Ron Jeremy, Presidential Debate Moderator:
"How many of you have had a threesome? No one? Really? I've had hundreds, myself. Cruz, I get: religious man. And -- well -- there are his looks. Not threesome bait. And Rubio: I get you might not want to answer that, especially if the threesome was all men and all. But not even you, Donald? With THAT money? I find THAT hard to believe..."
"How many here can suck their own cock? Again: no one? Because I can suck my own cock. Have done it on film, even. Have any of you even TRIED to suck your own cock? C'mon: what teenage boy hasn't tried to suck their own cock, just once? No one, really...?"
"Who here has slept with an underage girl? I mean, not on purpose: like, I fucked this girl for a film, then I found out she was only seventeen. How was I to know? Has that happened to any of you? You bang the chick, and it turns out she lied about being eighteen? Or, Marco: you can count a sixteen-year-old boy in this scenario, that's all right. C'mon, you can admit it: none of you are Mitt Romney, am I right...?"
"How many here have had an STD? Because, when you work in the porn industry, it comes with the territory. How about on the campaign trail? Are there skanky girls -- or boys, Marco, it can be boys -- with cold sores on the trail, waiting in hotel rooms, who leave you with a burning sensation? Any of you itching right now, desperate to keep from scratching...?"
"No one? If no one here is going to answer any of my questions I might as well be President, myself..."
I am Laslo.