Bill Clinton, the Stand-Up Comedian...
Great night, people, great night, thank you for coming! A lot of news about me in the papers lately. See, right there: I'm from a different era, right? I remember when you read the news in papers, not on your phone. The world has changed from my day, I sure see it...
You know, I'm getting a rep as a kinda bad boy lately, am I right? Bad boy, bad boy. I can't help it, I'm from an earlier time, things were different between men and women...
Back then, when women said 'No', we actually thought they still kinda might mean 'yes', okay? I know, I know: times have changed. But in my defense, it WAS Arkansas, you know what I mean...?
I know better now, I know better. I'll tell you a little something. When I was young I idolized John Kennedy, idolized him, right? And JFK, he liked the ladies. And he liked cigars. So I liked the ladies and cigars, right? Except I kinda screwed that one up, didn't I? You keep the ladies and the cigars separate, I know that now. Again: I was from Arkansas -- sophistication there meant putting premium gas in your truck, okay..?
Now, of course, I've realized I caused a lot of pain, I feel it. I'm really sorry for what I've done. And I'm sorry for what I've done that hasn't come out yet, okay? Real sorry. From my heart. Growing up in Arkansas without a father figure, I didn't know the proper way to be with women. And I made mistakes: I know that. I understand now that we all can't live our lives like we're Teddy Kennedy, you know what I mean...?
And it might sound like I'm making fun of Arkansas tonight, but the truth is I love Arkansas. Deep down, I'm an Arkansas boy. Still am, still am. Back home, they say you can take the boy out of Arkansas, but you can't take Arkansas out of the boy. But it turns out you kinda can: it's called DNA testing...
You've been great, thank you, thank you from my heart...
I am Laslo.
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