Alize Wallace-Hadeeb, Safe Space Inspector:
"We at the University have done everything to make this the safest of environments on any American campus."
"I see you allow the male students to wear shorts."
"Well, it gets quite warm here in the Spring, and it IS a beautiful day."
"A beautiful day for Oppressors, maybe. People from other Cultures could be aggressed by such casual showing of skin."
"So no shorts on campus. I'll get a memorandum out to the men and women of the College."
"Just the men, actually."
"Females can wear shorts? Isn't that unequal?"
"Unequal is thousands of years of Patriarchy shaming women's bodies and denying them the Freedom of their Sexuality."
"Okay... No shorts for male students."
"To be precise, that should be no shorts for white students."
"People of color have been subjugated to White Norms for too long. The color of their skin shows their deep connection they have with the Sun, something the Ice People perpetually try to deny."
"So only white students are barred from wearing shorts. That seems unfair."
"No: it is True Social Fairness catching up with them. Besides, white male students in shorts are more likely to rape."
"More likely to rape because they're wearing shorts? That can't be true."
"It doesn't need to be 'True' by White Male Standards: it just has to FEEL True."
"Fine. I'll put out the memorandum: no white male students in shorts."
"Frankly, I would be more supportive if that Memorandum was issued by a person of color."
"Now why is that?"
"Isn't it obvious? The white students will be less likely to be seen rebelling against a person of color. White Authority is over, even when it pertains to whites."
"I don't agree with any of this..."
"I understand. That is why my report will demand that you be fired."
"Fired? Over shorts?"
"Don't feel defensive. If it makes you feel any better I have demanded people be fired for less..."
I am Laslo.