Confessions of a New York Yankee Groupie.

Confessions of a New York Yankee Groupie.

"So after some Chinese Take-Out I let Derek Jeter do me in the ass and in the morning he gives me a fruit basket. I said "Derek, what the hell is this?"

He says "It's a gift of my appreciation to you."

So I say "A fucking fruit basket? Am I your fucking grandmother?" And he says "No, no, it is from the heart. Look: it has pear slices."

And I say "Pear slices? I give you a rim job for thirty minutes and you give me pear slices?"

"Well, what would be appropriate?" he asks, all trying to be caring and shit.

So I say: "Appropriate? Jewelry would be appropriate, you asshole."

And he says, all sincere-like, "Well, it was just one night..." and I say "One night with a rim job and anal sex, you dick."

So he says "Okay, okay, I don't do this for just anyone" and he opens a drawer and pulls out a gold chain with a gold baseball hanging from it, real Kay Jewellers-type stuff. And I say "You got to be kidding: a charm bracelet?" And he says "It's not good enough?" And I say "Maybe if I was TWELVE, you jerk."

So Jeter opens another drawer and pulls out a pearl necklace, and I'm like "I get it, I get it: a pearl necklace, how appropriate."

So he says "That's all I can do," like we're haggling over a car.

"Then I say "I'll take it," because it is actually a pretty nice necklace, and that is my lesson to you women out there: when you give up the anal sex you better hold out for jewelry: don't let yourself be cheap.

I am Laslo.

http://althouse.blogspot.com/2015/01/the-two-earliest-statements-as-to.html