"Ibn al-Kalb! The Jews have put a cucumber in my ass!"

It is sad that the magazine wasn't called "A Cucumber In Your Ass" because then all these people would be holding signs declaring "I Have a Cucumber in My Ass." I like that better.




The magazine "A Cucumber in Your Ass" would be thematically consistent: it would depict the week's newsmakers, always with a cucumber in their ass.

Putin with a cucumber in his ass: check.

Obama with a cucumber in his ass: check.

The Pope with a cucumber in his ass: check.

Mohammed with a cucumber in his ass: check, check and double-check.

Each week people would buy the new issue wondering who would have the cucumber in their ass now.

OK, maybe not a magazine but a website.



To keep "A Cucumber in Your Ass" from becoming too repetitive the size and the color and the nubbly-ness of the cucumber would change in response to the story.

Sometimes someone only gets a small, thin green cucumber, others get the yellow cucumber the size of a baby's arm.

Every few issues there would be the 'special edition' wherein someone particularly egregious gets the cucumber sideways. The 'sideways' cucumber is always depicted as extra nubbly.



The issue of "A Cucumber In Your Ass" with Scarlett Johannson would probably be the biggest-seller. That, or the one with Taylor Swift.

Just guessing.



Example word balloon: "Sacre bleu! I have a cucumber in my ass!"

Or:

"Gott im Himmel! The French have put a cucumber in my ass!"

and, of course:

"Ibn al-Kalb! The Jews have put a cucumber in my ass!"


Of course, there are only so many ways of depicting Putin putting a cucumber in Obama's ass: that is where Creativity comes in. "A Cucumber In Your Ass" will rely heavily on Creativity. And, of course, cucumbers.

Bob Boyd said...

You mean like say photoshopping a picture of the guy who jumped the White House Fence running across the lawn with a great big cucumber clenched in a raised fist?

"You mean like say photoshopping a picture of the guy who jumped the White House Fence running across the lawn with a great big cucumber clenched in a raised fist?"

You're hired!

Bob Boyd said...

"You're hired!"

My dream job just fell in my lap like a...like a...like a cucumber falling out of a miniskirt in a crowded theatre.

Thanks Laslo! I won't let you down.

Bob Boyd said...

Whatever you say Mr. Spatula sir, but if we could provoke radical Muslims to attack our headquarters or even just blow up the greenhouse it could really put us on the map is all I'm saying.

"...but if we could provoke radical Muslims to attack our headquarters or even just blow up the greenhouse it could really put us on the map is all I'm saying."

Mr. Boyd, besides being a Creative Wizard on the Editorial side you are also a Marketing Genius: with this kind of thinking soon the whole world will have a cucumber up its ass!

Bob Boyd said...

Like John Lennon I challenge all to Imagine.

I am Laslo.

http://althouse.blogspot.com/2015/01/we-vomit-on-all-these-people-who.html