Thursday, March 31, 2016

"Her shoes were already off, and -- what can I say? -- I like toes."


"So: did you see anything suspicious when you found the girl's body?"

"Yeah: yeah I did. There was a white van with no windows in the back leaving the parking lot right when I was pulling in."

"How did you discover the body?"

"I walked out into the trees to find a private place to urinate. Too much coffee this morning, goes right through me."

"And that is how you came across the body?"

"Yes, sir."

"Well, we might be in luck. Whoever the perpetrator was left a copious amount of semen on her stomach -- we should be able to get good DNA from that."

"Ummmmm…."

"What is it?"

"Uh; that's MY semen."

"That's YOUR semen?"

"Yes sir."

"So YOU killed her?"

"No, no: I would never do such a thing. I just masturbated onto her body."

"And why would you do such a thing?"

"Because she was kinda hot, even being dead and all."

"So you masturbated onto her."

"Yeah, I did. I was going to wipe away the -- you know -- semen, but I didn't want to disturb any evidence."

"Well, I think you have ALREADY disturbed the evidence. Did you do anything else after finding the body?"

"Ummmmmm…."

"Oh God. What did you do?"

"I sucked her toes."

"You sucked her toes?"

"Her shoes were already off, and -- what can I say? -- I like toes."

"Anything else…?"

"Well… I did cut off a lock of her hair to tickle my balls while I was masturbating. It'll be good for memories."

"Memories?"

"You don't think I'm only going to masturbate about this once, do you?"


I am Laslo.


Monday, March 28, 2016

"More so every day, Farook, more so every day."


"Farook!"

"Yes, Amir?"

"I think Our Brothers' actions in Belgium might have hurt us."

"Belgium? I thought we had bombed France again."

"No, no Farook: Belgium is a separate country."

"And it is in Europe?"

"Yes, Farook: it is in Europe."

"Do they at least SPEAK French?"

"Oh, fuck: they speak a little of everything: Dutch, French, German..."

"Do they speak Arabic?"

"More so every day, Farook, more so every day."

"So what is the problem?"

"We are being looked at closer than ever."

"Amir, we are constantly being looked at closer than ever, but they never actually see us."

"You know, Farook? That is SO True. Let's go get some Schwarma!"

"From the place that rubs their dicks in all the Jewish students' food?"

Of course, Farook my Friend: of course!"


I am Laslo.



Sunday, March 27, 2016

Actually, that last one might just be to evade the law.


Even Serial Killers can show Empathy.

They might leave the body face-up rather than face-down, for instance.

They might pull the dress back down over her naked hips.

They might remove any objects criminally inserted into the victim.

They might wipe all the semen off her body.


Actually, that last one might just be to evade the law.


Anyway, they still might feel a distorted form of Empathy, but never Sympathy: they can only be Sympathetic to themselves.

It is an interesting distinction.

Anyone who would like to discuss this further is welcome to meet me in the back of my White Van with No Windows In The Back.


I am Laslo.


http://althouse.blogspot.com/2016/03/empathy-isnt-just-something-that.html

This World needs a healthy Dose of 'Fuck You'.

Does Empathy make us Immoral?

Look at our current Pope.

Yeah, I am going there.

Empathy without Judgment.

Pronunciations without Perception.

Compassion has been replaced by Virtue Signaling.

This World needs a healthy Dose of 'Fuck You'.


I am Laslo.


http://althouse.blogspot.com/2016/03/does-empathy-make-us-immoral.html

Saturday, March 26, 2016

I don't know why five is skipped, it just works that way.

Laslo's Sexual Alegbra:

Fuck one woman and you are fucking one woman.

Fuck two women and a third will enter the equation.

Fuck three women and you get a fourth.

Fuck four women and you get six. I don't know why five is skipped, it just works that way.

Fuck six women and you can have twelve, if you want them. Because if you can get six how hard is it to get another six?

Fuck twelve women and the Baker's Dozen comes easy.

But the thirteenth woman always fucks it up.

Because Thirteen is an unlucky number.

Especially if she IS thirteen.


I am Laslo.


http://althouse.blogspot.com/2016/03/please-ladies-i-dont-wanna-talk-about.html


Friday, March 25, 2016

Unless one of those college-age Temporary Fucks hoists an errant three and Shits in the Caviar.


Real Republican Man says:

Real Republicans watch the March Madness, and they know: the Coaches are what matters.

COACHES Win and Lose; Players come and go.

A Great Coach will play a Prudent Game.

A Great Coach's Prudent Game will Win.

Unless one of those college-age Temporary Fucks hoists an errant three and Shits in the Caviar.

I am Keeping a List.


I am Laslo.



But no: the Rat-Fuckers had to Rat Fuck.


Real Republican Man says:

Seventy percent of Republicans feel that the election process is not working.

Is that seventy percent the people angry at how Trump has been treated?

Or is that seventy percent the Real Republicans who Know Better?

You're damned right it is Real Republicans who Know Better. Real Republicans have a right to be angry: the way Jeb was treated was a Disgrace.

As President, Jeb could've kept the Real Republicans doing what Real Republicans do: being Prudent.

But no: the Rat-Fuckers had to Rat Fuck. 

Imprudently.

(Note: I can't take credit for 'Rat-Fuckers': a True Real Republican posted that in a previous thread).

While not the Lawn Party-destroying rodents I previously warned about -- Rat-Fuckers are Real. 

The Rodents burrow beneath Decency and then the Rat-Fuckers fuck them. I am not sure how that even works, physically, but it must be disgusting, even if the Rat-Fucker has a very tiny cock and the rat is a rather big rat.

Or maybe Rat-Fuckers put the Rat up their Ass like Richard Gere, who is obviously not a Real Republican.

Let me put this plainly: if you put live Rats up your Ass you are NOT a Real Republican. Don't give me your Libertarian bullshit on this one.

And anybody that would put a live rat up their Ass would certainly have no problem with Shitting in the Caviar.

I am Keeping a List.


I am Laslo.




Thursday, March 24, 2016

"Clik-Clak Clik-Clak Ching-Chong"

The Great and Almighty God -- through Baby Nebulae and Meteors, through Dinosaurs and Sharks and Wars -- has simply waited for All of Man to Better Understand Him by Speaking English.

Good job, King James.

And for those saying " Clik-Clak Clik-Clak Ching-Chong" I say English is the Eye of the Camel you Must Pass Through.

Bless you All.

I am Laslo.


http://althouse.blogspot.com/2016/03/wapo-seems-surprised-that-people-regard.html

And you know what rodents do at an Elegant Lawn Party?


Real Republican Man says:

The Republicans have kept an immaculate lawn through years of prudent tending. It has been seeded and trimmed and is as Pristine as an Augusta Putting Green. This is because we have been Prudent. It is the kind of lawn made for elegant parties with women with large elegant hats to protect their fair skin from the sun: prudent women.

But underneath: the burrowing. Rodents. In the past we have been successful at marginalizing the Rodent Menace, but they keep coming back. And you know what rodents do at an Elegant Lawn Party?

You know EXACTLY what they do: they Shit in the Caviar.

America:our Immaculate Lawn is needed, now more than ever. We can no longer assume that the rodents will be disposed of by traditional methods. Extreme measures may be necessary.

Or do you want to see our Elegant Women with the Elegant Hats eat the same Caviar that the Rodents have just despoiled?

Republicans: you know a Rat when you see one.

I am Keeping a List.


I am Laslo.



Tuesday, March 22, 2016

Thank you, TCom.



 TCom said...
Once again Chuck proves himself to be a total sleaze, who has absolutely no business telling anyone else what candidates are acceptable.

Dutch Oven Republican.
3/22/16, 9:25 AM'

Government should NOT be a Dutch Oven. Ever.



Thank you, TCom.

I am Laslo.

You will not even feel your hand being squeezed.


Use the Heroin in a Dose that Courtney Love says is Okay.

Relax in the Upper Room.

Close your eyes.

Let Courtney place the Shotgun in your Mouth.

Or let an Acquaintance of hers put the Shotgun in your mouth -- there are No Conspiracies Here.

Let her -- or her Acquaintance -- put your hand over the Trigger.

You will not even feel your hand being squeezed.

Briefly open your eyes.

Notice that Yoko Ono is in the same room, laughing.

__ ____ __ ___


I am Laslo.



Monday, March 21, 2016

Let it be, let it be: Whisper Words of Apathy, Let It Be.


The Slightly-Less-Than-Average-Intelligence Althouse Reader says:

I know you Smart People.

You need the 'downscale' people to be just docile enough to not topple your place at the Top. 

Still: every once in a while you happen to look down, and can see just how precarious that Top can be. then you look away, because you are Too Smart to fall. Falling is for those still on the Ladder.

But you figure the Little People will never be Smart enough to kick the legs out from under your chairs, because you tell them it wouldn't be Smart to do such a thing. Bad things happen when Bad Things happen to the Smart People. 

So the Smart People keep pumping up their Muzak:

Let it be, let it be: Whisper Words of Apathy, Let It Be.

But sometimes -- sometimes -- the Little People recognize that there are other songs on the jukebox.

We Say We Want a Revolution. You Don't Need to See the Plan.

And I figure you don't get it.

Because you're Smart.


I am Laslo.



http://althouse.blogspot.com/2016/03/a-phrase-that-shocked-me-down-scale.html

Sunday, March 20, 2016

I'll be having your Daughter moaning and calling me Big Daddy P in no time.


Supreme Court don't mean Shit to a Pimp. 

Supreme Court says I can't have an Uzi? Guess what? I got me an Uzi.

Supreme Court says I can't Shiv a Sucker? Well, I'll shiv whoever needs shivving, bitches.

Supreme Court says I can't turn out Hos on the Street to make me my Paper? I'll put them Bitches out, and they'll suck cock twelve hours straight to keep me Rolling Big. And I'll straighten out those that start the Wrong Kind of Thinking: I don't need the Supreme Court to tell me when a Bitch gets out of line.

All you lawyers; keep on doing that Lawyer Thing -- it don't matter to me none.Meanwhile, I'll be having your Daughter moaning and calling me Big Daddy P in no time. You screw me, your Daughter gets screwed: you Feel Me?

Now go back to your Pretend World of Big Thoughts: I'll be hanging out here, laying down the Street Law with the Back of My Hand.


I am Laslo.


I know how to blend in with the crowd.


The Slightly-Less-Than-Average-Intelligence Althouse Reader says:

I know you Smart People.

You equate Smart with Money. You have Money, you must be Smart.

And then you pay the Little People to not just do the jobs that you don't want to do, but to do the jobs you don't know HOW to do.

Change your own oil?

Change a tire?

Install a faucet?

Rewire a doorbell?

Horror. Those are things only OTHER people need to know how to do. That is why you have Money: you have Money, so you are Smart enough to know that there are things you don't need to know how to do.

I know how to load a gun.

I know where to bury a body.

I know how to blend in with the crowd.

And I figure you don't get it.

Because you're Smart.


I am Laslo.