"Vice President Antonio Banderas, what is your position on women's issues?"
"I like all of the positions, my friend. It is -- how you say? -- sexy sexy."
"Sir, I mean on issues like women's health?"
"I like the healthy woman. Salma Hayek, there was a healthy woman. Very healthy in all the right places, do you know what I am saying?"
"Sir, do you believe women deserve equal pay?"
"The best pay you can give a woman is to pay her a compliment. "You look the sexy sexy" -- like that."
"Sir, I'm not sure you are understanding the meanings of my questions..."
"You ask me about the woman, right? I love me the Woman. The smell of their hair, the curves of their body. What's not to like?"
"Maybe we should move on. Where do you stand on transgender issues?"
"You mean like when the man dresses like the woman, with the boobies? I am not into that, my friend, but I say Live and Let Live."
"There are some who say you shouldn't even be Vice President, due to you not being born a citizen of the United States. How do you respond?"
"Oh, the women who voted for me: it does not matter to them, right? They know a little Latin sizzle is good for the Country. I love all the women of this country, and wish only that I could give them all a little personal Banderas-time -- like, right up next to them, where I can nuzzle their neck and smell their hair. American women, they are big on the clean hair, not like the French. I once loved a French woman, but her hair smelled of smoke and oysters. Alas, it was not to be."
"What about --"
"Ahhh, but Swedish women, they live in the cold but their skin is warm, do you know what I am saying? I once made sweet sweet sexy to a Swedish girl on a bear-skin rug in front of a roaring fire. Memories are good, no?"
"Final question: what would you say to the people who say you are simply unqualified to be a heartbeat away from the Presidency?"
"I would tell them that they need to be open to the Banderas. The Banderas, he will treat you just fine..."
I am Laslo.