Thursday, March 31, 2016

"Her shoes were already off, and -- what can I say? -- I like toes."

"So: did you see anything suspicious when you found the girl's body?"

"Yeah: yeah I did. There was a white van with no windows in the back leaving the parking lot right when I was pulling in."

"How did you discover the body?"

"I walked out into the trees to find a private place to urinate. Too much coffee this morning, goes right through me."

"And that is how you came across the body?"

"Yes, sir."

"Well, we might be in luck. Whoever the perpetrator was left a copious amount of semen on her stomach -- we should be able to get good DNA from that."


"What is it?"

"Uh; that's MY semen."

"That's YOUR semen?"

"Yes sir."

"So YOU killed her?"

"No, no: I would never do such a thing. I just masturbated onto her body."

"And why would you do such a thing?"

"Because she was kinda hot, even being dead and all."

"So you masturbated onto her."

"Yeah, I did. I was going to wipe away the -- you know -- semen, but I didn't want to disturb any evidence."

"Well, I think you have ALREADY disturbed the evidence. Did you do anything else after finding the body?"


"Oh God. What did you do?"

"I sucked her toes."

"You sucked her toes?"

"Her shoes were already off, and -- what can I say? -- I like toes."

"Anything else…?"

"Well… I did cut off a lock of her hair to tickle my balls while I was masturbating. It'll be good for memories."


"You don't think I'm only going to masturbate about this once, do you?"

I am Laslo.

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