"Ashley? This is Harvey..."
"Harvey, why are you calling me? I want nothing to do with you, you pathetic scumbag..."
"I know, I know: we had our misunderstandings. But I could really use your help in calling the board so I don't get fired..."
"Misunderstanding? You made me eat your ass, Harvey."
"See? A misunderstanding. You thought I made you eat my ass, and I thought you did it of your own free will: a misunderstanding."
"Why would I eat your asshole of my own free will?"
"I thought you were responding to my rough charisma..."
"You have no charisma, Harvey. Women did things for you because they were scared of you."
"Scared of me? See: this is new to me. I had no idea women were interpreting me that way."
"Harvey, don't you understand? That was one of the lowest parts of my life."
"Oh, I get it, now. Actresses don't really like to eat men's assholes -- believe me, I get it."
"I don't think you'll ever understand, Harvey..."
"Sure I do. You know, I'm a survivor of abuse, just like you."
"You were abused, Harvey...?"
"Oh yeah. When I was eleven a gang of schoolgirls cornered me in an alley and took my lunch money. Then they held me down and took turns eating my asshole. I think it is that shame that makes me act in inappropriate ways..."
"Oh, Harvey: that's horrible. You know, I have a therapist that helps me. Maybe she could help you, too."
"I don't know, Ashley. I don't think your therapist eating my asshole is going to help..."
I am Laslo.
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