Wednesday, May 13, 2015

If pistol-whipping is what it takes then pistol-whipping it is.


As a Pimp it is always trouble when one of the Girls in your Stable has a Famous Man for a customer. First, obviously, the obvious: they now think they are Special Candy-Coated Sugar Shit, rather than a run-of-the-mill hooker who just happened to get lucky. Baby: you are just expensive Kleenex that he is choosing to masturbate into. And Dude don't keep the Kleenex.

Second: he will often pay exorbitant amounts to make him feel like he is not just some everyday John. Now, this is fine when -- as the Pimp -- I decide my share, but sometimes he'll leave the extra as a tip, and the Girl may not be so forthcoming with the cash: this cannot be allowed. Pretty much in all these scenarios a Girl will need a tune-up directly afterward, just to recalibrate the hooker equilibrium.

Often, the Celebrity will just pay for straight sex, but the Starstruck Girl will give the anal as a freebie: Girl, I own the toll-gate on your ass and don't go thinking I won't check for evidence in your oil pan, or his dipstick, doesn't matter: I'll know. 

Now, if anal was the case a tune-up is de rigueur, but just because dude is a Celebrity doesn't mean he's above a beat-down, too: as a Pimp in this situation you represent ALL Pimps Worldwide, and as that Representation you got to Stand Up. If Dude got bodyguards you have Friends: if pistol-whipping is what it takes then pistol-whipping it is.

Sometimes the Celebrity will pay me extra to keep things quiet: I can respect that. If the money is Respectable: my Silence is a Commodity, Bitch.

Then there is the Celebrity who thinks that, because he is a Celebrity, he should get some for free. This ain't Baskin-Robbins, Dude: No Free Samples of any of the Flavors.

And Pimp: if you got starstruck too, hand over your Pimp Card.


I am Laslo.


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