On the set of a Hollywood SJW Ad…
"Hello, America. I'm Robert Downey, Jr, and since the election of Trump I have been scared for my vagina…"
"Robert, stop, stop. I think you have Lena Dunham's script by mistake."
"Really? Because I can imagine having a vagina. I'm an actor: I can do that."
"No, sorry, Robert: Lena REALLY wanted to be the one to say 'vagina' in this spot. America knowing about her vagina fears is very important to her."
"I can have vagina fears, too. I'm a very sensitive guy. A very sensitive guy, sensitive to women's vagina fears: they have fears about their vaginas, and I can talk about sharing that."
"I think you talking about vaginas might not make the best of your time in this ad, Robert…"
"I think I know where this is going: I'm going to get the script about drug addictions increasing, aren't I?"
"Yeah, I know, I know: I had drug problems. Big ones. But I'm REALLY tired of being 'that drug guy', you know?"
"I understand, Robert: I do. Say: how do you feel about transvestites, Robert? Travolta dropped out."
"Of course he did. Travolta talks a Big Game about transvestites in private, but when it comes to going public…"
"He's just not ready yet, Robert…"
"What is Trump doing to the transvestites? I know a few transvestite hookers, but they haven't said much…"
"That's because Trump is forcing them into silence."
"That's it? Silence? Are you SURE I can't talk about vaginas?"
"I really don't want to lose Lena, Robert: the hipsters like her."
"Maybe she could do something about body-shaming, instead? Because she's no Jennifer Lawrence, that's for sure."
"Body-Shaming is already being taken by some chunky black actress. I don't remember her name, but she was all we could get for the 'fat' part…"
"Maybe I could team up with Samuel L. Jackson on something, then: that could be cool."
"Samuel has already told us that when he films his part he wants no white people on the set."
"So it's drugs or transvestites, that's what you're saying?"
"I'm afraid so, Robert…"
"Fuck it: I'll stick with drugs, then…"
"Good, good! And now I can call Jared Leto and tell him the 'transvestite part' is his…"
I am Laslo.