"Mom: I've seen the photos the boys are sending around. Claire's face looks like a fat glazed donut."

"Daddy Issue America": an Excerpt...

"Mom!"

"Yes, Amanda?"

"The boys at school had their bukkake party without me!"

"I don't think that's a bad thing, honey."

"But they picked CLAIRE."

"Claire? Isn't she the Fat Girl?"

"Yes she IS! They replaced me with Fat Claire! That is so humiliating."

"Maybe you are reading to much into this..."

"Mom: I've seen the photos the boys are sending around. Claire's face looks like a fat glazed donut."

"But isn't that better than you being the glazed donut, honey?"

"Not if SHE is second-pick! It's like I can just be replaced by a Fat Girl. That hurts."

"But YOU wouldn't want to be the Girl in those photographs, would you?"

"No... I don't think so. But maybe they could have picked Mandy. I can picture Mandy with come all over her face, and it would be obvious that she was only second-best to me."

"Maybe they asked Mandy and she said 'No'"

"Mandy would NEVER say no. There are pictures of her with a cucumber up her ass all over the Internet!"

"Baby, I am sure that all the boys jacking off onto Claire's face had their eyes closed and were picturing YOU."

"You think so, Mom?"

"I am sure of it, baby girl. If I was a boy I would want to jack off in your face."

"Really, Mom?"

"Really, sweetheart."

"Mom, you always know how to make me feel better."

"Honey, when it comes to men we are in this together..."

I am Laslo.