, other than that a lot of their guitars make 'zipppp' sounds on occasion.
One of the guitarists played a Vox Soundstream guitar, which had a lot of built-in effects. Here is a Vox guitar with the same sounds, with samples of the various tones and effects.

Anyway, zippers. Zippers imply a sexuality, and Spacemen though don't make songs about sex. Their songs are mostly about death and drugs and Jesus. Usually if a woman is involved in the lyrics it's because she likes drugs, too.


I am Laslo.

Most of my pants have them, but I don't think I have any shirts with zippers.

The Commenter Who Ignores the Post Topic says...

So I tried to think about zippers for a moment, but then I got distract by the music I was listening to: Spacemen 3. The version playing is one of the few where the drums come through. It's like it makes it a different song, but actually it really doesn't, because I keep getting drawn back to that relentless one chord.

I have heard the original version of 'Rollercoaster' by Roky Erikson and you can hear that it's the same song, but it's too psychedelic in the way I don't like. I like the psychedelia that sounds like Spacemen 3. Maybe it's different drugs by the musicians.

Anyway, old-school psychedelic music: I'm not a fan of its use of the Wah Wah pedal. Too many notes and it just sounds like circus music. The Wah Wah pedal, when used by Spacemen 3, is different: It is not busily competing with drum fills and bass riffs and chord changes, it is just filtered tone against a chord that is chugging away. I like that kind of Wah Wah guitar.

Anyway: zippers. Most of my pants have them, but I don't think I have any shirts with zippers.



I am Laslo.

Anyway: zippers. I hate when they get derailed.

The Commenter Who Ignores the Post Topic says...

I was reading this post -- zippers, right? -- and while I was reading it I was listening to a playlist I made.

I really like the band Spacemen 3: droning hypnotic minimal rock with glorious feedback and woozy soul, often over a single chord. They also had one of the best album titles around: Taking Drugs To Make Music To Take Drugs To. 

They do a cover version of the song "Rollercoaster" that is sublime. Then there are multiple versions of it live: five minutes, seven minutes, twelve minutes, fucking seventeen minutes. Pretty much one chord chugging away. Sublime.

So I put all of their versions of Rollercoaster that I could find in one playlist. That one chord for five minutes, seven minutes, twelve minutes, fucking seventeen minutes.

Several of the best versions have a mix style that is upside-down, and it makes it magic. The drums are barely heard, except for a muffled cymbal or a kick drum once in a while. There is a bass player in there somewhere too, but he is pretty lost in the sound, too. And the rhythm guitar, chugging that chord, is louder than the nominal lead guitar.

I think I will make a playlist of versions of their cover "Transparent Radiation" but I'll probably just talk about that later.

Anyway: zippers. I hate when they get derailed.



I am Laslo.


I bet all the things you say came to you when you were sitting on the toilet!

The Really Angry Commenter says...

Jesus, you people are as stupid as shit and your shit is full of stupid! Little babies shit smarter than you! You're like little babies, playing with their shit, except babies have a reason for being so stupid, you stupid babies!

I bet you write your stupid baby shit and think you have made some kind of point, but it's just pointy shit! Doesn't it hurt you to take a shit with your shit so pointy?

Why do you even bother to write anything? I bet all the things you say came to you when you were sitting on the toilet! Because your ideas belong in the toilet, because they're shit! You people are as stupid as shit and your shit is full of stupid!



I am Laslo.

Is there a big giant steaming pile of shit somewhere that you go to to get your shit?

The Really Angry Commenter says...

Jesus, you people are as stupid as shit and your shit is full of stupid! My dog is smarter than you, and my dog eats cat shit out of the litter box! Even my cat knows to bury his shit, but you just leave your shit out there for everyone to see, you are that stupid!

Where do you even get the shit you say? Is there a big giant steaming pile of shit somewhere that you go to to get your shit? Because you must get a lot of it, considering how much shit you leave here as comments!

You would think you'd be embarrassed, but it is obvious you like the smell of your own shit! You people are as stupid as shit and your shit is full of stupid!


I am Laslo.

Jesus, you people are as stupid as shit and your shit is full of stupid!

The Really Angry Commenter says...

Jesus, you people are as stupid as shit and your shit is full of stupid! Everything you say is so full of shit except monkeys throw shit better than you, you're a monkey that can't even throw shit right!

The facts are obvious and are right in front of your face, except you can't even see it because your face is full of monkey cock! You suck the cock of monkeys with the shit you say!

You act like you're some kind of expert, but the only thing you're expert at is being full of shit! You people are as stupid as shit and your shit is full of stupid! 



I am Laslo.



https://althouse.blogspot.com/2017/11/liberal-websites-absorbprocess-al_24.html

Friday, November 17, 2017

Ted Kennedy's Ghost, the Stand-Up Comic...

Ted Kennedy's Ghost, the Stand-Up Comic...

Good evening everyone -- great crowd, great crowd...

It's tough being a Kennedy, it's tough. Tough, ah, being the brother of John and Bobby. John and Bobby: my brothers. For instance: Johnny, he fucked Marilyn Monroe. He did: he fucked Marilyn. And Bobby: he fucked Marilyn, too. Bobby fucked Marilyn Monroe. Me, ah, I didn't get to fuck Marilyn. No Marilyn for Teddy: tough, I tell you...

I miss them: I miss my brothers. Both of them got shot; I didn't get shot. So they fucked Marilyn, and they got shot. Neither of which, ah, happened to me. Win some, lose some, my father used to say. When he wasn't fucking whores, he said that...

But I've had my share of girls, oh yes. Girls: I've had many. Ah, it reminds me of a joke me and my brothers used to tell; here, I'll, ah, tell it to you...

"How many Kennedys does it take to screw in a lightbulb?"

"Ah, it depends on how many girls are in the lightbulb."

Yeah, we'd laugh over that one...

But I was a big supporter of Feminism in the day, I'm, ah, proud of that. Society needs to be equal, and something had to be done for the girls who weren't that pretty...

My dry cleaner, he'd say to me: "Mr. Kennedy, I've been doing your laundry for years. And you have so many shirts and ties, but not many pants." And I'd tell him "I don't, ah, have as much need for pants." Because I often walked around without wearing, ah, pants... 

Tough to be a politician, today. It seems like everybody is, ah, upset about sex. In my day, the women were discreet. For instance, Mary Jo Kopechne, she, ah, never said a word...

Yeah: poor Mary Jo. Ah, today, she'd probably be tweeting from her phone inside the car, under the water. Hashtag I'm Drowning, Hashtag Drunk Teddie Can't Drive, Hashtag This Water Is Cold: things like, ah, that, I suspect. When all she would need to do was Google "How to get out of an underwater car..."

Maybe this sounds like I don't take the whole, ah, the whole thing seriously. I do take it seriously, seriously indeed. Oh, I prayed after Mary Jo, I prayed. I prayed that, after that day, all the bridges I would have to drive over, ah, had guardrails...

But it seems tough to be a man in politics today. Women are touchy about being touched. Ha, that's funny: touchy, touched. That's the fabled Kennedy Wit, right there. In my day, if a woman didn't want you to touch her, she would just leave. Then the Secret Service guys, they'd bring her right back -- it was fun back then...

You've been great, thank you...



I am Laslo.


Thursday, November 16, 2017

Aspergers.

I had sex with this chick once, and I sperged all over her face.

"Sperg" is a euphemism for ejaculation, right?

Because if it is then I definitely have Spergers.



I am Laslo.




""Sperg" is a euphemism for ejaculation, right?"

I was once fucking this chick from behind, and I pulled out and sperged all over her ass.

That's right: Ass Spergers.



I am Laslo.



Don't ask me how you make 'sperghetti'.

White sauce joke, that.



I am Laslo.



In Germany they ask "Spergen Sie Deutsch?"

You hear it in a lot of German Porn.



I am Laslo.

I tell you this knowing it will not change you: you think it is me that has the problem.

The Amateur Anesthesiologist...

As you know, I am a sociopath: everything all of you do disgusts me. The way that you are weak disgusts me. The way you let emotions rule you disgusts me. The way you eat your food, the way you say "Hello" to me, a total stranger, as you pass by: I am disgusted by you...

Sometimes I imagine walking down the street with a machete, cutting off people's heads. And then their headless bodies keep walking, like nothing happened. All of the decapitated heads in the street and on the sidewalk and in the gutters have their eyes open: they are seeing things for the last time as they finally realize they never even mattered, that their existence was only a random genetic mistake: the world will go on...

I tell you this knowing it will not change you: you think it is me that has the problem. This does not disgust me: this enables me to move freely...



I am Laslo.