"Surely there is more to Life than pancakes and sucking cocks."

"The Cocksucking Cocksuckers of Cocksucker Valley."

"Pa?"

"Yes, Son?"

"Surely there is more to Life than pancakes and sucking cocks."

"Of course there is, son. There are sunrises and sunsets, and the Mystery of Time one feels when watching the water flow by on Cocksucker River."

"I was thinking, like, maybe I could go to college?"

"College? You fancy yourself some book-learning, Son?"

"Well, Uncle Harry went to college..."

"Yes: yes, son, he did, and he turned his back on us Cocksuckers."

"Turned his back, Pa?"

"Yes, Son. When he went to college he thought his name was too ethnic, so he changed it."

"'Cocksucker' is ethnic?"

"That's what the high-falutin' college people said, so he shortened his name. Your Uncle Harry is no longer Harry Cocksucker, he is Harry Cock."

"I didn't know you could do that."

"Yes you can Son. But, really: would you rather be Harry Cocksucker or Harry Cock?"

"Ummmm.... 'Cocksucker' I guess, Pa.

"THAT'S a Good Boy, Son."

"I guess I have everything I need here in Cocksucker Valley."

"Indeed, Son. Now eat your pancakes: you have a lot of cocks to suck in town today..."

I am Laslo.