"Girlfriend..."
"I like it when you call me 'girlfriend', Kim. I like to think that I am all women's 'girlfriend.' Especially those on 'the street'..."
"Hillary, you are loved. I know people on the street, I got great street cred -- they love me there -- and they all think you are wonderful. My maids think you are amazing."
"That is so nice to hear."
"Can I say something -- you know -- honest, just between us girls?"
"Of course. Huma says I need to be open to honesty when appropriate."
"Girl, we need to do something about the way you dress."
"Now Kim, I've always been a pants-suit girl..."
"Men on the street, Hillary, they like the bubble-butt. Kanye loves the bubble-butt. You got to give the people some candy, know what I am saying?"
"My butt doesn't bubble much anymore, I'm afraid."
"You gotta work with what you have. People used to say my butt was too fat, now everyone wants a big juicy piece."
"I think I might have to try something... different."
"You know, I sometimes catch Kanye looking at my butt, and I know exactly what he is thinking."
"What's that?"
"He wants to put his Kanye West cock in my Kardashian ass, that's what he's thinking."
"I don't think that is necessarily what people are looking for in a President..."
"Girlfriend, that is what they ALL are thinking: trust me."
"I'm not so sure about that..."
"C'mon: I bet Obama checked out your ass when you weren't looking. Girl, I bet JOE BIDEN checked out your ass when you weren't looking: that Joe Biden -- one look at him and you can tell he is definitely an 'ass guy'."
"I think I want to represent women as more than ass..."
"Girlfriend, the vagina is so yesterday. Today it is all about the ass. Men want it, bad. Women, they push it on out. You gotta push that ass OUT, Hillary."
"Maybe I can check with Huma..."
"Yeah: what is the deal with Huma, anyway?"
"She is my confidant."
"Has your 'confidant' ever stuck her finger up your ass?"
"No, never..."
"Girl, if you can't be straight with me..."
"Okay. Once."
"You sticking with that?"
"Okay, okay: Huma sticks her fingers up my butt on a regular basis."
"And..."
"And dildoes, too. Cucumbers, sometimes."
"America sells a lot of dildoes. Dildoes, Ass Plugs, Ass Plugs bigger than my fist. And cucumbers. The people who buy that shit, their votes count, too, you know."
"So I gotta 'push it out'?"
"Work your Beyonce, girl."
"Well..."
"My husband, Kanye? He works with Beyonce's husband Jay-Z sometimes. And Jay-Z is a BIG businessman. You know what he likes to do?
"Make money?"
"That, too, girlfriend, that too. But mostly he likes to put his cock up inside Beyonce's ass."
"Let me talk to Huma..."
I am Laslo.
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