Sex? Hell yes, I could be monogamous. But shitting in front of girls: I need variety, you know...?

The Edgy Comic with Behavior Issues...

"So: you all know I like to shit in front of hot girls, right? And you're still here, thank you, thank you. So I'm gonna tell you a story. You all will probably think I'm kidding, but I swear, this is true...

I was in a comedy club in Wisconsin -- fuck it gets cold there -- and I get this chick after the show to come back to my hotel room. See -- you're already starting to laugh. Wait: it gets better...

We get back to my room, and -- me being me -- I take a shit in front of her, right there -- it's what I do, right? But here's the thing: she doesn't look scared. Or surprised. Or angry. No, it's worse: she tells me that she LOVES me...

She loves me? I just took a shit in front of you and you love me? What the fuck? And she says she understands that I have needs, and I should be with someone who understands those needs, who doesn't judge me for my needs, who will be there for me, for ALL of me, good and bad...

Oh God! She's perfect for me! She's a fucking Angel! Except, by meeting the person who is perfect for me, I realize what a fucking loser I am. She deserves better than me! If I were to be with this girl I would fall asleep next to her, her head on her pillow, and the only sound would be that of her dreams gently dying...

And here's the thing: I don't think I could shit in front of the same girl every night. Sex? Hell yes, I could be monogamous. But shitting in front of girls: I need variety, you know...?

So basically I broke this poor girl's heart. She offers me nothing but love and understanding, and in return she is rejected by the guy who just fucking shit on the floor in front of her. And you all are laughing. For all I know she took a bath the next day with candles and shit and slit her wrists, and we're all laughing...

So I gotta say: Honey -- wherever you are? It wasn't you -- it was me. Really...

Thank you, you've been great..."

I am Laslo.

https://althouse.blogspot.com/2017/11/now-after-years-of-unsubstantiated.html