"Oh man. Good weed. We played video games and drank some Forties, then it was morning. Shit."

From 'The Community of Color Gazette':

"White Man Leaves Motorcycle Unguarded Overnight On A Community of Color Street"

Trevor Smith, a White Man visiting in our Community of Color, left his motorcycle unguarded overnight. Mr. Smith was proud and relieved that his motorcycle was not harmed in the evening hours.

"I realize it is a questionable neighborhood," Mr Smith said. "But I was visiting a friend and had to leave my bike somewhere."

When asked if he has parked his motorcycle in the Neighborhood before, Mr. Smith gave a forthright answer.

"It's not like I'm buying crack, you know? Sure, I've been around these blocks, but that's because the guys I buy grass from keep moving houses."

So how did Mr. Smith happen to leave his motorcycle overnight?

"Oh man. Good weed. We played video games and drank some Forties, then it was morning. Shit."

The question was then posed to Mr. Smith if he would leave his motorcycle overnight again in the Neighborhood.

"Yeah, maybe. There were some black dudes hanging around it in the morning, but they didn't mean nothing, I gave them some cigarettes and everything was good."

Mr. Smith, a White Man who spent the evening in our Community of Color, said it was "good."

So there it is: a Story of Change in our Community of Color. For more stories like this please read 'The Community of Color Gazette'.

I am Laslo.

https://althouse.blogspot.com/2016/08/at-motor-trike-cafe.html

"There were cupcakes: I know, I had two. I drank some grape soda, too."

From 'The Community of Color Gazette':

"Local Woman of Color Throws Fundraiser at Home"

Latisha Wells, a Black Woman in our Community of Color, threw a fundraiser at her home Wednesday evening.

"Yes, yes I did," Ms. Wells said when asked about throwing the fundraiser. "I had cookies and cupcakes and orange and grape sodas."

How did Ms. Wells get word out for her fundraiser?

"Mostly at the laundromat, I guess. But pretty much everybody I knew, I told them. I told them there'd be free soda and baked goods."

Randall Moore, a neighbor of Ms. Wells, attended the fundraiser and confirmed Ms. Well's story.

"There were cupcakes: I know, I had two. I drank some grape soda, too."

Did Mr. Moore contribute to Ms. Wells' fundraiser?

"Well, I been kind of tight on money, but I managed to give what I could."

When asked how much that amount was, Mr. Moore turned serious.

"None of your f**king business," he replied.

Ms. Wells says that, although she did not raise as much as she hoped for, every bit counts.

"I didn't raise as much as I hoped for, but money's money. It was eighteen dollars I didn't have before, right?"

When asked where the funds were to go, Ms. Wells paused for a moment.

"To my electric bill, I guess. I can't afford to have them turn off my power again."

So there it is: a Story of Change in our Community of Color. For more stories like this please read 'The Community of Color Gazette'.

I am Laslo.

https://althouse.blogspot.com/2016/08/hillary-clinton-danced-with-paul.html

I feel for them, and know I'll be arresting them in twenty years...

Giggles McGigglecuddy, Police Clown:

To begin: I don't like being a Clown, but I do it for The Law...

Sometimes I am a Decoy Clown, sometimes I am an Undercover Clown: it is a Dirty City: Dirty with Clowns and Clown Sex and Clown Shame...

The Hardest is being an Undercover Flame-Haired Hooker Clown: all these baleful men who want to fuck me for forty dollars, then -- when the handcuffs are on -- they are in tears down their untucked shirt. A Flame-Haired Clown fucked them at a Birthday Party, a Flame-Haired Clown fucked them at a Bar Mitzvah: the Clown Shame runs deep. How they stare at my shoes, my oversized Red Clown Shoes....

It is Toughest, however, with The Children: when they are sobbing and snotting and have to point at me Where The Clown Touched Them: I feel for them, and know I'll be arresting them in twenty years...

Sometimes I feel like Clown Disease is seeping into my Soul: I can beat down a dozen crack-addicted hookers, yet I never feel clean...

I am Laslo.


ADDED:



Giggles McGigglecuddy, Police Clown:

You know how you know when you have apprehended a Bad Clown?

The little boy's underwear in his pocket.

Usually.


I am Laslo.



Giggles McGigglecuddy, Police Clown:

You know how you know when you have apprehended a Bad Clown?

He says the Target bathroom was open to all genders.

Yikes.


I am Laslo.



Giggles McGigglecuddy, Police Clown:

You know how you know when you have apprehended a Bad Clown?

His Clown Make-Up matches the imprint left on the little girl's thighs.

After a Clown Encounter the Smart Parent does not wash the Child before the Police arrive,

I am Laslo.

https://althouse.blogspot.com/2016/08/they-say-clowns-live-deep-in-woods-near.html

"Local Woman of Color, Known for her Fingernails, Clips Them"

From 'The Community of Color Gazette':

"Local Woman of Color, Known for her Fingernails, Clips Them"

Jolanda Harris, a Black Woman in our Community of Color, was well known around the neighborhood for the length of her fingernails.

"I grew them to almost three inches," Ms. Harris says, with evident pride. "I'd paint them orange and black for Halloween, Red and Green for Christmas, things like that."

So what caused Ms. Harris to trim these nails that gave her such satisfaction?

"I just couldn't text no more. My nails just kept getting in the way."

Ms. Harris considers texting an important part of her life.

"It's how I keep up with friends and family. It's how I find out at the grocery store if we need more toilet paper. Having enough toilet paper is important. I ain't just going to use a tiny square, you feel me?"

Does Ms. Harris miss her long nails?

"Sometimes I do, sometimes I don't.  I'm more about my hair weaves now, anyway."

Another story of Change, from 'The Community of Color Gazette'.

I am Laslo.

https://althouse.blogspot.com/2016/08/the-professors-recommend-that-white.html

"Local Man of Color Buys Malt Liquor With Exact Change"

From 'The Community of Color Gazette':

"Local Man of Color Buys Malt Liquor With Exact Change"

Roland Jasper, a Black Man, visited his local Seven-Eleven Convenience Store Monday morning and purchased a can of malt liquor using exact change, all in coins.

"It's not like I buy everything that way," Mr. Jasper said when interviewed about the purchase. "I don't have a problem with paper money."

Mohamed Eza, the clerk at the Seven-Eleven, confirmed Mr. Jasper's story.

"Roland, he's used paper money here before. He's a regular customer. It's just that yesterday he used exact change."

"I just had a lot of coins in my pocket, that's all" Mr. Jasper said when asked to elaborate on his purchasing method. "It just seemed silly to use a couple of Ones and get still more change back. So I took the change out of my pocket, counted it, and saw that I had enough to buy my malt liquor. So that's what I did."

When asked if he would make such a purchase again, Mr Jasper replied: "I guess I would. It seems like I'm always getting change when I use paper money. That change adds up."

When asked what he was going to do with his malt liquor Mr. Jasper grew serious.

"None of your f**king business," he answered.

So there it is: a Story of Change in our Community of Color. For more stories like this please read 'The Community of Color Gazette'.

I am Laslo.

https://althouse.blogspot.com/2016/08/the-professors-recommend-that-white.html

The Police didn't even arrest me: sometimes your pants just fall down.

Socially Awkward Guy Who Makes No Eye Contact says:

I want to be liked. I want to be one of those people that people like to like: it looks like fun, like a beer commercial where everybody hangs out with everybody and the chicks are all hot.

Instead people veer away from me, without even knowing me. Is it written on my face: I wet the bed until I was fourteen? And then a few times when I was fifteen?

Do they somehow know about that time at the bus stop? It was an accident. The Police didn't even arrest me: sometimes your pants just fall down. My pants just fell down. Big Deal.

Sure, I like to look at young girls on Instagram and masturbate, but it is not like I go ahead and tell people that. In public I try REALLY hard not to stare at young girls: I try REALLY hard.

It's just that adult woman scare me. Like they are going to cry 'Rape' if I even look at them. Did I mention that I can't keep an erection if a woman speaks?

Can women just instinctively tell that I have a compulsion to want to pee on them? But I can control it just fine, I would never pee on a woman unless she asked. There was that one time where the girl was asleep on the beach. That was a close one. But I only peed on her a little; I mostly just peed in the sand beside her before running away. Plus I was nervous and couldn't get a full stream going.

I just want to be liked. I don't even have to be liked for who I am: I'll settle for just being liked, no matter the reason.

Like no one else thinks these things.

I am Laslo.

http://althouse.blogspot.com/2016/08/if-you-dedicate-your-existence-to-being.html

She insists on wearing swim goggles, but -- other than that -- it really is as good as I had hoped it would be

ocially Awkward Guy Who Makes No Eye Contact says:

A few months ago I met a girl on the Internet who lets me pee on her sometimes.

You'd think that, this being the internet, she would be really fat, but she isn't. She's really skinny, in fact: she has the anorexia, like real bad. I hope she doesn't die soon.

Anyway, I drink a Big Gulp from the Seven-Eleven, and when I get to her place she already has the tarp laid out in the kitchen. She doesn't like to talk much, so I pretty much start peeing on her once I get there. I'm not one for much small talk, either, so that works.

She insists on wearing swim goggles, but -- other than that -- it really is as good as I had hoped it would be. Well, I also wish she didn't have to wrap her forearms in saran wrap to avoid getting pee into her fresh cut marks. Other than that.

I once brought up the subject of bukkake but she said what we had together wasn't sexual, sorry. It's OK: what we have is enough. Whatever it is.

Like I said, I hope she doesn't die soon. She is REALLY skinny.

Like no one else thinks these things.

I am Laslo

https://althouse.blogspot.com/2016/08/babies-made-from-flour-sacks-or.html

I think this is why I don't flush the toilet at public restrooms.

Socially Awkward Guy Who Makes No Eye Contact says:

Maybe my mother should have had a robot baby instead.

She would go out drinking all night, and leave me locked in my bedroom.

I asked her what happens if I needed to pee, I can't get out to go to the bathroom. She told me to just go ahead and wet the bed, since I did that so much anyway. My mattress had urine stains that looked like an angel with big wings, but that is another story; regardless, there is no such thing as a Urine Angel, or at least it never came to save me.

Then I asked her what I should do if I needed to poop, so she locked me inside my bedroom with an orange plastic bucket.

So at night I would carefully poop and then I would try to sleep, knowing there was an open bucket of poop in the room, all night, just... there. I think this is why I don't flush the toilet at public restrooms.

I especially like to leave the toilet unflushed at the unisex bathroom at my local Starbucks: I think they all now know it is me, but it isn't like they liked me before, anyway. So -- lady with the baby in your arms at the restroom door -- finish your Frappucchino and then look at THAT: I made it for you.

Like no one else thinks these things.


I am Laslo.


https://althouse.blogspot.com/2016/08/babies-made-from-flour-sacks-or.html

Uncle Bob, I can picture him being a baby-fucker; maybe that is why he drinks so much. And cries.

Socially Awkward Guy Who Makes No Eye Contact says:

I just want to clarify something. If I were to fuck a robot baby it would be a girl baby robot: I am not gay. I am not down with little baby penises, even on robots.

Maybe I was fucked when I was a baby. I don't know: like I'd even be able to remember.

I have some strange Uncles, though: I could see it having happened. Uncle Bob, I can picture him being a baby-fucker; maybe that is why he drinks so much. And cries.

Maybe that was why I wet the bed so often, because I'd been fucked when I was a baby. So it wasn't my fault, then. I shouldn't have been spanked just because I wet the bed, because I was fucked as a baby. That wasn't fair.

Maybe my wetting the bed so much led to me wanting to pee on women. I can see there being a connection. Take THAT, Mom: take THAT.

Like no one else thinks these things.

I am Laslo.

https://althouse.blogspot.com/2016/08/babies-made-from-flour-sacks-or.html

She would have to be programmed not to talk, though: I can't keep an erection when women talk.

Socially Awkward Guy Who Makes No Eye Contact says:

If I was going to fuck a robot baby I'd probably want it to be a white baby robot. Not that I have anything against colored people, or colored robot people, or whatever.

It just seems like it would be racist for a white guy to fuck a black robot baby. Maybe that's just me, I don't know.

I wonder if that kind of thing happened when they had slaves in the South. I mean, what are the odds that no one fucked a slave baby, just once? I bet all kinds of strange sex shit happened. And not just with babies, with black people in general. because they were slaves at the time.

Don't get me wrong: I'd fuck an adult woman robot if I had the chance. She would have to be programmed not to talk, though: I can't keep an erection when women talk.

I wouldn't fuck a fat woman robot, though. Even though real women won't fuck me I still have standards.

Like no one else thinks these things.

I am Laslo.

https://althouse.blogspot.com/2016/08/babies-made-from-flour-sacks-or.html

"You rented me a pre-fucked robot baby, and I'm here to complain."

Socially Awkward Guy Who Makes No Eye Contact says:

I never, never, would want to fuck a baby. I know that is wrong. But fucking a robot baby: who does that hurt?

I mean, I'm not sure I'd even want to fuck a robot baby, I'm just thinking out loud here in the corner.

I wonder how you would hold the robot baby. Maybe just lay it on the futon and hold its head, I'm thinking.

Maybe I could just rent one.

But then when I return it the Guy at the Counter would probably look at me funny and say "Sir! This baby has been fucked!"

Maybe I'd say "It was that way when I got it."

Maybe that would work.

"Sir, that is not true."

"Yes, yes it is. You rented me a pre-fucked robot baby, and I'm here to complain."

I bet he would just want me to leave.

Everyone wants me to leave.

No one likes me.

Like no one else thinks these things.


I am Laslo.


https://althouse.blogspot.com/2016/08/babies-made-from-flour-sacks-or.html

The best part is most of you Whites think that YOU'RE The White People Who Matter: oh Fuck, I LOVE THAT.

Lamar Gonna Set You Straight....

I thought I already set you straight, bitches: Feel Me.

White People trying to pretend they're not Racist: soon that Shit won't matter no more: you're all gonna be down here with US no matter what you think -- US Black People, you remember me now all-of-a-sudden? -- and we sure as Hell are not gonna let you ride in the FRONT of the bus...

It is all over for you, White People: the White People Who Matter are casting you down: welcome, bitches, to Nigger Town...

The best part is most of you Whites think that YOU'RE The White People Who Matter: oh Fuck, I LOVE THAT. I can't wait to see those tears when the White Government Managers and Lawyers and Professors and Assistants all realize that the cushy rug is being pulled out from under them, too: Room is needing to be MADE for others, understand...?

The Government don't care if you agree with it or not: you are just Mice to the Cat, and the Cat will do what it wants in its own Sweet Time...

White People: you are pussies, but you ain't THE Pussy. Feel THAT...

You think you got Problems? Fuck You.

I am Laslo.

https://althouse.blogspot.com/2016/08/over-300-comments-on-that-alt-right-post.html