Saturday, February 13, 2016

Marco Rubio, Jukebox Hero.

"Sure, I repeated the same phrase a few times -- I was trying to make a point..."

"Marco, sometimes you don't have to obsess on making a point. You need to let people see the real you, then they'll warm up to you."

"The 'real me' -- I can do that."

"Let's try an experiment: how would you describe yourself, when you are not campaigning?"

"Well... I like piƱa coladas..."

"See? That's something people don't know about you! A bit quirky, even. What else?"

"I like getting caught in the rain."

"Okay, that shows people you're not uptight. Go on."

"I like the feel of the ocean, and the taste of champagne..."

"The 'ocean' part is good, but I'm not sure about the 'champagne' -- that might come across as elitist."

"I also like making love at midnight in the dunes on the cape..."

"Okay -- that might be TOO much information. Maybe something a little less... real."

"I'm not into yoga. Or health food."

"That could definitely connect with some of Trump's supporters. How about something inspirational?"

"Well.. If you get caught between the moon and New York City the best that you can do is fall in love."

"I don't know: sounds like that whole 'New York values' thing -- I'm not sure if we want to go there."

"Sailing takes me away to where I've always heard it could be. Just a dream and the wind to carry me and soon I will be free."

"Um. I think that's possibly Kennedy-ish, which is good, but it also might make people think of Ted Kennedy, which is bad. Maybe something a bit more down to Earth, perhaps."

"Summer breeze makes me feel fine, blowing through the jasmine in my mind."

"That sounds like you're appealing to hippies. It is good to reach out, but I think Bernie has them all sewn up..."

"Brown Sugar, how come you taste so good. Brown Sugar, just like a young girl should..."

"Is that... a 'Cuban' thing? I'm not sure how that will play across rural America -- it might pose some problems."

"I'm from rags to riches nigga I ain't dumb. I got 99 problems but a bitch ain't one."

"Appealing to the urban youth? That might work..."

"Fuck the police coming straight from the underground, a young nigga got it bad cause I'm brown. And not the other color so police think they have the authority to kill a minority. Fuck that shit, cause I ain't the one for a punk motherfucker with a badge and a gun to be beating on."

"Oh God. I see what you're doing. Please stop."

"Cruisin Down The Street In My Six-Fo'', Jockin The Bitches, Slappin The Hoes..."

"Marco, No..."

"Domo arigato, Mr. Roboto, domo, domo..."

I am Laslo.

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