So, some years back, I am at a bar in a Trump Casino when this hot woman with blonde hair and a short skirt -- no doubt as expensive as it is short -- sits next to me. She orders a drink, then stares off into the distance, obviously in some inner turmoil. It takes me a moment, and then I realize she is Ivanka Trump, Donald's daughter.
"Let me guess," I say, lighting a cigarette. "It's about a man, right?"
Ivanka looks at me, says nothing: just eye contact.
"Men. We can fuck up just about anything, sometimes."
She looks at me for a few seconds longer, then breaks into a small beguiling smile.
"Yes. Yes you can," she says.
"Let me make another guess: he just doesn't understand you -- your needs, your feelings -- the things that make you 'you'."
"It has always been this way," she says, shaking her head. "Men say they love me, but they either just want me because my Father is rich or because I am a hot piece of ass."
"I don't love you," I say, taking a drink.
"Excuse me?"
"I don't know you; I can't pretend to love you. But I do know you are indeed a hot piece of ass."
"Thanks a lot."
"Never let being a hot piece of ass make you feel down on yourself. Then the losers win."
I am suave that way.
Anyway, long story somewhat shorter: we are up in a fancy casino suite, Ivanka's skirt is pulled up over her no-tan-line hips and I am fucking her in the ass in front of the desk mirror when there is a knock at the door.
"You better get that," she says.
"Really? Now?"
"It's my Father."
Sure enough: I wipe my cock off on a towel, put on a robe, answer the door and standing there is Donald Trump.
"I'll give you five-thousand cash for you to stop fucking my daughter in the ass," he says, squinty.
"What makes you think --"
"Son, I know EVERYTHING that happens in my casino. If a fucking single sparrow falls I see it."
"Actually, I was going to say what makes you think fucking your daughter in her beautiful ass is only worth five-thousand dollars?"
"Good position, there. Never take the low bid. I like you, kid: how about I make it ten-thousand?"
"Sir, I --"
"I get it, I get it: you are a man that appreciates value. My daughter: I lover her, but I know she is a hot piece of ass. Tell you what: how about I give you one of my Mercedes? Silver, all the accessories, leather, the works."
"Sir, your money cannot buy me. Now, if you'll excuse me, I am going to go back to ass-fucking your daughter." With that, I closed the door.
As I approach Ivanka I can see a single tear in her eye.
"That is the most noble thing any man has ever done for me."
"Your ass is THAT fine, Ivanka: your ass is THAT fine."
I am Laslo.
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