My observation / diagnosis is that Marco Rubio suffers from Gay Sublimation Syndrome.
Occasional droopy eye from muscle fatigue caused by the need for keeping up a 'straight' front: check.
Excessive thirst from suppressed salivation responses: check.
Feels most honest and free when making references to male genitalia: check.
Capitulates to 'sugar daddies': check.
A history of foam parties: check.
Cuban heeled-boots: check.
Now I am -- of course -- no Expert, but sometimes Facts are Facts. Extra research on the internet related to 'Marco Rubio' and 'cucumbers' yields nothing at this point.
I am Laslo,