"It's okay," she replied. "I haven't pooped once since I was nineteen. I'm on an AMAZING diet."

I met Gwyneth Paltrow at a party once. I was at the bar and she sat beside me, doing this annoying fingers-through-hair-and-toss thing,

Anyway, I told her that I despised her, but it only turned her on.

"How much do you despise me?" she asked, sipping her custom White Russian made with Ensure.

"A lot," I said, lighting a cigarette.

"Tell me more," she said.

"I find you pretentious and twee," I replied. "No," I corrected myself. "You WISH you could be Twee in that wispy British way, but you can't even do that right."

I thought that might break her spirit, but instead she grabbed my belt and dragged me behind her to a stall in the women's bathroom.

"Fuck me in my pale ass," she said, her voice suprisingly husky for...well: for Gwyneth Paltrow."

"I'm not interested," I said."

"It's okay," she replied. "I haven't pooped once since I was nineteen. I'm on an AMAZING diet."

"That can't be good for you," I said.

"Break the Seal," she implored.

So I thought of Scarlett Johannson and fucked her in the ass.

Note: this happened before I ever fucked Scarlett Johannson in the ass. I would never cheat on Scarlett once we made it to anal. I am a gentleman.


I am Laslo.


http://althouse.blogspot.com/2016/04/yes-thats-totally-classy-cover-to-book.html