Sunday, August 28, 2016

I think this is why I don't flush the toilet at public restrooms.

Socially Awkward Guy Who Makes No Eye Contact says:

Maybe my mother should have had a robot baby instead.

She would go out drinking all night, and leave me locked in my bedroom.

I asked her what happens if I needed to pee, I can't get out to go to the bathroom. She told me to just go ahead and wet the bed, since I did that so much anyway. My mattress had urine stains that looked like an angel with big wings, but that is another story; regardless, there is no such thing as a Urine Angel, or at least it never came to save me.

Then I asked her what I should do if I needed to poop, so she locked me inside my bedroom with an orange plastic bucket.

So at night I would carefully poop and then I would try to sleep, knowing there was an open bucket of poop in the room, all night, just... there. I think this is why I don't flush the toilet at public restrooms.

I especially like to leave the toilet unflushed at the unisex bathroom at my local Starbucks: I think they all now know it is me, but it isn't like they liked me before, anyway. So -- lady with the baby in your arms at the restroom door -- finish your Frappucchino and then look at THAT: I made it for you.

Like no one else thinks these things.

I am Laslo.

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