Sunday, April 9, 2017

"I'm Fun Hillary. I'm corrupt drunk lesbian Fun Hillary. Who had Vince Foster killed."

"Hillary, now that the election is over, you seem free, even rejuvenated. Would you agree with that assessment?"
"I certainly do. I won't lie to you: losing the election was heartbreaking. Especially since I won the Popular Vote. I take solace in that -- winning the Popular Vote. I had more votes. More people voted for me."
"That must be painful. How did you work through your grief?"
"I drank a lot of vodka. That's a joke: I can be funny now. People don't realize that I have a sense of humor. I drank a lot. See: that's funny. I had black-outs practically every night. Funny stuff."
"Is there anything you would have done differently?"
I would've asked a lot of undocumented immigrants in California to move to Wisconsin to vote. That would've helped."
"Are you being funny now?"
"Of course I am. That would've been unfair of me. Mexicans don't like the cold. See? Funny Hillary."
"Do you think America was not ready to have a female President?"
"I think that question answers itself. If America was ready, then I WOULD be President. But instead I just won the Popular Vote. It's always harder for a woman. You not only need the most votes, but you need them in the right places. The Glass Ceiling is thicker over some states."
"This might be a tough question to answer: do you regret describing a large portion of America as 'deplorables'?
"I regret that I was so drastically misunderstood. That was funny Hillary: people didn't get that. I just thought it was a funny way to describe racists and misogynists. I understand: they are part of America, too. I should have made that more clear."
"Do you see yourself staying in Politics?"
"I'll always speak out for what I believe is best for America. But right now, I enjoy having the time to spend with my grandchild, and being able to get drunk at two in the afternoon. Again: that's funny Hillary. I'm fun. People don't get that."
"What is your relationship like with Huma now?"
"I won't lie to you: it was tough for a while. It's hard when your best friend loses your election for you."
"You believe Huma was part of the reason for your loss?"
"To be honest: yes. She made mistakes. In fact, she married one. Ha Ha: funny Hillary. I think America just wasn't ready for a woman like her to be so close to a President."
"People have talked about your closeness with her..."
"Ahhh: the Right Wing Rumor Mill. Of course Huma and I are lesbians. Ha. Seriously: anytime two women with problematic husbands are close, people assume they are lesbians. We're not lesbians, we just like to have sex with each other."
"Are you being funny again?"
"Of course I am. I'm Fun Hillary. I'm corrupt drunk lesbian Fun Hillary. Who had Vince Foster killed."
"You know, sometimes people make jokes to hide sad truths..."
"Oh, don't be so serious. I have nothing to hide: I'm not a crook. You won't have Hillary to kick around anymore..."
"Uh... I think those are quotes from Richard Nixon..."
"Ha! Funny Hillary again! Free at last: God Almighty, free at last..."

I am Laslo.

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