Wednesday, December 10, 2014

"Look! The basketball game is back on!"


So I am reading the internet, drinking a cup of Fair Trade tea with a touch of almond milk, when I see a story about "black lives matter". Needless to say, I was confused: of course black lives matter, I read the New York Times.  My 'Emotional Support Negro'  was watching college basketball so I waited until commercial break, then asked him a question.

"Black people: they know their lives matter, right?"

"My black life does, Little Bitch."

I get uncomfortable when he calls me that, but I decided to stick with the conversation at hand, I do not want to digress and undermine trust discussing how terms of affection can differ in different cultures, and some may not even see the pain they can cause others. I have a friend who is Canadian, and I am sure I must have inadvertently upset him somewhere along the line without even knowing it -- Canadians are touchy that way.

"I  mean, 'all' black people."

"So now I'm supposed to talk for 'all' black people? We all look the same to you, is that it, Little Pussy?"

"That's not what I meant..."

"Are you talking about the couple of nice American Blacks you see at work, or are you talking about the American Blacks on the street in the wife-beater shirts that you are afraid will jack your car and slap down your lily-white ass?"

"I guess I just kinda meant in general."

"Cause the nice American Blacks at the Office, they'd beat down your lily-white ass, too, you just don't realize it."

"Maybe I'm asking the question wrong..."

"This is about the coming Race War, isn't it?"

"Whoa -- that is NOT what I am talking about..."

"Cause whenever you whites get all concerned about us blacks it's because you're afraid the Race War is coming, all big-ass negroes kickin' down your door and shit."

"I don't think it's because we're afraid of any 'Race War'..."

"Oh, do NOT give me that air-quote shit, I'll beat your pale ass down myself."

"sorry."

"There is gonna be some monster-ass black men armed and drivin' Impalas down every white neighborhood in America, and we're gonna drag each and everyone of you white boys out in your driveway and beat you in front of your bitches..."

"This is escalating past what I am comfortable talking about..."

"We're gonna turn all your fat-ass wives out as hos on the street and your little girls'll all be dressing in TuPac T-Shirts."

"Look! The basketball game is back on!"

"And you: I got plans for you."

"Oh God..."

"But for now, how about let's just watch the game and pretend this whole little discussion never even happened."

"I'd appreciate that."

"You gonna grab a beer?"

"Yeah: I think I need one. Even though using alcohol as a coping mechanism can cause poor life choices, it can occasionally be acceptable for social discomfort, in moderation. I think I read that somewhere..."

"I hear that. And..."

"Yeah?"

Get another Forty for me, will you, Little Bitch?"

I am Laslo.


http://althouse.blogspot.com/2014/12/the-president-of-smith-college.html

No comments:

Post a Comment