Sunday, August 21, 2016

"Are you SURE you're not Gay? I mean, did you ever try?"

"So Mom, you're saying you DON'T want grandchildren?"

"Yes, dear. There are already too many people, all ruining the Earth."

"But you had us..."

"That was before I knew about Global Warming, silly. If I had known about Global Warming while I was pregnant I would've aborted you. For the Earth."

"So you'd would be happier if I was never here?"

"Don't take it personally, dear. It's just that I look at you and am ashamed for what I have done to the world."

"I don't know what to say..."

"One of the saddest days of my life was when I found out you weren't Gay."

"Excuse me?"

"If you were Gay you wouldn't reproduce. That would've taken some of my pain away..."


"Are you SURE you're not Gay? I mean, did you ever try?"

"I have Hope for the Future. And if I were to have children I would have Hope for their Future, not Fear."

"Oh, dear, you have always been so naive. Your Generation is killing the World with your careless Heterosexual lifestyles. Maybe I should've been Gay: that would've been better, knowing what I know now."


"I bet I could've learned to like licking pussy. Maybe even scissoring. Of course now after my hip and knee replacements I think my ability to scissor is gone."

"I don't think I want to be having this conversation..."

"Did I tell you I knew a lesbian when I was in college. Adorable girl. Pretty legs. Who knows what could've happened."

"Mother, I'm worried dementia might be setting in."

"God, I hope so. I can't wait until I forget forever what I have done to the World by having children. I won't even recognize you or your siblings. I will finally sleep with a clean conscience."

"I think I'm going to leave now..."

"In that gas-guzzling car of yours?"

"Mother, it's a compact."

"Sure, dear: whatever makes you feel better."

"Goodbye, Mother..."

"Goodbye, dear. Dear?"

"Yes, Mom?'

"You'll drive by next week with my medications? I don't think I'd live a week without them..."

I am Laslo.

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