Tuesday, May 30, 2017

Laslo Films presents "The Creeper!"

Laslo Films presents "The Creeper!"

"The Creeper!"

A terrifying force is loose in a seemingly tranquil neighborhood.

Shafer and Tucker discuss a Mysterious Object left on Tucker's doorstep.

ManChild ponders an Exchange.

I am Laslo.

Monday, May 29, 2017

I swear, working here makes me see way too many people.

The Girl at Starbucks That Hates You:

It was a warm day today, the kind of blue-and-beautiful that Seattle finally gives you after eight months of rain. So -- of course -- there are women in flip-flops and tank-tops and men in shorts in line, waiting to order iced drinks...

Maybe it's just me, but I have a hard time taking men in shorts seriously. I mean, wear them when you're mowing the lawn, sure, but I really don't want to see your pasty eight-months-of-rain bare legs today, okay? And tight shorts are too tight and baggy shorts are too baggy: is this what you wear to embarrass your kids when you're out with them? I mean, Real Dads wear pants, period...

But it got worse. Some hipster wannabes came in -- you know they're wannabes because real hipsters don't come into Starbucks, thank God -- and they're all wearing rompers. Really. It's bad enough when old men try to look like teenagers, but now young men want to look like toddlers? Do you need a Sippy Cup to drink your iced latte...?

I swear, working here makes me see way too many people. At least in an Office you see the same handful of people all the time -- you get used to who they are. But in customer service you see EVERYONE. Fucking Rompers: did your parents make adulthood look THAT scary to you...?

I look at someone in a Romper and I see someone preemptively denying all possibilities of Sex. Is there an abundance of Teddy Bears still on your bed? Did Toilet-Training go THAT poorly for you...?

The only thing I know is if -- God Forbid -- I'm still in this job a year from now  people are somehow going to look even more like assholes, because it seems like that is how it all now works. If I end up having to serve some twenty-two year old with an overgrown douchebag beard and wearing diapers I'll quit, I swear...

I am Laslo.

Sunday, May 28, 2017

Of course, Madonna tried to blaze this trail, but she never really went Wholesome, she just developed a British Accent.

It's the Modern Pop Star Arc.

First, though, you have to be at least mildly plausible as a Hot Slutty Girl. Sorry, Adele...

Britney Spears tried the Wholesome-to-Slutty Arc, starting with the simply naught Catholic Schoolgirl Thing, with the shirt tied up to show midriff. When she tried to turn slutty though it didn't quite work: she just looked like a White Trash Southern Girl returning to her roots. And then she didn't arc back to Wholesome, she just sorta waited a bit until Vegas called...

Christina Aguilera made the Arc: Young Clean Chick singing about Rubbing Genie Bottles to Dirty Xtina in streaked hair,panties and ass-less chaps. The problem is when she went back to wholesome she also got chubby: this raises the question of whether Wholesome was a Career Move or she just ate herself out of the Hot Slut Category...

Miley Cyrus went from Hannah Montana to twerking Paul McCartney, which seems to be Slutty With Daddy Issues. She also was photographed naked a lot. However, if she uses make-up to cover the tattoos she can still be somewhat convincing of Wholesome, or at least at leaving behind Culture Appropriation. Because there is no room for Wholesome in Hip-Hop...

Of course, Madonna tried to blaze this trail, but she never really went Wholesome, she just developed a British Accent. Then she kept that accent when she went back to being a Sinewy Dominatrix: this is not Slutty, it's just Embarrassingly Freaky...

Ariana Grande is in a tough position: she is at the point of her career where she should turn Slutty, but after the Manchester Murders it might seem in Poor Taste. Or more Poor Taste than is intentional, regarding the Slutty Transition. She has to tread carefully: however, the Massacre gave her some Good Will: Madonna probably would have killed for the Notoriety of a Muslim bombing one of HER concerts...

Just some thoughts, as we wait for the next fifteen-year-old girl to Hop On The Ride...

I am Laslo.


Tuesday, May 23, 2017

Family Secrets!

A New Laslo Films Production:

Family Secrets!

Tucker reminisces with his Grandfather.

The Horror of War.

A Lawn is Watered.

I am Laslo.

Wednesday, May 17, 2017

Stripper In The Trunk!

Laslo Films has a new short ready for The World.

Stripper In The Trunk!

Yes, there is a stripper in the trunk. It's actually kind of poignant.

And there are bologna sandwiches.

Adult-rated, of course.

Not that the bologna sandwiches are adult-rated: I didn't go THAT far.


I am Laslo.

Saturday, May 13, 2017

Sometimes I still think about that cheerleader, and wonder if she has ever been peed on.

Socially Awkward Guy Who Makes No Eye Contact says:

I really like Spring. All of the girls are in their Spring Dresses and everything is fresh and clean, not like the fake 'Febreze clean' that my room smells like all Winter. I masturbate a lot, so I use a LOT of Febreze...

When I walk down the street in Spring there are SO MANY girls I see that I'd love to pee on: they're everywhere! Pee Girls! I like when they wear sunglasses, because then we don't make eye contact: it's hard for me to look a girl in the eye, especially one I desperately want to pee on... 

When a woman looks me in the eye I can't help but feel like she is reading my mind: it is like my head is a giant chalkboard with "I WANT TO PEE ON YOU" written on it in yellow chalk. It's like those dreams where you're at the grocery store naked, buying toilet paper and Stool Softener...

When I was in high school a teacher called me up to the chalkboard to solve a math problem. Unfortunately, I had been daydreaming about peeing on the cute cheerleader that sat two rows over, and I had to walk up to the front of the room with a hard-on in my pants. For the rest of the year everyone in school called me "Stiffie", and occasionally "Math Cock Boy"...

Sometimes I still think about that cheerleader, and wonder if she has ever been peed on. I don't think she has, she didn't seem Like That Kind Of Girl. After a while you kind of get a sense about the girls who might let you pee on them, but I think they mostly want to be peed on by bigger, better-looking guys than me, with more forceful pee...

Just a guess, butI think Japanese Girls are more open to being peed on: the Japanese seem to like some funny things. And a lot of Japanese Girls act shy, which I am MUCH more comfortable with. Shy is Good: there isn't as much talking. I'm not really good at talking with Girls. But I probably could ask a Japanese Girl if I could pee on her, and -- if she was offended -- I could say she must've misunderstood my English, I didn't say THAT. That could work. I don't like Sushi, though, so maybe it wouldn't work out...

Like no one else thinks these things.

I hope the Girl with the Blue Hair is working at McDonalds today.

I am Laslo.

Wednesday, May 10, 2017

For Simmons, the second choice was a much easier path than the first.

I discussed a Theory regarding Simmons in a previous Althouse post. I think it certainly sets the groundwork for his gender transition.

I hope this helps put Richard Simmons' seclusion in better context. 

From that Theory:

"Richard Simmons shattered the glass ceiling that prevented Non-Celebrity Fat Women from having their own Magical Asexual Gay Guy."

Being a Gay Man that presented as Asexual and then was cast aside by better-looking non-threatening Celebrity Gay Men ('Queer Eye For the Straight Guy' as but one example), Simmons obviously suffered severe self-doubt leading to questions about his own worth and Identity.

Rejected as an Asexual Gay Man, Simmons really only had two options left to him: a SEXUAL Gay Man, or an Asexual Woman.

For Simmons, the second choice was a much easier path than the first.

As he was once a trend-setter in normalizing the Asexual Gay Man to Middle America he is now positioned to normalize Transgender Identity to those same people. They remember their previous fondness for Richard, and that helps them overlook any qualms they have of his new Identity: he was ALWAYS a bit 'off', but lovable.

Indeed, he is more effective normalizing Transgenderism to America than Caitlyn Jenner ever could: Caitlyn was once a Male Olympic Athlete, a Winner -- this places Him/Her outside a context that can readily be understood. But Simmons: he is still the Uncle who maybe hugs you too much but you love him, anyway.

I am Laslo.


Sunday, May 7, 2017

"Not fair? Being Unfair is the only thing that keeps my job interesting..."

"Mick, it is Time."

"What? You're Death, aren't you?"

"Yes. And it is now your time to leave this mortal coil."

"Did you just get back from killing Keith? Because he HAS to die before I do."

"Ah. Me and him, we toy with each other quite a bit, but no, I have not claimed Mr. Richards as of yet."

"This can't be! He's riddled his body with poisons, and I'm in great shape! There is no way I should go before him!"

"It doesn't work that way, Mr. Jagger. God has a soft spot for some drunkards and fools."

"But if I die KEITH will be the one who represents the Stones! Everyone will talk to him, and forget about me. I'M the Stones! It's not fair!"

"Not fair? Being Unfair is the only thing that keeps my job interesting..."

"Why don't you take Paul McCartney? Hell, take Paul AND Ringo! That'd be quite a day for you, right?"

"Sure. But The Man Upstairs likes the Beatles more than your band..."

"Oh -- this is about "Sympathy For The Devil", isn't it? I knew He'd hold that against me!"

"No: He actually thinks that song is funny. But He DOES think you guys haven't done anything good since the Seventies. And he HAS heard your solo albums..."

"Well, if God loves the Beatles so much why did he kill off Lennon so young?"

"Ah, that's easy: as you may surmise, The Man Upstairs REALLY disliked "Imagine"...

I am Laslo.

White Van!

A new short piece from Laslo Films is posted on YouTube...

Age Restricted because, well, it's Laslo.

Shafer and Tucker drink beer and discuss the ramifications of a White Van prowling their neighborhood.

A Man-Child with his beloved Pink Cake Donut has a terrifying encounter.

There is a drawing of a Kitty Kat.

I am Laslo.