Sisero Wong, Strip-Club Bouncer.
Yeah, I'm half-Chinese. What the fuck does that matter?
I'm thinking of writing a book about my experiences being a strip club bouncer.
A lot of funny shit happens at the strip club. Fat guy shits his pants during a lap dance, stripper accidentally pees a little on stage: that kind of thing, for starters. Get the reader hooked.
And there's always the vomit; I could tell a dozen stories about vomit. Two of those stories would involve Miss Stacey and Thai food from across the street, but I think I'll save that for the book.
Okay, just a hint: Miss Stacey was backstage and found half a roach in her take-out Thai food, and realized she must have eaten the other half. Like I said: vomit. She thought she was done vomiting before going on stage, but it turns out she wasn't. Good times.
Miss Stacey also had Irritable Bowel Syndrome, not so good for lap dancing, if you connect my dots. Poor girl: seems like something was always coming out of her, one end or the other.
Being half-Chinese, I can expound upon the difference between whites and blacks at the strip club. The blacks aren't afraid to talk dirty to the girls, for one: they'll call out a girl for having a stinky ol' ass.
White guys, they all talk sickly-sweet to the girls, like they could maybe be their Knight in Shining Armor or something; later on when they've blown a hundred-forty bucks and the stripper is gone they'll just mumble the dirty shit.
And whenever one of the girls is feeling that stalker vibe, it always turns out to be a middle-aged sweaty white guy. I mean, who else but sweaty middle-aged white guys would try to collect autographs from strippers?
And then there is the actual bouncing: shit can get violent when naked women are involved. I even had to toss a guy in a wheelchair once; after I helped him back into his wheelchair the fucker maced me. Handicapped people can be real assholes.
Anyway, I think it'll make a great book; maybe they'll even turn it into a movie.
As long as I'm not played by fucking Jackie Chan,
I am Laslo.