Friday, April 1, 2016

"No one can touch my Asshole if I don't want them to."

"Daddy Issue America": an Excerpt...


"Yes, Amanda?'

"I went to a Trump rally and an old white guy grabbed my ass."

"How old?"

"Like Grandpa Old."

"Okay: did he 'grab', or did he 'fish-hook'?

"Fish-hook, Mom?"

"You know sweetie: when they grab at the back but then hook their fingers underneath to the front."

"I get it. He didn't fish-hook -- he just kinda... twirled."

"He twirled his fingers?"


"Between your thighs?"


"And what did YOU do?"

"I didn't have to do anything: a little Japanese Guy stepped up and gave him a Judo Chop and he fell down."


"I don't know, he could have been Korean. Or some other kind of Asian Chink."

"Well, that was very nice of the Japanese Man, but -- Honey -- you can NEVER let a Stranger Fish-Hook you."

"I know, Mom: I was all set to stab him in the balls with my Keys, just like you taught me."

"Exactly. And we don't worry about little Davey because..."

"Because little Davey tried to put his finger in my vagina in fourth grade and I stabbed him in the balls with my keys and was suspended."

"And who was Right and who was Wrong?"

"I was Right and Davey and the School were Wrong."

"Exactly, Amanda: exactly. Now what did I teach you?"

"No one can touch my Asshole if I don't want them to."

"See? You are becoming a BIG Girl..."

I am Laslo.

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