The Female Stand-Up Comedian in Tacoma...
"Good evening, everyone! As you may have noticed, I'm a female comic, so I think I'll start this off with talking about tampons. Because that's what we women do: we talk about bleeding from our vaginas, and we talk about the products we use when we ARE bleeding from our vaginas...
Yeah, yeah: I see the men here are already starting to squirm. You go to a supermarket, it's amazing: men avoid the 'feminine hygiene' aisle like it's a fucking Indian Graveyard. If you were to put the beer there they'd never ever find it...
You know: I have a funny story about having a guy try to eat my pussy when I was on my period. So, the story is: this guy tried to eat my pussy when I was on my period. Yeah, my bad: he didn't KNOW I was on my period. In my defense we had just met, I figured that menstruation was too intimate to discuss...
So he peeks up his head and says "Uh... you didn't tell me you were on your period," and I say: "Yeah, and the last guy I slept with didn't warn me he was going to stick his dick up my ass..."
Of course, he gets upset: he points out that it wasn't HIM who surprised me in the butt. And he's right: it wasn't him. So I explained to him: It Doesn't Matter. All you men are the same...
And now he's angry -- go figure. He's telling me how all men are NOT the same. And -- again -- he's right: I can admit when I'm wrong, really. So I explain that there ARE men who are different, and that Society usually refers to them as Gay...
Uh oh: I can see I'm losing the men in the audience here. A lot of arms crossed, I see. So I'll tell a story they might like better. It's about the time I shared a bed with a lesbian. And a HOT lesbian, with a nipple ring. Okay, I see the men are starting to listen to me now...
Now, I'm not a lesbian, but I WAS a little drunk. And she WAS hot. So we ended up at her place, and I was thinking, maybe this could be a really good experience for me. Life in the Big City, right? So we strip off our clothes and get under the sheets. And she starts to eat my pussy. But -- dammit -- I'm on my period again. So she peeks up her head and says "Uh... you didn't tell me you were on your period..."
And I say: "I'm sorry, I didn't know. Is this something lesbians talk about? Because I'm not really a lesbian, and I'm not sure of the etiquette." She begins to reply, but then she just topples over, black-out drunk. And you want to know how I know I'm not a guy? Because a hot woman passed black-out drunk in bed and I STILL didn't have sex with her...
Thank you, thank you: you've been great...
I am Laslo.
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