"My snake! I knew what she meant by THAT! Hell Yeah!"

I've read about these things happening, but I never thought it would happen to me…

I was playing a video game when there was a knock at my door. I knew it wasn't the guy who sells me my weed because I just saw him yesterday. Anyway, I open the door, and it is my next-door neighbor, the hot chick with the tattoos and the piercings and the stretched earlobes! And as she stands there I see there is a snake through the hole of one of her ears!

"Help me," she sobbed. "My snake crawled in my ear and I'm freaking out!"

"Remain calm," I said, calmly. I don't really like snakes but I DO like hot chicks with tattoos and the piercings and the stretched earlobes, so I knew what I had to do.

I slowly pulled the snake back through the fleshy hole, and as I did so I noticed she got goosebumps on her arms.

"Are you okay?" I asked.

"Yeah," she said. "Having that thick long snake pulled through my ear hole -- it was strangely sexy."

"Glad I could help," I said.

"Oh, you can help," she said, smiling. "I want you to stick YOUR thick long snake in my earhole!"

"My snake! I knew what she meant by THAT! Hell Yeah!"

So after I ear-hole-fucked her she cleaned up and went back to her apartment.

Maybe it's wrong for me to think this way, but I hope her snake crawls into her asshole next!


I am Laslo.

http://althouse.blogspot.com/2017/01/the-stretch-pierced-earlobe-snake.html

“Okay, then. I’ll treat you like I treat all the other boys. Pull down your pants.”

“So Kyle, you were born female, but you identify as a male: is that correct?”

“Yes, Scout Master, I am a boy.”

“And I suppose you want to be treated like all the other boys in our Troop?”

“Yes sir! I’m just one of the boys!”

“Okay, then. I’ll treat you like I treat all the other boys. Pull down your pants.”

“What?”

“Pull down your pants, Kyle.”

“Why do you want me to pull down my pants, sir?”

“Because I’m going to treat you like I treat all the other boys. Meaning I’m going to fuck you in the ass.”

“No! Sir! That’s wrong!”

“Well, I’d suck your cock too, Kyle, but you don’t have one. So I guess it’s just going to be an ass-fuck.”

“I don’t want that, sir! Please!”

“Jesus, Kyle, for a boy you sure as Hell sound like a Little Girl. Getting fucked by a pedophile in a Position of Authority is a Rite of Passage for boys: everyone knows that.”

“How did they let you become a Scout Master?”

“Standards have changed, Kyle. Everyone is free to be who they want to be, now. I gotta admit, I thought they’d never let me in as a Scout Master, but it turns out I have Rights.”

“But I don’t want to be fucked in the ass. I wanted to be at a campfire — things like that.”

“”Oh, there will be times for campfires, Kyle. Ass-fucking and campfires.”

“I quit, sir! I’m going to join the Girl Scouts.”

“If you think that is for the best, I support you in your decision.”

“Please, please, just let me be a Girl Scout!”

“Sure, Kyle. Just one thing.”

“What’s that, sir?”

“When you’re with the Girl Scouts watch out for the bull-dykes…”

I am Laslo.

https://althouse.blogspot.com/2017/01/for-more-than-100-years-boy-scouts-of.html

I started to pull out my money again, but she stopped me and unbuttoned the top of her blouse.

I've read stories like this, but I never thought it would happen to me…

My grandmother passed away and left me two-hundred dollars, so I realized I needed a financial analyst, fast!

I looked up one on the internet, then made the next available appointment. By then I already had spent twenty dollars on beer, but I still needed help with the remaining $180. When I got to the office the financial analyst was a woman — and she was Hot!

She welcomed me with eyes that seemed to be thinking about more than money. I started to take the money out of my pocket, but she stopped me and said she had an important question to ask me first.

“Before we begin, I want to advise you that I was a Trump voter. Are we okay to proceed?”

Now, I’m not really into politics, but I pretended to consider her question deeply before saying “sure.” With legs like hers, she could’ve voted for Hitler and I wouldn’t mind!

I started to pull out my money again, but she stopped me and unbuttoned the top of her blouse.

“I understand that talking about large sums of money can make people uncomfortable,” she said, unbuttoning another button. “That is why I want to first put you at ease by sucking your cock and having you shoot your load on my breasts!” Hell yeah! Who was I to argue with a Professional?

After I shot my load all over her tits she said that our appointment cost four hundred dollars, but she would accept my $180 as a down payment. Thank goodness I had that money or I really would’ve been in trouble — Thanks, Grandma!

I am Laslo.

https://althouse.blogspot.com/2017/01/among-women-who-cast-ballots-42-were.html

What a Party Girl, though! I hope she didn’t have herpes…

I've read stories like this, but I never thought it would happen to me…

I met this girl at an after-hours party in a warehouse downtown. She obviously had expensive tastes: fashion dress of a Designer I’d probably know if I knew such things, a shiny yellow purse that probably cost five-hundred bucks, and she was wearing a sexy blue wig.

I spent half my rent money on buying us a few drinks — what IS a “Reverse-Cowgirl Swarovski Studded Alice”, anyway? — and she started to stumble in her party shoes, in a way they probably do in Fashion Magazines.

Although the place was crowded and loud she commented how the place was so quiet on Tuesday nights, even though it was a Thursday. As she started to leave she turned and asked me ’Are you coming?’ Hell yeah I was!

I was expecting us to get an Uber, but she had a black town car waiting for her! What a girl!

We got into the back and — before the car even moved — she started sucking my cock! I mean, the lipstick on those lips around my cock probably cost a hundred dollars!

So after she finishes sucking my cock she has her driver take me home. I didn’t even have to pay for a taxi!

I would LOVE to meet her again, but now I can’t even pay rent, so it might not be a good idea. What a Party Girl, though! I hope she didn’t have herpes…

I am Laslo.

https://althouse.blogspot.com/2017/01/ms-marnell-turned-tropes-of-womens.html

Then she asked me if I would like to come with her for a little ‘excitement’. Hell yeah!

I've read stories like this, but I never thought it would happen to me…

I was at a country bar on the outskirts of town when I caught her eye. She was dressed in tight Levi’s, with cowboy boots and a red-checked shirt baring her mid-riff. Needless to say, she was HOT!

I moved beside her and bought her a longneck beer, and we talked about how Garth Brooks was the shit back in the day.

Then she asked me if I would like to come with her for a little ‘excitement’. Hell yeah!

So we got in her pick-up truck and ended up driving to a black church on the wrong side of town. Now I was confused: I just thought she was going to give me a blow-job in the truck, but she got out and took a gasoline can out of the back. Like I said, I was confused, but what an ASS!

She proceeded to splash gasoline on the black church, then took a book of matches from her back pocket and set the church on fire. Woah! I knew this was wrong!

As the church was slowly being consumed by flames she came back to the truck, but instead of driving away she said “Burning black churches makes me horny,: and she proceeded to suck my cock!

After she finished an amazing blow-job we drove back to the bar, and had more beers. I still don’t know what to think about that night, but the blow-job was incredible! I feel sorry for the black church folk, though. That part was sad.

I am Laslo.

https://althouse.blogspot.com/2017/01/a-uw-madison-student-seeking-to-start.html

One of those, I thought: it seems like all the women in black stretch-pants are liberals. Go figure.

I've read stories like this, but I never thought it would happen to me...

I was walking down the store when I cam upon a woman ahead of me in black yoga pants. My God, what an ass! It left little to the imagination, and I have a GOOD imagination!

I noticed she was struggling with several bags of groceries, so I offered to help. She seemed genuinely thankful, and I carried most of her bags with her to her apartment, all the while following that mesmerizing ass.

When we got to her apartment she went inside and I waited at the door —  I didn’t want to seem presumptuous by just walking in.

“Come in!” She said, and she motioned me to put the groceries on her kitchen table.

On her wall was a ‘Hillary’ campaign poster. One of those, I thought: it seems like all the women in black stretch-pants are liberals. Go figure.

“Tough loss,” I said, and she smiled at me.

“Yes, it was. I believe in the empowerment of women.”

“Me, too,” I agreed.”

“As part of my empowerment I command you to take off your clothes,” she said, a twinkle in her eye.

You don’t have to tell ME twice!

As she undressed I noticed her as was just like I imagined — it looked like her ass in the yoga pants, just without the yoga pants.

Needless to say, we went to her bedroom and fucked doggy-style.

Afterward, she offered me twenty dollars for helping her with her groceries. At first I wasn’t going to take the money — I was thanked enough, I thought — but I could really use the twenty dollars, so I accepted it. I figure who am I to argue with her empowerment?

Needless to say, I can’t see a woman in black stretch-pants without thinking fondly about my afternoon with the Hillary supporter! I never thought I would say this, but: Thanks, Hillary!

I am Laslo.

https://althouse.blogspot.com/2017/01/sorry-to-offend-black-stretch-pants.html

"That's because you were high on the drugs! You become insatiable for sodomy when you're like that!"

"Jasper, please, No! Don't smoke that reefer!"

"Oh Betsy, it's not a big deal. It just gives me a little high, that's all!"

"A little high? When you are on the dope you turn into an Ass Fiend!"

"An Ass Fiend?"

"Yes: an Ass Fiend! You begin fiending for Ass!"

"Betsy, I'm sure I don't do that…"

"Remember New Year's Eve? You kept trying to sodomize me in the kitchen while people were still eating lobster bisque in the dining room."

"Their stories were boring…"

"That may be the case, but you kept grabbing my buttocks and saying you were a Pirate!"

"A pirate?"

"An ASS Pirate, Jasper: an ASS pirate."

"I'm sorry, but none of this rings a bell."

"That's because you were high on the drugs! You become insatiable for sodomy when you're like that!"

"I bet I'm just joking, Betsy…"

"You tried to put a cucumber up my ass, Jasper! That was NOT proper!"

"I'm sorry, Betsy. Maybe I'll just have a bit of cocaine, instead."

"But Jasper, when you're on cocaine you try to suck men's cocks!"

"I do?"

"Yes, Jasper, you do. You become an insatiable cock-sucker."

"Ah, Betsy. Haven't you ever wanted -- just once -- to let loose?"

"I've smoked the reefer before, Jasper."

"And what happened?"

"I had fierce animal love with a black man."

"My goodness, Betsy! A black man?"

"A black man on REEFER, Jasper: a black man on REEFER!"

"Oh my…"

"He tried to have me again with his magnificent black manhood, but he got distracted and I was able to run away."

"Distracted? What happened?"

"You came into the room high on cocaine and started sucking his cock…"


I am Laslo.

https://althouse.blogspot.com/2017/01/if-reefer-madness-isnt-enough-anti.html

 

"I’ve dated a lot of black men. And they’ve all had huge cocks.”

In the Hotel Hallway...

“Miss, are you okay?”

“Sure. Yeah. I’m OK.”

“Did you lose your key?”

“It’s inside. My boyfriend kicked me out.”

“I’ve worked in Hotel management for twenty years, dear, I’ve seen it all. Was he drunk?”

“Yeah, but not drunk-drunk. He didn’t hit me or nothing. He just said I wasn’t coming back in until I agreed to anal.”

“Maybe I could get you a taxi…”

“I’m fine, here. It was my mistake, really.”

“Your mistake?”

“Yeah. He asked me if I ever did anal, and I told him about my black ex-boyfriend in college with the huge cock. Like, really huge.”

“Talking about past lovers can be a dicey proposition…”

“Oh yeah. I told him that, after having anal with that huge black cock, I swore I would never do anal again.”

“That’s understandable.”

“I mean, the cock was REALLY huge.”

“Yes, you’ve said that.”

“Then he got all hurt that I would have anal with someone, but not with him.”

“Men get jealous over the silliest things, dear.”

“Yeah. He said if his cock wasn’t good enough for my ass then maybe he needed to rethink our relationship. Then he kicked me out of the room.”

“Like I said, I can call you a taxi…”

“It’s just that my black ex-boyfriend’s cock was huge. I don’t even know how it fit in the first place.”

“So how long are you going to wait out here in the hallway?”

“I don’t know. Until one of us changes our minds, I guess.”

“But what if he doesn’t change his mind.”

“Then I guess I’m going to be letting him stick his cock up my ass. At least it’s not a huge cock, right?”

“That may make a difference…”

“In fact, compared to my black ex-boyfriend’s huge cock my new boyfriend’s cock is rather small.”

“I see you have a lot to think about.”

“And my new boyfriend comes pretty quickly. It would probably be over in less than a minute.”

“This might not be my place to ask, but why are you with this guy?”

“Because my parents don’t want me to date black men anymore. I’ve dated a lot of black men. And they’ve all had huge cocks.”

“That DOES make this tricky…”

“Did I mention his cock is small?”

“Yes you did, dear…”

“Thank you for listening to me. I think I’m just going to sit here and think some more.”

“Okay, dear. Let me know if you need anything from me…”

“Actually: does the hotel have any lube? You know: just in case..."


I am Laslo.


https://althouse.blogspot.com/2017/01/at-everythings-going-wrong-cafe.html

'Uncle Bennie Is Coming Home from Prison' first trailer

The first  trailer for 'Uncle Bennie Is Coming Home from Prison' is up!

Uncle Bennie Is Coming Home From Prison First Trailer

I am Laslo.

I know you, Robert: you’ll beg for mercy like a little bitch.

Him: Trump is no Republican. He’s just a big fat ego.

Me: Then why didn’t you speak out against him during the campaign?

Him: You kidding? I was surrounded by Trump voters. I’d have been shot.

Me: I know the feeling. I hear that Hillary has a list of the people she blames for her loss. Please: if I happen to have an ‘accident’ know that it wasn’t an accident.

Him: Seriously?

Me: Oh yeah. People are going are going to be dropping like flies. Hillary wants blood.

Him: But surely people will notice all of this?

Me: What? The vast right-wing conspiracy? People accidentally walk in front of trains all the time. Car accidents, suicides. Shit happens.

Him: Aren’t you afraid?

Me: I danced with the devil. I get what’s coming to me.

Him: I know you, Robert: you’ll beg for mercy like a little bitch.

Me: (laughter). You DO know me. I AM a little bitch. I’m a four-foot-eleven little bitch, and I’m going to sob and beg for my life. It won’t matter, though: there is no mercy in Hillary’s dark soul.

Him: I’m sorry, man….

Me: I just hope it’s not an embarrassing death, like sexual asphyxiation. Or small boys being involved…

Him: Wait — so are you saying PizzaGate is true?

Me: (laughter) Let’s save THAT story for my ’suicide note’…

I am Laslo.

https://althouse.blogspot.com/2017/01/robert-reichs-conversation-with-friend.html

Ah, memories: I remember my mother singing “Que Sera, Sera” to me as she lovingly washed my hairless genitals during my bath.

Humlaut LeBlanc, Fashion Icon of Fabulous…

I am Humlaut LeBlanc, Fashion Icon of Fabulous, and I have travelled all over the globe in search of Inspiration — except for Africa, of course: so much of the clothing there seems unnecessarily garish and itchy. And I like Africans better when they are in Milan or Paris, and possess the finer details of European Etiquette and the proper serving of Room Service…

Yet I was simply in my luxury hotel room in Manhattan when I came across an old Doris Day film on the television. Gott im Himmel — I found Doris Day to be tres bien Fabulous….!

Some Fashion Loves the Woman, some Fashion Hates the Woman: it is the Mercurial Nature of the Iconic Gay Designer. As such, Doris Day’s Look reminds me of when I was a small boy with my crayons, coloring ice-cream-colored dresses onto the nude women in the pages of my father’s pornography…

Ah, memories: I remember my mother singing “Que Sera, Sera” to me as she lovingly washed my hairless genitals during my bath. Yes: you can truly understand how Doris Day made Americans forget about the Jewish Problem…

I am Humlaut LeBlanc, and I Believe in Fabulous…


I am Laslo.


https://althouse.blogspot.com/2017/01/everyone-was-saying-melania-got-her.html

It is one thing to hear about being used and degraded by an entire basketball team, but why talk about it when you can SHOW it!

Pamela Hood, Lawsuit Model…

You're a woman, and a Man of Power has taken advantage of you. Sure, you want to sue, but living through the horrors of the event in a courtroom seems more than you can bear. Well, I'm Pamela Hood, Lawsuit Model, and I'm here to help…

I will enact your traumatic event on film so that the jury can truly see your harrowing experience. I hire only the best professional commercial actors to portray your Offender -- and Powerful Old White Men are a specialty…!

Were you naked when The Man of Power took advantage of you? I have no problem being naked on film! Did he grab you by the ears in a nonconsensual manner during a blow-job? Let ME be the one to gag on his cock with mascara running down my face…!

With Pamela Hood, Lawsuit Model, your lawyers can show exactly what happened, exactly as you have described it! It is one thing to hear about being used and degraded by an entire basketball team, but why talk about it when you can SHOW it! And -- yes -- I do anal…!

So please, call Pamela Hood, Lawsuit Model, and get the Justice you deserve! And -- when you contact us -- please ask about our Presidential Specials….!


I am Laslo.


https://althouse.blogspot.com/2017/01/women-are-not-footnote-to-history-we.html

“I like tentacles in my panties! Go Speed Racer Go!”

“Isn’t it great, Chelsea? You’re going to be out of prison!”

“Me sorry: me no Chelsea no more.”

“What is that, Chelsea?”

“Me is Suki now. I are Suki Manning, young Japanese girl. Me no make eye contact. Flirty flirty.”

“Chelsea, you just can’t ‘become’ Japanese: it doesn’t work that way…”

“Hello Kitty! Sushi sushi! I will wear white socks and pillow-fight! Godzilla — Bam Bam!”

“Chelsea —“

“Me small Japanese Girl with Big American Penis! Tee-Hee!”

“Chelsea, you’re just mimicking crude stereotypes. That is wrong, can’t you see?”

“Oh: Mr. Round-Eye, he no like-a the Japanese Girls. He think I’m very bad girl. Maybe he want to spank very bad girl. Should I bend over, Mr. Round-Eye?”

“Dear God, Chelsea, you have come so far in people accepting you as a woman, but if you now say you’re Japanese everyone will just think you’re crazy!”

“I like tentacles in my panties! Go Speed Racer Go!”

“Snap out of it Chelsea! Snap out of it!”

“Hey! You just slapped me!”

“I’m trying to get you to come back to reality, Chelsea…”

“Chelsea? Who’s she? I’M Bradley Manning….”

“Oh God, Chelsea, I slapped you TOO hard…”

I am Laslo.

https://althouse.blogspot.com/2017/01/obama-frees-chelsea-manning.html

“That’s right, Brady! Now: tell me I’m a pretty girl and you want to suck my girl-cock!”

“Please Chelsea, No!”

“Oh — so now you want compassion? It’s just you and me now, Brady, just the two of us alone behind this prison kitchen.”

“Chelsea, I was just kidding, I swear.”

“Yeah, yeah: just kidding, right? You told everyone you were going to make me your bitch.”

“It — it was just funny, that’s all — you trying to be a girl and all — I didn’t mean anything…”

“I AM a girl, Brady: I am a girl who is going to fuck you in the ass with my girl-cock!”

“Please, Chelsea, just let me go…”

“Oh, I will let you go, all right. But only after I make sweet sweet hate to your sad ass.”

“Oh God…”

“You ever been fucked by a girl, Brady? Have you ever been fucked by a girl-cock?”

“No, Chelsea, I haven’t…. please….”

“Tell me I’m pretty.”

“Uh… what?”

“Tell me I’m pretty, Brady.”

“Sure, yeah: you’re a pretty girl Chelsea — in fact, that’s all I meant by what I was saying — you’re a pretty girl!”

“That’s right, Brady! Now: tell me I’m a pretty girl and you want to suck my girl-cock!”

“What?”

“Tell me I’m a PRETTY GIRL and you want to SUCK MY GIRL-COCK!

“Okay, okay! I want to suck your girl-cock, Chelsea!”

“Louder, Brady!”

“I WANT TO SUCK YOUR GIRL-COCK, CHELSEA!”

“That’s better. I’m glad we had this chance to talk.”

“Uh… that’s it? Is this a trick?”

“This is it, Brady. All I wanted to do was for us to talk, like two people, able to share our feelings honestly.”

“Okay…”

“I feel like this has REALLY helped our relationship grow, Brady. Remember: we might have cocks, but we think with our
hearts….”

“Oh Lord, Chelsea, you really ARE a girl…”


I am Laslo.


https://althouse.blogspot.com/2017/01/the-18-highest-ranked-comments-on-nyt.html

“A childish fantasy is that, Sven. You were meant for Sorrow. And buggery.”

Ingmar Bergman Unfinished Script “Wheat and Oranges” —Excerpt”

“Olaf, the bleak winter is playing tricks on my mind. I believe I want to be a woman.”

“It is a bowl of soup, Sven. Gender is a bowl of pitiful radish soup.”

“Why would God give me the body of a man if he gave me the Soul of a woman?”

“It is because God payed attention to you, Sven. Most people God has ignored in abject apathy. But you: He chose you to have a special burden. Like the buggerer. Or a leper.”

“So God only pays attention by creating misery, Olaf?”

“If there IS a God, Sven, then Yes. He has put the worm in your apple. He has put the weevil in your wheat.”

“Perhaps when Spring finally comes the warmth of the Sun will awaken the Man inside me again.”

“A childish fantasy is that, Sven. You were meant for Sorrow. And buggery.”

“I would give anything to eat an orange right now.”

“That is the woman in you speaking, Sven. Only a woman would be so frivolous as to desire an Orange in winter.”

“You have given me much to think about, Olaf. Perhaps I shall wander out into the snowy forest and lose my way, beneath an uncaring sky.”

“Remember this Sven: the bare trees do not care your gender, Sven, nor do the wolves…”

I am Laslo.

https://althouse.blogspot.com/2017/01/the-18-highest-ranked-comments-on-nyt.html

“Half-hour, this time. I won’t even be taking off my shoes.”

Authentic Big City Dialog...

“How are you doing tonight, Gwen?”

“I’m doing well, Isaac. How’s my favorite Uber driver?”

“Doin’ great. Mo money Mo money — we know ALL about that, right?”

“Oh yeah. The guy in my last session tipped me two hundred dollars.”

“Sweet. Did he pay extra for using the back door?”

“Not even. Straight doggy-style. Meat and potatoes, baby.”

“You know, sometimes with me driving you around to all your ‘appointments’, I kinda feel like your pimp. Ha.”

“You’d beat someone down for me, Isaac? If someone needed beating down, I mean?”

“Oh yeah. Where I grew up, beatin’ someone down ain’t no big thing.”

“Good to know, Isaac.”

“You have someone that needs beaten’ down, pretty lady?”

“There’s always someone, Isaac: there’s always someone.”

“Ain’t THAT the truth.”

“Funny. You know, what WOULD you charge if you were to beat someone down? You know, just talking, of course.”

“Of course. I bet we would find a suitable exchange.”

“I’ll keep that in mind.”

“Hell, we might even work it out in Trade. Just talking’, of course.”

“Of course.”

“How big is he?”

“How big is who?”

“This guy who needs beatin’ down: is he a big dude?”

“Pretty big. Used to work as a bouncer at I strip club I was at.”

“So a big dude.”

“What would that be? Like, an hour of Trade, maybe?”

“We’re just talking’, of course.”

“Oh yeah. Just talking.”

“A big dude, right? An hour sounds good. But it’d be a back door hour.”

“Back door? You’re gonna put the big hurt on him?”

“Hell yeah. He’ll be crying like a bitch, and he won’t even know why.”

“You like the back door, don’t you, Isaac?”

“Baby, I’m a Back Door Man.”

“Ah. The men don’t know…”

“…But the little girls understand. You got it, Gwen, you got it.”

“Well, this is good to know, Isaac. Just talking, of course.”

“Of course, Pretty Lady. And we’re here…”

“Thanks for the ride, Isaac.”

“See you in an hour?”

“Half-hour, this time. I won’t even be taking off my shoes.”

“Ha! Be safe, little girl…”

“I will, Isaac: I always am…”

I am Laslo.

https://althouse.blogspot.com/2017/01/the-most-important-question-surrounding.html