Saturday, June 3, 2017

Pig-fucking, folks: it always gets down to pig-fucking, doesn't it?

Hack Comic Mic Nite...

"Trump, man... what a fucking mess we got into, right..?  But -- shit -- it's getting hard to be a comic nowadays. I mean, decapitated heads and cock holsters? I had to throw out half my jokes because they're now too tame...

I mean, what comes after a decapitated head -- a decapitated cock? Sure, I hate Trump, but I really don't feel like standing on stage holding a bloody cut-off orange cock, you know what I mean...? 

So we have the President with his head cut off and his cock in another dude's mouth: that pretty much just leaves jokes about strange items being inserted into his ass, right? Hey, Richard Gere: can I borrow your gerbil for a minute? Hey -- that was funny in the Eighties, people...

Like I said, it's getting harder and harder to tell a joke about the guy. Just a few weeks ago I worked up a riff on Trump fucking Kim Kardashian in the ass -- I was honing my craft, right? I spent several nights as a professional comic getting it just right -- refining the funniest descriptions of Kim's giant ass takes time, my friends. And now? Big fucking deal. Kim Kardashian being fucked in the ass by Trump: I can't even stop MYSELF from yawning...

Pig-fucking, folks: it always gets down to pig-fucking, doesn't it? And once the pig gets fucked, where do you go? Fuck another pig? Too late: it's been done before, now...

It's getting to be like those gang-bang porn videos. Like, the chick who fucked one-hundred-and-twelve men: what's the next chick gonna do, fuck one-hundred-and-thirteen? After a while you're just left waiting to see when her anal sphincter prolapses, I guess...

I mean, do we move on to the First Lady getting decapitated? Sorry, call me old-fashioned, but when I hear about Melania giving head I'd rather think she's sucking my cock, that's all...

Of course, there's always the Ivanka incest jokes, but that field's been plowed, too. I mean, we're being left here in a Comedy Dust Bowl, people: there are no more carrots in the ground. Us comedians are becoming like those North Koreans who are left to eat rocks: there's only so many recipes for rock soup, you know...?

Like, am I left having to make jokes about Kathy Griffin, now? Has my Life fallen THAT far? What's next -- a career in Hell's Lounge making jokes about Sarah Jessica Parker having a face like a horse for all of Eternity? Because that where it's going, people: that's what we're left with...

These are just jokes, people: I mean no offense to our lovely First Lady: I LIKE having a First Lady I can finally jerk off to...

You've been a great audience, thank you for laughing...



I am Laslo.


1 comment:

  1. Finally an audience I want to be in. Bravo Laslo!

    ReplyDelete