Mr.Charm’s Charming First Date Tips (Part One)

(a piece retrieved from approximately ten years ago)

Mr.Charm’s Charming First Date Tips (Part One)

Because the first date can often be a time of confusion, anxiety and general free-floating weirdness I am hereby presenting Part One of Mr.Charm’s Charming First Date Tips to help all the Menfolk out there in their time of need. 

NOTE: the reason these tips are only for the MEN is that, after all, we ALL know women don’t require First Date Tips, being that the only real decision a woman deals with on a first date is whether or not she’s gonna wear the ‘GOOD’ underwear...

Tip #1: Don’t ask her if she is wearing the Good Underwear: if she is chances are you’ll find out later, and if she isn’t, well, you’ll figure that out too, soon enough...

Tip#2: Dinner at a nice restaurant is always a good plan. On the other hand, Strip clubs are dicey, depending, and – let’s face it – if you can confidently pull off a First Date to a strip club then you really don’t NEED Mr.Charm’s tips now, do you? 

Meanwhile, going to a movie is, surprisingly, a definite NO: the First Date is to learn about the other person through free-spirited conversation and eye contact, not to spend two hours silently staring at a screen in parallel. Plus, you spend the entire damned time uncomfortably trying to figure out just what the heck to do with your hands, and it just ain’t worth it...

Tip #3: Opening doors for her shows a Gentleman’s attention to Respect and etiquette, plus you can discreetly check out her ass as she passes by; Etiquette has its Pluses...

Tip #4: Make sure you know her Name. Now this might seem obvious, yet it can become quite the predicament if this Tip is not adhered to strictly. Let’s say, hypothetically of course, that you met Ms. First Date at a bar, after some alcohol may-or-may-not have been involved, and in large quantities, quite possibly. And perhaps she only wrote her number on the cocktail napkin, or scrawled her name in a manner indecipherable save for a large happy circle above what is, presumably, an ‘I’. And then maybe the message on her answering machine is of the decidedly unhelpful ‘number-only/leave a message’ kind. 

Now, under such hypothetical circumstances one CAN make it comfortably through a First Date without actually ever having to call your date by her first name, but this will, in the end, only make matters worse: say – again, hypothetically –that you progress to the 2nd or 3rd date, and you realize you are still unsure of her name, and you further realize that there is no smooth way to casually extricate said information. Now say that you are on that 2nd or 3rd date when you happen across someone you know, and introductions are unavoidably in order: you are obviously not at the point of employing endearments such as ‘baby’, ‘honey’ or ‘my girl’, and as such you are screwed, and not in the good way. Again, this is strictly hypothetical, and has never happened to Mr. Charm, nope...

Tip #5: After dinner TIP THE SERVER GENEROUSLY. It’s the right thing to do, and Chicks notice these things.

Tip #5B: Plan ahead when planning ahead: God put pockets in your pants for a reason. When paying for the meal don’t have a condom conspicuously in your wallet next to your credit card – Chicks notice these things, too...

Tip #5C: You CAN ignore Tip #5B if you are at a strip club, but – again – if you’re there on a date, then you don’t need MY help...

Tip #6: Again, the First Date is to learn meaningful, deep things about the other person through free-spirited conversation: with that in mind let her talk, even if it’s occasionally boring. Hell – ESPECIALLY if it’s boring: careful attention approximates caring, and if she IS that boring she’s probably sadly used to people not really listening to her, which means YOUR attention makes you seem all the more Special, and Special = the GOOD Underwear..

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Tip #7: Just Be Yourself, minus the Bad Stuff, and do everything Mr.Charm says...

I am Laslo.