"Honey, I hope that by five o'clock I am stone drunk and giving some stranger a blow-job in his pick-up truck..."

"Daddy Issue America": an Excerpt...

"Mom?"

"Yes, Amanda?"

"If Dad wanted to come back to you would you let him?"

"Oh, Honey. Your dad was lousy in bed."

"But he's had a twenty-two-year-old girlfriend for a while now. Maybe he's better."

"Honey, men don't get better at sex. Whatever they did at sixteen is pretty much what you get from them at forty-six. But at forty-six they now get whiskey dick."

"That's sad, Mom."

"It's okay, baby: from what I find at the bars there are a lot of men who must've been amazing when they were sixteen."

"But isn't there more than sex. Mom?"

"Sure, honey: that is why your Dad pays me alimony."

"OK..."

"Amanda, do you miss having your Father at home?"

"Not really. But I REALLY hate going to his place on the weekend and hearing him bang the twenty-two-year-old. It's gross. It just keeps going on and on, and all her moaning..."

"It goes on and on? Like, for more than two minutes?"

"A LOT more than two minutes, Mom."

"Well then: I guess he HAS learned something new about sex. And she moans, or just 'moan-moans'?"

"She MOANS, Mom. I think he is fucking her in the ass."

"What makes you think that?"

"Because she keeps shouting "fuck my ass harder!".

"Well, Amanda, what your Dad and his young Whore do is their business, I guess."

"Sure, Mom. I just wish I didn't have to listen to it. You know how hard it is to look Dad in the face after hearing him say "Does Pussycat wants her wittle pussy eaten?""

"So he eats pussy now, too?"

"I'm sorry, Mom."

"I think I'm going to head out to the bar."

"But it's not even five o'clock yet."

"Honey, I hope that by five o'clock I am stone drunk and giving some stranger a blow-job in his pick-up truck..."

I am Laslo.