The Stand-Up Comedian in Tacoma...
"Okay people, I've been telling you about shitty things I've done, to see if you're still going to hang in there with me. And -- I know -- a lot of them have had to do with sex. Maybe I'm more fucked up about sex than other people: I don't know, that's why I've been asking you...
But now I'm going to tell you something that I think is going to break my bond with a lot of you. Oh yeah, some of you are going to be PISSED, I expect. I mean, you've rolled with me about listening to a girl pee and fucking a fat chick, but THIS ONE...
Well, here goes: I voted for Trump.
Oh yeah: I hear the moans -- you aren't very happy with me right now. Maybe you'll never be happy with me again, I can see that happening. Because a lot of you HATE Trump. You believe he is evil, maybe even Hitler, and I voted for the fucker: yeah, I did...
I don't love the guy, but there was a choice, and I made it: I hit the brakes. And I really don't believe that people are going to be rounded up in cattle-cars. If I turn out to be wrong about that, then my bad, okay...?
And I'm not trying to get you to like Trump, or like my decision. People are strong in their views, I get it. And -- yeah -- I'll still stick it to Trump -- that's my job, right? My job is to tell jokes about whoever is President. But this is MY picture of America: I believe you can vote for whomever you want, and then you talk shit about him...
We've become a nation of two football teams, and we HATE the other team, hate them. We fucking celebrate when a guy on the other team gets an injury. We hope the opposing quarterback gets caught with young boys in his hotel room, because then we can hate AND be satisfied...
Here's the thing: I just want to look at the cheerleaders, okay? I want to look at their tight bodies in short skirts and dream about spanking one on the ass. I want her to call me 'Daddy', okay? "Daddy, I'm not wearing panties," that's what I want to hear...
You guys can watch the game, I'm going to try to sneak into the cheerleaders' locker room and be ready to smear lotion on their thighs. If their thighs need lotion: I bet their thighs need lotion. Whatever they need, I bet I can help...
Thank you, you've been great...
I am Laslo.
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