"Huma, it's all going to shit. Shit Shit Shit."
"Hillary, be strong. You've beaten much tougher situations. Remember Bosnia?"
"Remember how you evaded sniper fire?"
"I remember. Bullets were everywhere..."
"And you evaded them, like a commando."
"A commando, yes: I evaded the bullets like a commando."
"And remember Libya?"
"I was lucky to get out alive. The battle was fierce. I can still feel the heat of the gun in my hands."
"And remember Vietnam?"
"I was knee-deep in the shit. Charlie was everywhere, but I just kept shooting and shooting. The Cong: they were like spiders. Spiders everywhere."
"And they captured you, but you wouldn't talk?"
"Name, rank and serial number. That's all they got."
"Even though they beat you."
"They were merciless. They hung me by my wrists and beat the bottoms of my feet with bamboo. I still have the limp."
And remember your captor's words?"
"Like it was yesterday. "I am humbled by your quiet strength," he said.
"And then you led the POWs to Freedom?"
"Three weeks getting out of that Jungle. I can still hear the birds, screeching. The smell of Napalm. I remember it all."
"THAT'S my Hillary! Strong, capable!"
"Yes: strong, capable."
"Now let's wash that diarrhea out of your hair and put your pants back on, then go out and get them."
"But Huma, the Vodka: it is calling me."
"Resist, Hillary: you didn't let the Gooks beat you, you can surely stand up to this."
"Yes, stand up. Yes."
"Am I shitting myself?"
"Just a little, Hillary. Don't worry: the maids will clean it up..."
I am Laslo.