" I hope you removed the teeth from your trash. If your trash had teeth, that is."

I spent the evening driving The White Van With No Windows In the Back through lonely roads outside of town,casual, just scouting out new places one could, say, bury something without being seen, or the item buried being discovered. Just a thing to do from time to time: keeps things fresh.

As I round a curve past a lightly wooded area I see a red truck with a camper shell parked on the side of the gravel road. There could be many reasons why someone would choose to stop here and walk off into the countryside, but I can only think of one off the top of my head: the driver of the red truck could be in The Fellowship Of The White Van.

About ten minutes later a man approaches, sweating, twigs and dirt on his clothing, carrying a shovel.

"What are you doing here?" he asks, wary.

"Just driving around," I say. "A good day to bury something," I add, nodding at the shovel.

"Uhh... I just had to bury some trash. That's all."

"A long way to go, coming out here to bury some trash."

"I had nothing better to do," he says, looking at the ground.

"I hope you didn't bury your trash at the base of a tree," I say, good-spiritly.

"Why is that?"

"Because when certain people are searching for buried trash they start by looking around trees. Some people bury their trash by a tree as kind of a monument, so it's a good place to look. Same with large stones."

"I didn't think of that."

"Yeah. It's better to bury your trash away from any markers. If you don't want it to be found."

"I don't want anyone to find my trash. Ever."

"I understand."

"You thinking I should move my trash to another site?"

"Might be a good idea. Also: I hope you removed the teeth from your trash. If your trash had teeth, that is."

"My trash had teeth. Why should I remove the teeth?"

"Some people keep dental records on teeth found in the trash. It helps if they can't identify the trash."

"That's pretty smart. I ain't got no pliers here, though."

"Not a problem. I have some in the back of my van."

"I might be awhile with them."

"Keep them. I have extras."

"What should I do with the teeth from my trash?"

"Some people keep them as souvenirs, but I think that's a rookie mistake. I would just flush them down the toilet at some Starbucks or McDonald's."

"It sucks, having to dig another hole."

"Consider it the price of obtaining knowledge. You didn't keep any of your trash's clothing, did you?"

"I have the underwear from my trash in the back of my truck."

"Bad idea. I'd bury those, too, but in a different hole. You gotta make people work for it."

"You sure seem to know your way about disposing trash."

"I have buried trash, from time to time. You didn't masturbate near the trash, did you?"

"Uhhh..."

"Did it get on your trash's clothing?"

"Maybe."

"Gonna have to burn the clothes, then."

"This is getting complicated."

"If you are going to get into the trash business you better be prepared."

"I appreciate the advice."

""Here, I'm gonna do you a favor," I say, fishing out a business card out of my pocket. "Bury this with the trash."

"Your business card?"

"Hell no. When I am at one of those places where people leave their business cards in a bowl for some contest I take a few."

"Surely if someone were to find my trash they wouldn't think I'd lose my business card with it."

"No, but they might think you're trying to incriminate someone, so they'll spend a lot of time checking out the person's friends and associates. Gives them something to do."

"You really know the trash business."

"It's the Fellowship Of The White Van: I am a Professional..."

I am Laslo.